TEARS ON TRACKS

Good evening Bloggets. I hope you are well? Only one more sleep if I can, before my Hub will be home,  thank God. I really don’t like night times on my own. Teen does his own thing, but even if he is in the same room as me, we don’t have anything in common? Also where ever he goes, scratching sounds can be heard from his earphones, and it really winds me up, as the words are not good.

He has done  homework most of the night apart from when he came down to eat. With my friend today, I bought him a cheese scone, and a sausage roll. He ate them before I could say Jack Robinson. Then I made his tea, of fish and vegetables, “Yack, but healthy. Then he came in and handed me a dish of pasta, telling me I had nothing to eat so he made it for me, bless him, this was ten tonight, then, he sat, and also ate a dish of pasta.

He is very slim and into body stuff, weight lifting. But he will never be beefy, as he is naturally very thin. Not skinny, he has a good body for a young teen, but he wants the hunky body look. Hence the pasta?

My friend was telling me today, her daughter has  given her mobile up for lent… How could she do that? I couldn’t. But it is a good sign, to say  how strong her willpower is. I have non apart from not eating meat or fish, or anything with a face.

I loved  meat, all kinds of meat that was not revolting. The nastier, the better for hub, but I ate all the chicken, turkey,  beef, pork and lamb. Loved  it. Then just said no and have never regretted it.

I never ate fish, perhaps this is why my brain is the way it is hey?

But now my diet is starting to worry me. I can go all day with nothing at all to eat, then other days, I will have a bag of crisps for my breakfast, then a sandwich at night, that is all, then other days, I will have a meal out and nothing all day, other days, I will eat four slices of toast and then nothing.

For calories, I mount them up as I eat the wrong things, but where are the vitamins?

I really want to find the power to start to eat right. But teen eats well. I have always made sure of that, though he does eat some rubbish now. I never used to allow anything, but now all gone.

Talking of lent, I think people are giving up technology as I have noticed people on Facebook, are not leaving comments or statuses  very much, if at all and I know of a few people who have given up their mobiles, or IPods?

It used to be food,  how times have changed?

I feel really bad, as this is the first year I have not bought teen anything for his birthday. I am giving him money, but for his 16^th, it should have been something else, though he loves money, as he buys his favourite thing, clothes.

Bunches has a funny plan for him next Saturday? The weekend after his birthday. I don’t know what it is, it is very strange though whatever is going on there? I will find out I guess when it has happened?

Another thing, I thought Mother’s day in the UK, was always the last Sunday in the month? This year, it is on the 10^th?

We are living in an odd world, and sometimes a sick one. Teen was telling me just before he went to bed, as you do, he read something awful on the net. I asked him what  it was? He told me, a couple in America have just got married. Both men, but here is the really weird and sick thing, Father and Son?

Oh God, that is just nasty?

I really think the father should be arrested?

Surely?

Well, Hub may go a little mad when he comes home, not only I have bought a vacuum cleaner today, I have also bought a wait for it? Light fitting.

Both over the net. Now, the vacuum, has good rates, but everyone says, it is rather ugly? Hahahahaha. I didn’t know you could get an ugly vacuum?

Oh bless, I will give the ugly thing a home. So unloved.

As for the light fitting?

Oh God, All I know is I am sick of teens room. It is so shabby. He  has a beautiful, well, was beautiful chest of drawers, to match his book shelf. Solid rustic wood, with carvings on of his birth sign.

The furniture cost a fortune many years ago. Teen was a babe.

So they owe me nothing now. But the draw, is hanging off and two of the other ones, hardly open, so when he is getting anything out, it is as though a mallet cladded, masked murderer,   is making his way through our walls.

Well, we are unable to pay for new furniture right now, we can’t really afford to decorate his pink room, as that was the colour when we moved in, and he has no lamp shade on his ceiling, so I have bought this light fitting…

All I know by the description, is it was £249 and is reduced to £31.

It is chrome and has five arms with round crystal shades on it.

Well teens room is long so should be OK? Oh the measurements are quite small anyway.

It is for a room rather than a bathroom before you wonder, as I did.

So, what do you reccon? Hahahaha.

Let’s see what it is like in a couple of days when it comes?

OMG, I’m scared now?

Well surely, it can’t be worse than what he has, a stupid big bulb hanging there?

“It can?”

“Oh!

Oh but my ugly Vacuum? Well, at least it will pick up?

I can’t tell you how many vacumes I have gone through in my life?

I think they are made not to last, so we keep buying new.

