RP FILES A MOTHERS LOVE BY FIONA CUMMINGS

A group I’m in had a Mother who posted a comment and she was attacked in a gentle way but words which could have hurt her and for what? Helping her daughter? All I can say is it brought back lots of memories. Her 11-year-old daughter was diagnosed with RP only a month ago. Already the little girl is receiving Micro acupuncture and electrolysis. As far as I’m aware there is no known scientific proof that works. Though I have had electric current treatment myself many years ago. It was part of the treatment I received in Russia. Did it work? I don’t know. As I had injections too. Did they work? Again, not sure apart from I can tell you when I first went to Russia, it was when I was six, I could see one line on the chart and when I stopped going, I could see seven lines with the eye that saw nothing years earlier, and eight lines with my good eye, the eye that saw one line.

 

My parents knew there was something wrong with my eyes when I was a year old. It took the Doctors four years to admit there was something wrong. My Mum was coldly told to take me home give me the best Christmas as I probably would be blind the following year. This was many years ago remember. He said there was no treatment and I wasn’t to have children. I remember that day well. I was four.

 

I’m writing this as brief as possible. My Mum was terrified of blindness and I guess passed that fear onto me. She took me all over the world. We came across sharks. But ended up in Moscow. Ten thousand people travelled to the former USSR for the treatment. You had to go every six months. Some people with good sight went every ten months. My vision was really poor as a very young child though the Russian Doctors said their treatment wasn’t a cure, within a year my vision improved.

 

My Dad worked seventeen hours per day and my Mum was driven to save my sight. My parents had no life they had no spare money to have a life. the guilt I will feel forever.

 

In hindsight, I really wished they had not took me abroad, but, if I hadn’t have gone, I wouldn’t have seen my babies face. But if I was brought up with the fact if I went blind, it wouldn’t be the end of the world, then when I did go blind when my baby was a year old, I wouldn’t have been in the state I found myself in. terrified, to the point I couldn’t breathe. How was I going to cope? I couldn’t live. I didn’t want to live in such a dark depressing world.  I had no support or help as my parents died very close to me losing my vision and again, I wonder if me going blind didn’t help that factor.

 

I will never know. If me going blind stopped my parents from having a focus on life. as they had for thirty years fought with my vision. They didn’t know anyone who was blind then and to them, they were many years older than me, thought blind people sat at home and couldn’t work.

 

If I hadn’t had had the treatment, I would have been allowed to learn Braille. Russia believed if I was to learn blind things, I would think blind and be blind. Letters come now, I can’t see the print obviously, I still don’t know Braille. So, I guess you could say I’m illiterate.

 

It would be great to know Braille then I would be able to identify tablets. As it’s law for pills/medicine to be in Braille.  I could read letters as again in England, it’s law that we should receive our letters in a format that is accessible to us… Hmm. That kind of leaves me out. Thank goodness my Husband who has been blind since birth, can read perfect Braille.

 

I took an exam at school to define which high school I was to go to. I passed and was to go to a school for children who were partially sighted and it was I guess a Gramma school certainly a great school as far as education. The interview went so well with the head master but when he learned that I went to Russia twice a year he said no way I could go to that school because they expected A students and I wouldn’t be able to achieve A’s if I wasn’t hardly there. So, my education took a tumble as I went to another school where education was limited in comparison to what I could have had.

 

The treatment was painful and I dreaded going. I wanted to see as a child for my Mum and Dad. I now want to see for me. I wish I had a good education. Since school days I have since gone to college and took many exams but I was already in my thirties then and every time I go for an interview, they say no because of my lack in experience. Well I can’t get experience if no one will take me on.

 

 It would have been a dream if only I was allowed to be blind and continue my education as what was expected from the ability I have inside of my mind, then I would have followed my dream and been a teacher. Now it’s my dream to see. I live to see. But I have learned that blindness isn’t the end of the world, though it can be so very depressing and lonely. But then my love and I have each other and we laugh so hard, something I never knew was possible when I first went blind.

 

What would I say to that Mum? If I was her, I would read a lot see what is about, know there is hope for the future for us, and allow her child to be herself by teaching her everything to do with blindness. Especially Braille, before she is 13 and won’t want to learn anything like that. So, if she does go blind, the little girl is prepared. At the same time, I understand why she is doing what she is trying to do for her daughter. And my Mum couldn’t understand how parents at school just let their children go blind, none of them seemed to be bothered. No one else tried to look for treatment etc. to me that was harsh too. I think if I hadn’t had the experience I had, I too would do what this lady is doing and try everything for my child. Knowing what I do now, not sure. The most important thing is for her child not to be afraid. So, she may not be able to drive. It’s not the end of her world though she will feel it is but she will get over that especially if she has the knowledge of independence to be able to get places with a white cane or guide dog if she needs one. I have a lovely dear friend who is in her eighties who is just starting to lose her vision now. this little girl could be fine until she is so much older, then I pray there’s a cure. In the meanwhile, teach your child blindness isn’t death. But anyone who tries their best to find treatment, is a good parent. Just as anyone who helps their child to learn to survive in the blind world without fear. As I have written about before, my Husband went to University, has three degrees and a Masters in business. He has never been out of work. He is now an area manager and before he started to work for this company, he worked internationally and was head of.

 

It’s so difficult for blind people to get employment especially if they don’t have degrees coming out of their ears.  We need to educate employers and tell them blind people are great workers and to at least give us a chance. And to parents out there who have children who have just been diagnosed. Please don’t put your child in a place where I have been. I don’t want any child to fear blindness as I did. Or think of it in such a negative way as I did. I have friends who are teachers who are blind and even solicitors. One even has just become a judge.  I also have friends who work in an office and to get to work they use the train and walk to their office. They are totally blind. They can do it as will your child if you allow that to happen.

