PAIN AND PARENTING

Pup allowed us to have our first sleep in today. Poor hub has been  suffering with eye pain for a few days now. He  used to be so ill with it, he often was hospitalised, but for a year he suddenly had very little pain without explanation. No explanation for suddenly after thirty eight years getting it either. The pain is so bad and his eyes  bleed. It is awful. Sometimes, he faints with it, just collapses and the worst thing about it, I can’t do anything and I feel so useless. The Doctors are just  not interested. He has been to every Doctor who is supposed to be an expert on eyes in the UK and no one knows why he gets this pain and no one seems to care. It is as though,

“Well you are blind, so what is the point of bothering. Just pop the pills.” The problem is, the pills don’t always work and they are so severe, they have other side effects.

He used to get injections of morpheme. We know what that  does to the body? And he is so young, it is a disgrace. When he used to have this abrupt treatment, he had to go to hospital for it and he would lose  days from his life, whereby he did not know where he was.

So I have left him in bed, though he told me he was going to have to get up as he did not know where to put his head. It’s awful.

Those who have constant pain, will know how depressed it can leave you in?

I just wish I could do something? I used to pray for me to take some of his pain if not all of it? I would for him. Nothing worked.

It’s a cruel world, take away the vision and give plenty of pain too!

I hope it will be better tomorrow, it’s just he gets it every few days now, it used to be every day, so it is better, but why at all?

My dogs are teasing each other with their toy and my fire is on warming up the living room. Not so cold out there today, but more snow is forecast.

The teens posh girl came last night, She was not a happy bunny. Not sure why? She doesn’t really have much of a life as study is her breath. Every spare moment she has, it  is study.

I am not sure where the childhood comes into it?

Though study is  imperative.

I can just tell, she is getting really down with it.

She was as lovely as ever though.

After what teen has  in order for her on Valentine’s day, I just hope the romance lasts? Though I am terrified  she gets pregnant.

Can you imagine? All this private education, over £200,000, and at sixteen ending up pregnant?

I am a nervous wreck. I have told teen how important it is they don’t get pregnant, he tells me he is not stupid. I have tried to explain in a way that it would wreck her life and mean that what the parents have done for her for thirteen years, would all be waisted.

he tells me he understands, I tell him her Dad is a farmer, and his Mother knows powerful business men, he tells me he gets my point. Does that make me feel better and more relaxed? Nope?

I just wish he was not even wanting to experiment with girls right now, but he is and he  chose this one. Who in five years’ time, would be perfect, now, I am anxious to say the least.

The thing is, he says he respects the fact that I no way want them to have sex in this house, and I keep making sure that they know that I could come to their room of pleasure at any time, at her house, the Mother rightly so, will not allow them in the bedroom, so where are they having sex? I am sure they are?

 May be, I should tell her there is a chance that her baby to teen could be born with my eye condition? Though I don’t want to put her off him, that would be too cruel. As I feel bad and guilty enough for the fact that because of my gene, I could pass my eye disease on to teen and his children in the future.

This guilt I have to live with forever. I took that chance, when I conceived him. And those who have read my earlier blogs, will know what I went through to get to that decision?

God   parenting? For them? I hope not.

Until later my friends, with love.