Talking to my BF tomorrow so really really needing that, as he is a tonic, he makes me feel so good. I love to hear his calming voice. I really don’t know what he sees in me, as I am always manic when I talk to him, so the opposite to each other, and yet we have the strongest connection.

He is so clever and witty and adores his lovely wife, it is so nice to see that these days. They  have been together forever. Since they were very young, I hope my Teen if staying with Bunches, will be as happy? I would like Bunches as a daughter in law, when they are a lot older though? The question is, will they be able to stay together that long, there are  girls at my Sons school fighting over him, even a member of staff, told him she would like him for her daughter, ha. As for Bunches, she is really a true beauty, tallish, very slim, long lovely natural blond hair, blue eyes teens words,  perfect white teeth, ha. And really nice skin. She will be  able to get any young man and when she goes off to University, will she be able to resist the Hooray Henry’s?

If it all goes wrong, Oh I am dreading handling that one?

I always thought my teen, would never get hurt. It would sadly, be him hurting the girls, and so far it has been that way,  but this one, is not so secure.

This is the risky one.

Or was that frisky?

You know, you go through your child’s life, first tooth, gripe pains, falling over, first day at school, first time they go on a sleep over, getting bullied at school, are they going to be lonely children, are they going to be excepted? Are you doing enough as a parent, for them? Going through their tantrums. What will they do when they leave school? Oh and so on? But how to handle a broken heart?

I really don’t know how I am going to do that one?

I must say it is starting to stress me out  a little.

OK, a lot. When my Hub and I were kids, twelve, we were to go to different boarding schools. We had been together since we were six. We had gone on a holiday with the school quire to Germany. It was a wonderful holiday. It was in the summer holidays from leaving our old school, to going to our new ones.

The sun was so warm every day in Germany and we had a lovely time, my little friend with the wonderful name was there too. We got on the train to come home, and one by one, the train would say goodbye to one of our friends who we had been family to with, for many years. They were all our brothers and sisters. We all had a very strong bond. Then it was time for Hub to get off. Suddenly, I realised, I would never see him again. How stupid I was? Not to have thought of that? He said he had, but there were no mobile phones in those days, I couldn’t read  Braille, he couldn’t read print of course, and there was no computers and certainly no speech software

I broke my heart, but my stop was the next one and I had to compose myself, as never cried in front of my Mum before.  Also, it was the time, when My poor Darling Dad, was seriously ill in hospital. He almost was killed, as the mine where he worked, caved in on him. He was in hospital for eleven weeks.

So I had to remain strong.

Then when I  had to be in pain again, it was when I was in love with my Russian boyfriend. We used to talk of getting married, we were equally in love, but the KGB, and the Mafia, got in between us.

I remember that day so well, as though it was eight years ago.

I can feel everything, see what I  saw around me at the dreaded time, I can even smell what I smelt My beautiful very very handsome boyfriend of two years, told me we had to part. He was adamant, though had tears in his steel blue eyes. No explanation. I was oblivious to the Mafia or how much involvement the KGB, had in our relationship at the time.

It was two years later when I was to learn of the extent of what had gone on, and for two years, my poor boyfriend had been punished without me knowing.

So after he told me we were through, I was like a clockwork toy, just had been  wound up and I couldn’t stop.

I ran back to our hotel and pushed past the body guards on the door, who thought they were the presidents guards.

Their serious nasty faces didn’t scare me anymore. The cruelty of communism, cried out to me for the last time. No more  fear, no whispers on the corners of the streets. No more watching my back.

Though at that time, I really didn’t know how much my life was in danger.

My Mum was in our room. I burst through the door. Crying. My Mum didn’t ask what was wrong, she must have known. She sat on the bed, as there were no chairs in the bare rooms.

I lay on the bed and broke my heart. I remember thinking, that my heart was going to drop from my mouth, I had been like that before, when my parents left  me at boarding school for the first time.

Way back when I was six.

I couldn’t breathe, it was frightening. My mum sat there. Saying nothing, doing nothing, we did not have the arm around the shoulder relationship, but all I wanted was a hug.

I went crazy from then on, dating as many guys as I could. Then gave up on life and married at seventeen.

I died for twenty four years and was brought back to life by the man, who said goodbye to the little boy on the train from Germany.

So how do I handle Teen if it does go wrong? I really don’t know!

Let’s hope it doesn’t, he has had a lot in his little life too!

Hmm.  Must sleep now. My eyes are full of sand and I have to be up early again, in fact in seven hours. My work man coming for the  last time.

Sorry for all of the mistakes, I am sure there are loads more than normally, I am too tired to think, I have  had about 16 hours sleep this past five days.

Until later on in the day now as it is after the pumpkin hour. xxx