 

JUST AN ALIEN CHAT BY FIONA CUMMINGS

Good morning Bloggets. I have had about two hours sleep. Hubs alarm went off at 6 am. But before that, we both were awake. Three big things today. My Husband is travelling again. I always get anxious. It’s such a long way for him to go. He has his faithful one in the Little Fella though. I keep saying Hubs guide dog has had a promotion too. Last week he worked hard. Hub was in five different offices in five days. This week he’s only in three. But an overnight stay. Our Son has a big day. He has been asked to go for an interview again. Same company but a promotion. Only thing is, the area where it is you have to pay about £10 per day to park. Also, petrol getting there which isn’t much but all adds up. It’s about a half hour drive. Where as where he works now is three minutes’ drive and free parking.   But it’s a step up. But again, there are loads going for the interview. And again, all of them have had the training. BW hasn’t. if he gets the job, his boss has told him that he will pack in the nine months training, that’s how long it took one of his colleagues to qualify, in the time of six weeks. So, BW is expected to know every thing in less than two months?  His boss has said he doesn’t want to lose him. Hmm. I can tell you, BW wants to lose his boss… but not sure he will like the transport situation. We are telling him most people travel an hour to work like his Dad. And BW used to be a supervisor an hour and a bit away. It’s funny, he doesn’t mind so much the petrol it’s the grudge of paying to park. Haha. Bless him. He looked so smart as he left the house. So, let’s see how he does. But because he has been put forward for the interview by the lady who interviewed him a couple of weeks ago, I think he has a chance. Though she told him he did an excellent interview, she had to give the job to another as the other person has been working for the company for five years and has been qualified for almost a year. So, that is fair. But still BW doesn’t have the training or experience. Right now, he is a supervisor and this role is assistant manager. We have told him if he gets offered the job, take it and even if he stays there for a few months, he is qualified as assistant manager and can look for work similar with that title. Whatever will happen, I’m so very proud of him. He’s 21 and has done so well so far. This is his second job of getting to supervisor. He just needs the next step up. Are we pushy parents? No, not at all. Are we encouraging parents? Absolutely. We know his potential.

 

I need to get back out there to the shop as I have been today already, but forgot the essential item, I will have to go again. But, it’s pouring. And really windy. As I always say when it’s windy, it’s a blind person’s fog. As we can’t obviously see and with the wind, we can’t hear either and that makes it really difficult to navigate to hear where things are to give my guide dog instructions where to go.

 

So, it’s been a funny year so far. I said at the start of it it would be a life changing year. Just Hub and I had a really strong feeling that something this year would be very different. So far, we have found out what people are really like and got closer to other people. Some are out of our life and will never return and other people are here to stay. There have been big changes in our lives with regards work to say the least. Friends too and family, I have seen change. My Nephew lost his Mum to cancer. So sad from diagnosis to death was less than six months. Same when Hubs Mum died, it was weeks. Just awful. And my school friends Husband who was really no age at all. But I guess the year is still young and we are hopeful more changes but not deaths. Enough of that. I hope nice things are on their way especially after today, some positive things happened this morning. I had a meeting that I hope will benefit us. And after winter weather for another week, as today it’s bitter cold wet and windy, we are promised next week summer. How long for? not sure.

 

It’s the Royal wedding soon in England. I can’t say I am over excited about that.

 Though I wish our Prince Harry all the best. As for his new wife to be? Hmm. I have my reservations.

 

There is a story about a small head of a statue of an Egyptian woman with a helmet that has been seen on Mars yet more proof life existed.

It’s alien day and the first sightings of aliens goes back to the 12^th century.    

   I totally believe in them. But I don’t think for a second, they are as bad as we humans are. If they came here, we would kill them. I believe they have come here because there have been too many sightings. Also, we wouldn’t spend the amount of money on space travel if we didn’t think there was a threat or something that would benefit us. I have written before about a Russian cosmonaut I spoke to his friend about and too many people have said they have seen things and were threatened by Government etc not to say anything. Well if there is something out there, bring it on, if they can help us to make this beautiful world into a peaceful place, as right now we are killing our earth. We don’t deserve it.

 

I have loads more to write about and will come back later but right now, the rain has stopped falling on my glass  roof so, I’m going to dash back to the shop. Waggs will be happy. As will I if the rain  stays a stranger whilst I’m out.

 

ROYAL BABY NAME COME UP TRUMP AT THE WEEKEND BY FIONA CUMMINGS

At last we have a name for our new Royal baby. And a lovely name too.

Prince Louis Arthur Charles. I think it’s lovely having Williams Fathers name in it. Our Prince Charles.  William and Kate have a daughter with Williams Mothers name too. Perfect.

 

 President Trump is coming to the UK on dates of all dates? Friday the 13^th in July. Seriously, I can see the headlines already. Well just remember he is our closest ally and was there for us when we had the dreadful threat of Russia. Russia actually did us a favour. It brought not only the US, but the UK and Europe closer. Thanks Putin but be it on your head in the next world if your poison hurts anyone in the future.

 

 I for one will be happy to See President Trump here and I hope we as a nation, don’t show ourselves up!

 

Looking at my stats today, the bottom three countries in the top ten are really chasing each other. Closer than ever now. South Africa at

1,875. France

1,630. And Poland

1,507

 

I write for you so remember to let me know what you would like me to write about? Once again, you have travelled with me on a journey rough and smoothed. And I hope you continue on this journey and see me to the day when vision is possible for me once again. This day has to come, there is so much research going on it just has to, then my life has been worth living through.

