FUTURE FOR US ALL

Well here we are again. Teen is out and the taxi has just driven off with hub and Long Chops in it. The house is silenced by the ghosts of what seems like forbidden love. A lost feeling I have now. Empty of all happiness.  I can’t cry, I have to stay strong, as this is the life I have been given. It’s funny you know, with my last Husband, I feared him coming home. This one, I fear him leaving. I don’t know what I would do if teen didn’t live here? When  he has gone to bed and the loud music, if you can call it that, is of no  longer, the silence is bliss, but only when I have had  noise for so long. Today, teen has been out all day and most of the night, Hub has been up in his office and I have not had much chance to have the company of a person. My lovely Yam from America, Yam is my borrowed Mum, I call her that, because, she signs everything to me as Yam, standing for Your American Mum. She phoned me and we had a lovely chat. I love her I wish she lived in the UK? Though she has thirty years on me, she is so young  or am I so old? I wonder? I have always said, I have friends from late teens to in their eighties. I like older people so much better than my very young friends, as they are more caring, genuine and have lived more, so can talk about more in life. But if they are old, they have to be young at heart and my Yam is. She always makes me laugh. And she even understands my northern accent, or if she doesn’t, she disguises it well, and  laughs in the right places?

A lot of things  are going on in my life and friends lives right now, to make me, us, think about the future. Our future.

Some people are so positive they just don’t need to deal with those thoughts, then there are the planners, the ones with sense,  but with sense, comes stress.

If it is true, and our futures are already decided for us, then perhaps we should relax and enjoy life as we find it each morning? But what if what I believe in, we are shown the map, and crumple it up then, what?

I guess what I am trying to say, is, our future must be planned by us, and we shall have to deal with whatever gets in our way when it hits us?

For example, if we are given a small amount of money, and there is no more money coming our way,  then we need to look at what we have, then see what we need long time  with what we have  and see if we have enough? If not? Then we need to look for our map and see  what roads are available to us, and take them.

We are all getting older and life’s offerings, are not always open to us anymore.

Teens future, well what will that be? My Yam also thinks it is wrong, that Bunches Mother, is going to have a word with teen and thinks I should intervene. Believe me, if it goes too far, I will, I’m just hoping, it will just be a little gentle word and move on? Hmm. If I call the Mother, not that I have her number, but if I did, it could blow everything out of the window. I pray, that teens future, will have Bunches Mum, learning to like teen and know he is a good person who adores her daughter and will do anything to look after her. Bunches is going to a music festival, and teen has given the girl loads of lectures about the drugs that will be available to her and  how she has not got to touch them. Does the Mother know that? Doubt it? I shall tell her though, if she gets nasty. Let’s hope, that she won’t and we can be all kind and warm to each other?

This year with the help of Hub and my best friend, I am going to try and start my new business. Will it be a success? I don’t know. This time next year, I may look back and regret starting it, there again, I may have been successful and to me that will  mean so much. I will have achieved something. Something I never would have even dared to think about a year ago.

It is the support from you all, that has  given me strength to do this. I hope to have it started within the next month and I will tell you more about it then.

Hubs job, is looking like it is going to change, he is top of his profession right now, where will he, be in the future?

A phrase which has just come to me, you may be able to take this for yourself,

“If you are in a burning building, no good looking out of the window at the  view of the river. Jump in the water.

There again, if your building is not on fire, but the view you see is beautiful? Well, just go and have a closer look. What could be the worst thing that can happen? The view may not be as good as you thought? The water may be shallow? But if you don’t take the risk, you will never know.

Right, going for now, will let you know how the meeting went with Bunches and  teen. With love until tomorrow, oh, when I am out with a new person from Guide dogs, someone is going to come out and see how Waggatail and I get on going to the shop. I am a little apprehensive, but he must see how we are because of two reasons, one, my GDI, will not be back out until the  middle of next week, so by then if LWT does not get out, she will be demented. Two, I would like some advice from someone else from GD, because there may be one tip I  will be given, to help me with confidence. Tomorrow, I will write Waggatails diary and let you know how we got on with the walk yesterday with Hub, and tomorrows walk. The house already is so quiet without LC. X