MY JOB

 Well I am about to go to bed and only have four more sleeps without my Husband, I am sure I will sleep well? I am missing Hub now, and teen is going through a real rough stage in life. I have friends with kids all ages, non the age of my teen, so don’t know if this is normal, with hormones and he has the stress of school, exams, what to do with his future and all what has gone on in his life. He has had a traumatic past four years too, as his life has been turned upside down, not that  his life was really the right way up before that.

All I know is, he has a Mother who loves him more than any mother could love him and yet he continues to push me. He gets very tearful and so depressed. It really worries me.

He gets really angry too. I don’t know if this is normal, but if you are going through the same, you are not alone.

He just said to me before, he has not got a family. What should I have said?

What I did say was, he had a Mum, step Dad two uncles and a mad loving aunt.

I know what he means, but can’t agree with him, as that would make him feel worse.

He adores his American what he calls as close to grandparents as he will ever get, but never sees them and I know he really needs stability, but it’s not my fault I don’t have my parents. I am reminded every day  by him, that I don’t have them. This is the trouble, when parents get children when they are already of an age. They make the best parents by far, but they are not around for their kids when they get older, when they need help, a guide for bringing up their children. They are not around for their grand children

I ask what the perfect age to have a child is. There is no answer. The right time to have a baby, is when it is right for the individual, the time that goes wrong, is the time when that child gets older and it affects that child when they are a young  orphan and it affects your children’s kids.

I can’t give him more than I do. I am struggling to be a wife that my husband wants, a Mother that my Son needs and the independent blind person who everyone expects me to be.

I know one thing, I am not going back to the dark days. I have found my path now and there is no stopping me.

I am tired of trying to be a teacher, nurse, psychologist, lover and a good pet owner, as well as run a house.

One thing I am not tired of, and that is helping people. I love to help you out there. I love it when my friends tell me I have been some support to them, as that is my job in life, If I fail at being a Mother, wife, pet owner, I still find I am helping my friends, so I am still needed thank God, and needed for a job I love to do. A job I was born to do.

I often used to ask myself

“Why was I born? The woman who gave birth to me tried to kill me before I was adopted, she failed, why? Well days like yesterday, when I know I was of use to three or  four people in my life, that is why.

I hope my Son grows out of this stage and I wish for his happiness, but only he can do it now. I have planted the seed, watched the flower grow, watered and fed it, given it sunshine and a nice place to live. There is nothing more I can do.

There comes a time in life, when you have to realise, if you keep running yourself down, you will break. I am not doing that ever again. I still have shattered peaces, all over, that can never be put together, but the pot of glue has been  thrown away and I have washed my hands clean. But my arms and heart, will always be ready for loving.