 

I’m looking forward to caring for my Husband this weekend he will be exhausted. I’m going to make sure he doesn’t lift a finger. Bless him, as at weekends he tries to help out with housework and does a great job. All the jobs I don’t like, but this week has been tough, I mean, his brain in the work place is something else, his strength to travel on his own, well him and the little Fella by his side. But that is the big issue, to travel to places when you are blind is very daunting. But he did it this week. Five different offices in five days. And yesterday, was a huge success for him and his organisation. He did so well.  

 

My little Waggatail has just brought me one of my Sons socks. Nice. Used of course. Worn. Not warm though… Firstly, where’s the other one? Little fella eats them for fun, I can’t find the second sock. And, since my  Waggs brought me that sock, she has been asleep. Haha.

 

It’s poured with rain today and I have the heating on. It’s so cold. Wet and just awful. Out of all the bulbs we planted last year. Only Tulips have come up. Oh, my, hundreds of bulbs. The slugs must have dined out on my plants.

 

OK I have loads to do, I have to dash in between the rain to the post box then cook dinner for my family then write my story. I have not written one word this week. Life just happened. But today, life will stand still even for an hour and I shall type I’m going to finish this. Where it will take me? I really don’t know.

 

So, in the meanwhile, have a great weekend. And remember, if you are warm, dry and are able to read this either by sound or vision, then you are better off than so many other people.

 

Some old funny quotes

Dear automatic toilet, I appreciate the enthusiasm, but I wasn’t finished yet.

You know you are boring when you get excited about receiving a new sponge for the kitchen sink.

I drank so much vodka last night this morning I woke up with a Russian accent.

 

 

 

 

PEGASUS'S WINGS BY FIONA CUMMINGS

PEGASUS’S WINGS

BY FIONA CUMMINGS

In a land far away

Came a white horse to take you today

His saddle was gold

He stood so bold

His shoes looked so old

As if he’d trotted for miles

Suddenly you found the strength to climb up high

And then you moved up to the clouds in the sky

Your face full of smiles

You looked so young

As if you were about to have so much fun

But if only you knew

 These words so true

Those you left below

Are grieving

Crying

And they don’t know where to go

Each breath they take

Each morning they wake

They ache for you

But little do they know

Your new land

Is full of walks along golden sand

In winter pure white snow

And summers so long

That is now where you belong

Out of pain

Until they join you, once again

© Fiona Cummings

 

GRIEF BY FIONA CUMMINGS

What a week so far. In four days, my Husband has been to four totally different areas and tomorrow his fifth.

 

He and I are so close we are experiencing something we are not too keen on. We are dreaming the same dreams but sadly they are very dark dreams. The last dream we had like this really shook us both up when we realised that we had dreamt the same dream exactly same people who were strangers but the same strangers. They were Police a man and a woman.  Well last nights nightmares were worse than before. Really black and Hub and I spoke of them this morning. We are shocked we are having the same dreams I have never heard of couples doing this. I have never experienced this before neither has Hub and I know it could be because we are so close but it’s not good. Especially when it proves to come true like todays. There has been two passing’s one in our family and my dear friend from school, her Husband who was no age at all. Gosh I feel so very helpless why are there no words to say to people in such situations to make them feel better? I’m left with some quotes that I hope will help someone out there as we sip on our coffee and feel normal inside, there are people in agony, suffering out there. And today those of us who feel OK, should be so grateful we are not one of those people who are devastated right now. so, no matter of your day if you are going through pain, let’s hope it isn’t as bad as it could be. And if it is, these quotes are for you!

“Those we love may pass, but true love never dies””

Fiona Cummings

 

Grief is torture. It never ends, but it changes. It’s a passage so narrow you have to move on to let others get through too. Along that long corridor of life. Everyone has to go through it and when you come to the end, you have to say goodbye to those you love, when you get to the end, you are in a huge world that is perfect but sad because you see the tears from your loved ones. If only you could tell them/us that it’s OK, and you will be reunited all over again, but those words are not allowed to be said. So, you wait. Just wait until it’s their time, but they can only meet with you when it is their time, and that time isn’t chosen by them but their maker. If only we knew this we wouldn’t be quite so sad.

  

Their wings were ready, but our hearts weren’t prepared. But how does one prepare oneself for the pain to come, or is already here? No human has that answer, this tells me we are not meant to know. I hope and believe that particular answer will be given to us in the next land. But why we have to wait? It’s cruel, isn’t it? But there must be a reason. There has to be.

 

I shall leave you with a quote from Buddha

A bird sitting on a tree is never afraid of the branch breaking, because her trust is not in the branch, but but in her own wings

 (My own translation of this is. Trust in yourself. Don’t rely on others too much. Only you can get yourself to the next stage. No one else will lift you up to fly. Have your faith. It’s so important.)

 

 

DREAMS REALLY DO HAPPEN BY FIONA CUMMINGS

I wasn’t expecting two delightful Polish gents at my door at quarter past seven this morning, but so be it, such is life. haha.

 

Yesterday, my Son brought back home his very posh new car. He took me for a drive. Then when his Dad came home, he took him for a spin too! I must say I really will miss his old car. It was so reliable but coming up to nine years old now it will soon I’m sure develop problems and we don’t need them. Though his last make was so trustworthy, not sure of this make. All I know is it’s a proper dream car for a young lad.

 

LF had such a long day yesterday and thankfully he was well and not like the night before. Seven hours travelling though, he was shattered when he got home as was Hub. Hub has gone to his big office today an hour away.

 

It’s cold outside but sunny though we do have weather warnings of floods. Again… thankfully I don’t live in the part of the city where floods are feared.

*She touches wood*

 

Shamrock is looking for another job. Again. This will be four in a year and a half.

 

I received the most beautiful email from my sweet much loved Blogget and someone I’m proud and honoured to call a friend. She told me of the wonderful trip she had in South Africa, a place my Husband keeps trying to get me to go to with our Son. Our boy would love it, but I am so afraid of SA. I had a friend many years ago our children were in the same class at school. She was from South Africa and she told me of such horror stories. My Husband visited there with his last job many times and loved it though he said his last visit was slightly scary too! But obviously not enough, otherwise he wouldn’t want to go back. Hub wants to show Boy Wonder the well, wonders of the beauty there and the animals. He wants me to see the elephants, obviously I wouldn’t be able to see them, but touch them. Gosh, I think it would break my heart. Just to know there are such evil people out there who would kill them for fun. I will never understand hunters and the few I know of or have known, are not good people.

 

That aside, my friend went on a stunning train. It sounds like a journey for a queen.

 

It is called The Blue Train. She was met at the Pretoria station where she was met by two very smartly dressed officials and they took care of her luggage and lead her to a extremely luxurious lounge. She was given coffee and introduced to her butler who would look after her during her journey. Oh, gosh, when she told me of her suite on the train. Wow, I so badly wanted to do this journey. The walls were panelled in beautiful beach wood and had really plush carpeting. An enormous window with electric blinds. By day it was a sitting room, and by night the butler turned the amazingly comfortable sitting room into a bedroom. During the day there were two deep comfortable armchairs with foot stools and a desk and chair in case anyone wanted to work whilst travelling or have food to their cabin.       The bathroom had marble floors and gold fittings. There was a fresh bunch of flowers in a lovely vase along with a dish of delicious fresh fruit, a bottle of champagne, next to crystal glasses and more! The bedroom by night had crisp white linen and fluffy duvets.

 

She had her magnificent meals in the dining carriage in the evening. Four course dinners with a vast choice of wines etc and each table had a lamp and fresh vase of flowers. at the end of the 25 carriages, there was an observation carriage with floor to ceiling glass. Oh, my, gosh, oh, I so badly would love this holiday. At first when she told me of this journey, I did think well it’s not much fun for someone who can’t see, as surely, it’s all about the stunning scenery out of the windows, but no that would absolutely suit me down to the ground. I simply love luxury and good food and I would be able to appreciate the surroundings.

 

She went to Cape town and oh, wow, she doesn’t write about anything at all that sounds threatening. Gosh, our TV tells of such different stories. I remember when I had sight, I watched a holiday program about South Africa, I remember the colours. I had never ever seen such vibrant colours. Oh, for sure it would be a dream of mine if only.

 

I wait with each breath to hear from my friend though she and I have a totally different life, I feel such a strong connection with her and would honestly trust her as much as I would trust my own Mother. And trust is something I really struggle with. She is the most amazing lady and I am so happy she had a great time. I certainly did reading of her trip away. The way in which she writes is like the finest art in the most prestigious galleries.

 

The closest holiday I have had like that one was when I went to Sochi at the age of 14. I said goodbye to Moscow, leaving behind it’s thick white snow and below zero temperatures and said hello to 37 plus. Red hot in fact dangerously hot weather welcomed us to the black sea. A black car met us on the runway. We were asked to leave the aeroplane first I didn’t like that bit, who was I? I was no different to anyone else on that flight. The car had a chauffeur who opened my door and a very handsome gent in his mid-twenties opened the door for my Mum. We drove through avenues of magnolia trees. The blooms hung so low to kiss our car as we gently cruised by in this absolutely luxurious vehicle. The narrow avenues only let one car pass at a time and to be honest if someone told me now that the roads to our destination had been closed for our arrival, I wouldn’t be surprised as we didn’t pass one single car.

 

I have written before about this experience, but for new Bloggets, our car purred to a stop and our doors were opened by staff of a stunning huge house. They even bowed to us and again, I felt so very unworthy. We were shown to our rooms. Two massive rooms, one bedroom and a very large plush sitting room with a fantastic balcony which looked over the grounds of the property with their little ponds with frogs croaking and by night dragon flies and candles in the trees provided the lights.

 

We had our own staff and cook in fact we were the only people in the whole house of many rooms. There was a huge room on the same floor as us with a piano. Oh, Bloggets, even now thinking about this, writing about this, melts my heart if only I appreciated it at the time.

 

We too had beautiful crystal glasses, decanters behind glass and bottles to entertain an enormous party. Of course, we didn’t touch the drink but what was in  a fine dish with thick velvet like chocolates disappeared.

Each day I was taken out on a speed boat with the young gent who met us and assisted me everywhere I went. The beach wasn’t like back at home with beautiful white sands but of stones I wasn’t keen on that or the heat, but the black sea was really strange and relaxing. I was taken onto other places like the silk road in    Samarkand and the tea plants of Tashkent.

 It was a holiday fit for a Princess, but I was too young and too in love to really appreciate it all. Even the day I was asked to plant a tree in the garden of friendship. Oh, again surrounded by the press and a crowd of people picked by the party of whom invited us there I’m sure, I was handed a tool, and asked to make a graph with my name Fiona Cummings next to our prime Minister at the time, Tony Ben and Yuri Gagaran, the Soviet pilot and cosmonaut.

A dream from years ago. And back to Moscow to see my love. Who I dated for two years. I am sure we would have married if not for the KGB, the Russian Mafia and the Russian Union. Oh, and the fact that my every move was printed in black and white back then.

 

Dreams really do happen. So, never give up hoping.

© Fiona Cummings

 

 

 

   

 

 

 

 

 

DIARY OF OUR GUIDE DOGS BY FIONA CUMMINGS

It’s raining hard now, though it was lovely before. Today was the day. I had aftercare with my Waggatail. My little guide dog. As you know I don’t like aftercare, though the lady who comes out and works with me is the best. So, how did we do? Firstly, thank you to those of you who sent messages wishing me well. Hmm. Well, the GDI looked at my girl’s book and it was fine. I knew it would be as she is in good health and perfect weight. Up to date with all her injections etc. she looks very happy hence the name Waggatail. As her tail never stops wagging. Even in her sleep.

 

Of course, my dog was delighted to see the GDI and made that very obvious. She went crazy. But the GDI knows what to do and that was to ignore Waggs. Let her get over herself after a minute Wagga knew she wasn’t going to get attention, so lay down then the GDI stroked her and spoke lovely to her. When you have a guide dog and people visit you, they are meant to stand still and totally ignore the dog not looking at all towards them. Then the dog becomes calm then make a fuss. When people come to my house, because of wooden floors, it sounds like a tap dance class with their feet tapping around furiously on the floor. The noise is shocking.

 

So, we did the meet and greet. Had a chat then time to hit the road. Well, mistake number one. I put her lead on the wrong hook. There are three rings I should have put the lead on the middle one to have more control but instead, I placed on the end. Bad owner Fifi. Got out and did our walk. Again, Waggatail did good. Me? No. my lady told me I should be able to stretch my thumb out and touch my thigh. My hand was slightly in front of my leg. In other words, Waggatail was walking faster than me. I needed to catch up with her to be able to do the thumb meets thigh thing.

(Try saying that at speed.)

And then when it was time to check Waggs as she loves to sniff the end of buildings… I didn’t hold the lead low enough. So, a big fat zero for me and 9 out of ten for Waggs. It’s trying to remember these instructions. I should know basic things by, now shouldn’t I?  I guess this is why as I said the other day we need our GDI’s to visit us once a year. By me having her lead on the middle ring, it will help with her guiding me. By me keeping up with her walking, having my hand in the correct position, means I will be able to feel what’s going on through her harness better and by me holding the lead lower closer to the collar when checking, will make her take more notice.

 

At least the lovely lady won’t be seeing me for another year unless I need her for whatever reason. Like learning a new route. And to do that I guess I will move house or get a job.

 

She is such a dear lady and the first GDI I don’t feel afraid of. Some of them from my past have been a little harsh. As if they worked at one point in the army. That kind of harsh. Haha.

 

I do really have respect for this lady though because she knows what she expects and get’s what she wants she’s so genuine there isn’t a fake bone in her body. And that is rare. As you know from previous blogs, I can’t stand fake. Thank goodness Hub and I are eliminating that F word from our lives now. eventually we will have only good people in our lives. But it’s taken a long time to get there. I used to like everyone thought everyone was so nice kind and so on. Gosh how wrong was I. and when you do get those malodorous people away from you, it’s such a great feeling. Allow those people to find others like themselves and they will or they will end up very lonely and that isn’t my problem.

 

It will be a sad day when my GDI retires. I’m dreading that day. There will never be another like her. Hub thinks the world of her too!

 

So, today I wasn’t the best, but we did do the walk of shame and go through our avenue of all sorts stopping at the little road, crossing then turning onto the walk to the dreaded fearful big road. Passing by the new growth on the Spring shrubs who smiled in a kind of shrubbish smile as we passed knowing that in a few weeks’ time, their nasty bony fingers will stretch out and grab as we pass anything they can get their fears sharp spiky needle like thorns into, whether it be hair, skin or clothing!

 

The monkeys were out in full but we didn’t have to pass the zoo though I could hear them and weaved in and out of our little shops. I said a lot of not todays. As that is what I say when she heads to a shop I don’t need. Bless her. We went to the post box and then the door to the Doctors and dentist. Then back again. So, she got me there and home. I still find myself exhausted just by the thought that a totally blind person can go out and be guided by a dog. How? I have had two dogs and both have managed to guide me. I got my first guide dog 16 years ago. Gosh, that was a long time when I say those numbers I have to ask where did those years go?

 

The work that goes into training these dogs is amazing. So many people are involved from those volunteers who care for bitches, and I hate that word as that’s a word I normally reserve for, well, bitches… who produce guide dog puppy hopefuls.  Then look after our dogs for the first couple of months of their lives. Then the puppy walkers who are parents to the dogs go through all the work of dogs weeing and more being sick and so on in their houses training them for us along with Guide Dog staff for a year and a bit then have to give them up. How they do that I will never know. And even people who are called boarders who do just that. Board. Look after our dogs if we go on holiday. Care for them whilst they are in their final training after they leave the puppy walker. Our dogs used to go into kennels but thankfully now to volunteer boarders, they are cared for in a house with family. It’s so much better for our dogs I’m sure.  Also, it keeps them used to being with a family and makes the transition between puppy walker and big school less traumatic for the dogs and we get the final package of a dog who is much happier.

 

My Husband is making the very long journey home he travelled three hours there and same back. Tomorrow he is away again to his big office and Thursday to another area far away then Friday to my home town of Newcastle. My Son, he has been out of the house since 9 this morning. He’s due back by five tonight. So, very soon. He has been miles away to buy a new car. He is super excited. I was really sad to see his last car go. It has been a great car. So comfortable and reliable. So, a new chapter has begun. A book that will take five years to get to the end. Well, to pay for his car. Smile.

 

Hub won’t be in until eight tonight and leaves tomorrow morning at 7 am. I expect by the end of the week he will be tired. I know how I feel doing the walk today. When you are being assessed when eyes are on you, it’s more difficult then when you go out yourself. It still always shocks me though to think we did it, we went out and got back to our house, like a homing pigeon!

 

Thankfully the Little Fella is OK. Last night Hub thought he was going to have to leave him at home and use his white cane as LF was sick four times in half an hour. But overnight he was fine. Oh, he looked so sad. I just worried so much as our LF is a sickly Sam Trying to clean dog sick up isn’t my thing, all I can say is thank God for wooden floors… we would get one place cleaned up then he would be sick in another. Paper towels, plastic bags and disinfectant wipes later, all was sorted.

Then he threw up on his bed.

Not as easy to clean so wiped and in the washing machine. Today I put a cleaner in the machine and we are good to go again. LF has been fine though today thankfully. I love carpets but with dogs it’s just not practical.

 

OK, on that jolly note, I shall go for now. Take care. Laters.

 

DIARY OF LIFE BY FIONA CUMMINGS

 

Good afternoon Bloggets. The afternoon is chasing me and the early evening is waiting. I have just got in. I have been miles away from home today. Left Hub working from home. I’m shattered. Loads of brain work today and on my return, a pie I left from last nights dinner was waiting for me along with a knock on the door from my neighbour who brought loads of delicious homemade cakes… one I tried with a much needed cup of tea had the most magnificent thick chocolate on a hard biscuit base with huge nuts and she brought coffee cream to go on it but I didn’t have that. There are loads of cream cakes in the fridge I shall leave those to the boys for after dinner tonight. I put on 5lbs, just putting them in the fridge!

 

I am so far behind with my writing work. And must get back into that this week though tomorrow I have aftercare with my lovely guide dog instructor. Oh, no, I love the lady as I have written about before, she is my favourite instructor I have ever had, but still it’s like taking your driving test all over again.

 

Every year we are tested on how our dog is doing and how the partnership is going between me for example and my Waggatail. Well she has worked great for three days in a row, let’s see tomorrow? Haha. Moreover, see how I do.

 

We will go for a walk and my instructor says nothing much unless there is something to correct or advice to be given. She will walk behind me just observing… oh. That is not good. Every move is watched. I will have to use the correct hand motions and steps for example when I cross a road. There is a way to stand and a way to walk. At least when I used to do the odd cat walk jobs, I knew I was good and had it going on… Smile. Now, I know I’m rubbish and I certainly don’t have it going on any longer. Long have gone those days.

 

It’s really funny as the dogs just seem to know they are being watched and they even feel different in harness.  But still my lady will walk in the house, and my Wagga will show herself and me up by going absolutely mad/crazy/wild at the sight of my GDI. Of course, my GDI will ignore my Waggs until she calms down, then she will show Waggs some love. But not whilst she is doing her impression of a dog from the cat and dog shelter! My Waggatail that is, not my GDI.

 

Lots of editing this week for people’s stories. One friend and two people who were strangers until they asked me to take a look at what they have written. My friends book, I took a professional read, looking at the genre thinking no way I am going to get into this story, it was so far away from what I normally like to read, but I can tell you by the end of what I had read, I loved it all. Just shows that my friend is a natural to get someone who wouldn’t normally pick up such a book to enjoy it and want more of it.

 

I have written a lot for on line magazines etc and today I have been asked to write a speech for a wedding. But I have not committed to that until I get some of my own writing done.

 

When I left the house, my Husband was on the phone and on my return over three hours later, he was still on the phone. And guess what? He’s back on the phone. He started working at quarter past eight this morning and is on the phones until half six.

 

I can’t believe how cold it is today. The other day we had the hottest April day on record and today I have my thick jumper on again.

 

I was reading about what vitamins to take that would benefit those with the same eye disease as I have. Well not for me as it would be a bit late… there is no vision left to preserve.  Most people are told to take high doses of vitamin A. but only under a hospital/Doctor’s supervision. As too much can be very bad for your kidneys. So, an annual blood test has to be done.

 

I remember years ago in Russia when I was only 6, I was given vitamin A in injection form. So painful with the blunt needles they administrated into me. They used to boil the needles in a huge metal looking box. The sound of that when I used to enter the floor where I was to get part of my eye treatment. Oh, I felt so sick. Still to this day, I shiver when I hear the word, needle.

 

The pain I went through was the worst feeling. And the way they gave me my needles. Normally chasing me down a long dirty corridor to catch me before forcing me to be injected. Normally held tightly by a big burly ex-soldier. I remember him well and so many years later he came to talk with me and my Mum. Announcing that he was the man her daughter bit…. Oh, my Mum looked at me horrified. Well, I didn’t deny it, what was the point?

 

I was separated from my Mum for seven weeks. Given the worst painful treatment ever. No one spoke a word of English to me. I was totally traumatised. There was no explanation to what was going to happen or what was happening. I didn’t know where my Mum was and I can tell you, I was so afraid and being around some very dangerous people who had other issues going on, other to poor vision. They shouldn’t have been allowed near children.

 

There were no toys to play with, no TV to watch. Just the odd table with two men at a time playing cards and huddles of lady’s then a girl three years older than me who had deep problems and myself. I guessed at her age was about 9. I learned fast how to speak Russian. I certainly learned the word for Injection. And no. no, I wasn’t going to let that happen to me again and no they weren’t going to stop giving me them.

 

172 needles later, my torture ended, for a few months before it all started again and other pains in my life began.

 

That was a long time ago. I had a lot of sight then as in what I saw was clear. As long as I stood still I was fine, whenever I moved, it was a problem.

 

What could the Doctors do for me then? They said stop me from going blind. And they did for so long, then I stopped going to Russia when I was 22 and the pains in my eyes got worse. I was seeing more floating white lights and my vision did get slightly duller and narrower

 

But still I had enough sight to see until I had my baby then hell started just as I thought it couldn’t get any worse.

 

People ask me how did I manage bringing up a child? Well, I can’t tell you it was easy as of course it wasn’t. but I adapted as best as I could as did my baby. I have told you before how he would come to the spoon as I fed him, rather than me try to find his mouth. Same as when I gave him his bottle. He lay in my left arm. My right hand had his bottle. Now, without a hand to feel where things were, how to get the teat of the bottle in the baby’s mouth, without missing?

 

Always my hands were clean and as I held the bottle with my right hand, I freed my pointing finger to trace his tiny mouth. I kept my fingers near the top of the bottle so I could with one finger trace his mouth then pop the bottle with my left finger.

 

I won’t go into the pain I had measuring his bottles but for the formula now days, it’s easier as there are jugs with tactile lines on the inside.

 

Changing nappies? Oh, always on a changing mat. Easy to wipe down and most times baby was more still on a mat than on a towel on the floor as for a table? No, never. Too dangerous. Especially when they wriggle. Always keep your changing items to one side near you. Don’t start to spread items around example nappy bags, wipes, creams and so on. We end up using more wipes but, in the end, we get our babies clean. Just don’t make it so you have to feel for where your things are hence keeping everything together. Put everything down before putting baby down and removing nappy.

 

Most of my friends who are blind pull their babies in a pushchair behind them and use either a guide dog or white cane to get out places. For me? I actually didn’t go out with my baby alone. His fresh air was in my back garden which was vast and the air where I used to live was excellent. When he got older I did take him out to play groups and I can tell you that was hell. Not knowing where he was but at least they were organised places so not anyone could just walk in from the street. It was there I met friends and they kindly offered to pick me up and take me where they took their children.

 

I have spoken about reading bed time stories to my child and that was hell. The pain was too much for me. As this was my dream. Boarding school didn’t allow me that pleasure before bed of a story. More like a cold threat from a house mother.  I promised myself I would always be there for my child before bed and I was. But stories? I didn’t read Braille as blindness for me happened overnight and my life told me I would never go blind, reality spoke different words.

 

Obviously, I couldn’t see print so, what to do? Well then came in his cuddly toys and my different voices and imagination. A puppet show each night with different stories. When he was older, I turned pages asked him what the picture was and filled in the gaps on famous fairy tales I learned about by listening to children’s story tapes on cassette. Remember those?

 

My Son was just amazing. How he explained pictures and still today, his description is wonderful. But is that a Burdon I wanted to put onto my child? Does he think of it as a Burdon? I pray not, he never ever lets on it is, in fact the opposite.

 

It was when it came to school age. Then came the big problems. The staff and their attitude. But that is another story I have touched on many times.

 

For those who have poor vision, use what you have and for those who have been told one day they will be blind, prepare yourselves. Practice. Something I never had the chance to do. Everything happened so fast. And I had that dreadful treatment for so many years to hopefully keep my sight forever. Right? Wrong. But never mind. What happened did and I did see my babies face. But, was it better to see him for a year, or not at all as I can tell you the agony of his beautiful eyes and smile his hair and features, being removed overnight was too much for me to deal with at the time.

 

I will I hope have Grand children in a few years. I pray every single day that by then I will have sight and be able to do with my Grand baby what I couldn’t do with my own child. But one thing I did with my child is worship him and bring him up to the best I could and I have made an OK job of it all. Though in all honesty, I wouldn’t want those days years back again. If I was told before he was born of my life would I still have him and go through what I did? Of course, as if not I wouldn’t have my Son. And my life wouldn’t be complete without my child as he is my future. But the hell I went through in my opinion, was mainly brought on because I wasn’t prepared nor did I have any support as I have told you just after losing my sight both my parents died.

 

My Son and I have a very strong bond. But I am beaten with my past. I just have hope for my future. I have my Darling Husband now and together we get through life and love each day with each other. Face problems together and thank God for our guide dogs.

 

There are so many people who are blind out there on their own. No spouse no children. No friends. Just existing. I just hope you are not one of those people? As I can tell you, I was you at one time. It’s totally possible to have light in your life without seeing it, but those dark days are a killer. When you have those days, just know that light switch is not far away just look for it and turn it on.

 

If by the time my Grandchildren are born, I still can’t see, I will be so prepared. Feeding them changing their nappies and knowing what toys work and what don’t, will all be so easy.  as I have had the practice and will be prepared now. as for bedtime stories? That will be up to their Granddad who reads Braille perfectly. Smile. And I will love listening to him reading to them knowing they have gone to bed with so much more than what I went with all those years ago. I never wish for a child to go through that.

 

Hub and I will have so much love to give to our Grandchildren. We have one child so probably one two max three Grandchildren but each one will have so much in their life.

 

Is it important to read to your child before bed? Oh, yes. In so many ways it’s important for your child to close their eyes and sleep in peace without fear.

 

From the age of four I lived in fear. It’s not at all good.

 

So, if you could lose your sight, should you have a child? Of course, as I have said many times before, I was the best parent I could be and my friends who are blind are fantastic parents. We can still love and I am sure have more time for our children than what we would have if we had sight. And life isn’t what it used to be. When I had my baby, there was no tech or help like there is now. and now days thank God you don’t need to go to boarding school if you are blind. We are not locked up now days. We are part of society as are our children.

 

1.       Do everything floor level then nothing can fall or drop

2.        Before starting to feed or change baby, have everything close to hand

3.        Ask your local blind society what you can buy to make life easier

4.        Learn to use a white cane so you are able to get out with your child

5.        Buy toys that have some sound to them even if it’s just fabric that makes a sound, like those elephants with different materials which make different sounds

6.        Teach your child from a young age to put their toys back in the toy box as standing on them isn’t good especially things like Lego!

7.        Again, your local blind society will be able to help with toys if your child for example has poor or no vision.

8.        Try to go to Mother and baby/child play groups to meet others. Even if you go by taxi at first.

9.        When walking in your house if your child has their toys out on the floor, ski. Smile. Don’t lift your foot up as what goes up, has to come down and down onto a small toy?

10.    Never presume because you can’t see something, your sighted child won’t see it. So, keep everything dangerous out of the way and windows locked with the key elsewhere.

11.    If you are feeling depressed and frustrated with regards your eyesight, don’t let your child see you upset. Don’t put your pain and worries onto them.

12.   You are a parent/Grandparent just like sighted people, just some of your bits aren’t working… but if you have love in your heart you will be the best parent out there and never give up, as one day I pray there will be a cure for blindness and if we hadn’t have had a child because of our fears of how we would cope, we would  have missed so much in life.   

 

MATCHING THE SUN BY FIONA CUMMINGS

Hello Bloggets. Today I was to meet with my friend and go to a very hot fully glassed building to eat hot pizza’s. that would have been great a week ago. But yesterday was the hottest day in parts of Britain in history since records began any way, and today was hot too, so that thought today wasn’t as good as it would have been.

 

Firstly, I was meeting with my friend as my Son calls her a WAG. (Footballers Wife) as she is very beautiful tall slim and always wears stunning clothes. Long blonde hair and just has it going on… as I said to my other friend today by phone, I’m tall and blonde, but the rest is history.

 

So, had to pick out nice clothing. Oh, my, you know I didn’t sort out my winter clothes separating them from summer or getting summer outfits at the front of my robe and putting winter away, I wanted to do this at the weekend but didn’t. so, fighting in my robe with wool all around me. Not what I need when the house can’t make up it’s mind if it wants to be a green house for tomatoes or as dry as the desert.

 

I wanted to feel satins, silks, soft materials not heavy wools and thick jeans.

 

I found some thin jeans. Red. Brand new. I also found another beautiful floaty short sleeved top. Satiny material. What colour was it? I couldn’t remember. I just remembered it was patterned.

 

I got my iPhone and opened the App. Tap tap see.

 

That just told me it was a red top, well, after it told me it was a red bag… OK, I was hot, but no need to call me a bag? Haha.

 

Then I used my colour machine. It said red. Perfect, kind of. As my jeans were red. But then, oh, what shades of red? If my top had purply red and my jeans were tomato red, they would clash. So, back to the iPhone and opened another App. This time seeing AI. Flicked until it was on the right setting and it said red and white floral top.

 

But not what shade. So, I thought, oh, I am just going to wear it.

 

I waited for my friend outside and spoke to my lovely neighbour. Then off I went to have a great afternoon with my friend Geordie.

 

Thank goodness she suggested to go to a pub garden and sit and have lunch. Oh, wonderful. No cars in the background and the best company. We had a lovely meal and cool drinks topped off with a coffee at the end. The birds sang the sun shone and we laughed.

 

There is nothing I like better than going out with her. We have so much in common apart from she ‘s rich and I’m not. She is slim and I’m not…. But in general. And she’s just sunshine. We have boys the same age and with the same outlooks. And we are both from Newcastle. How much better can it get.

 

Everyone is so serious around here and when we are together we laugh so much I don’t think there is a humour like the Geordie humour.

 

Three hours later back home. I’m now hanging out washing and then I shall make the dinner for the boys tonight. I did my housework this morning and did all of my writing yesterday. So, up to date just need to chat with my Bloggets.

 

My friend said my clothes were really lovely and people just don’t match these days. I asked her if she did, knowing she does, she replied she has stopped being quite so serious about it as she would stress about it too much and realised no one else bothered. But I said does that mean it’s right not to match? I wondered if it was a generation thing. Younger parents than ours for example parents who are in their forties don’t tell their kids to match because they weren’t taught it as their parents worked full time and didn’t have time to just talk about matching clothes. What ever was ready from the wash they put on as they were rushed in life. where as my generation, our mums were full time parents and had all the time to sort out matching clothes.

 

I know people put colours together now that I would have never done like brown and black. Grey and brown. Navy and green. Purple and red. Pink and purple. White and cream.

 

We can let it go the matching thing, it would be less stressful, but I like things to look their best. When I did my modelling, I had to wear clothes that went together. Again, I doubt now days that happens. Probably it’s more like to shock now rather than what looks good.

 

I have flowers all around my house. Hub bought me some a few days ago, they are still stunning. I got some over a week ago and they are still looking grand and this week I bought some daffodils. My favourite flowers. The house smells so nice and our garden is really sweet with blooms and the sun.

 

About time as we really have had a bad winter. The longest I have ever known but two weeks ago, we had snow, and yesterday was the hottest April since records began, so the weather is totally messed up and it’s the wildlife I feel sorry for.

 

My Son as you know walked alpaca’s the other day through the forest. He was telling me that they only give birth once a year and when they are about to have their babies, it’s called unpacking…. Hahaha. I must check that out I do wonder if the farmers were having a laugh with BW.

 

He’s out tonight with his friends. So, Hub and I will be spending time in our back garden enjoying what is left of the sun.

 

Tomorrow we are out and about not sure where exactly but somewhere. I hope you have a lovely weekend until next time when I will be touching on a subject I have been asked to write about, smile and be happy. Enjoy your weekend. Just take time for yourself.