OUR HOUSEHOLD AND CATCH UP

Good evening Bloggets. I hope I find you better than me right now? Hub been to work all day in Peterborough. I received two itineraries from his PA, who is kind enough to copy me into all Hubs roaming around the world!  I know where he is, as he can tell me, but because a huge part of me does not want to know, as though I am burying my head in the sand, not wanting to see the inevitable, I like to have his itinerary, so if I need it, it’s there on my mail.

So it’s Germany next week, then Ireland. Poor thing has been in agony today with his eyes. He was on the silly time train this morning and just wanted it to break down, so he could come home, he probably should have not gone, but it takes a huge amount for him not to do his job 100%. He said he was almost passing out with the pain. When I first met him he used to be so ill with it, hospitalised almost every month, but thank God, now it is just about bearable. I know it is stress related and a lot is going on at work right now. He is devastated to see some of his colleagues / friends leave the company. The friends who have been there since day one of him starting his work twenty years ago.

He has the day off tomorrow; we are supposed to be going to the town. I won’t be going if he is not well. If we go, I hope we come back with three suits? In fact, I hope we can find the blooming place? I mean, how ridiculous? Dry cleaners, in a news agent shop? What next,  

Hair dressers, in butchers?

Saturday, I am going to T & G hair dressers. Can’t wait. Can you believe it has been nine weeks since I got my hair cut? I soooooooo want to cut it short, but Hub would be so sad, and it would take forever for my hair to grow as it grows so slowly. I smile now when I think of my dear Mums words to me not long before she died.

“Don’t get your hair cut darling; it’s all you have left going for you?”

Charming? Hahahahaha. At the time, I was gutted at such a negative comment, but now I laugh about it, as she is so right? Ha.

Well, if I cut my long blonde hair, perhaps people will look at my brain?

No?

Oh!

Oh what a night? Really, I’m simply fed up. It’s hell at home with my Son. He hurts me so much and when he is like this, he is so like his father. I would not mind so much, but, until Christmas, he was such a lovely person and so very caring. We had an amazing relationship, but now I really believe he hates me. I don’t use that word loosely either, I feel it and hear it in every word he says to me. He can crush me like sugar.

Kick me like there is a bomb in the ball and he needs to get away from it.

His girlfriend is a real bad influence on him, though it is his fault, he is being awful; it is since he has met her. I really don’t understand it. I really don’t. He just treats me like I am his worst enemy. He told me last night in two years, when he goes to University; I will never need to worry again, as I will never see him again.

Oh that breaks my heart. I am absolutely shattered with the dreadful way he talks to me. We had such a bond and now nothing. He said the day my Hub came into my life, is the day I stopped loving him.

That is so untrue. Just for the first time in my life, I took time for myself. For once for a change, I was not a wife or full time cook, cleaner and nurse, I was me, Fiona.

I kind of am, like the old personright now again , but this time, if there is not a meal on the table I don’t get into the trouble I did with my X, but still feel like I have one purpose in life, to cook, clean and be there for everyone but myself. But this time my teen feels like I am not bothering with him. Truth is, he is not bothering with me? I try to ask him to go places with us, he says I am using him for his eyes, even if we order a taxi, and just go to a restaurant? I mean how blooming nasty is that?

He is really really getting me down. The things he says to me is just awful. Sadly, my Husband doesn’t like teen never has, so it doesn’t take much to start the bad atmosphere here. All the time I am waiting for an irruption to start. I just can’t stand fighting with teen either. I am sure he blames me for the absence of his Father, but when will he realise, that his Father is not a good influence? I tell you, his father would have killed him by now, and I am not just saying that? I can’t imagine what life would have been like with him? Having said that, teen may have turned out a better person? As in those days, he was lovely. I’m not having Bunches here for a very long time, as Hub doesn’t want her here but I can’t sit and  play happy families, when she is not here, teen is so horrible, so why all smiles in front of her? I’m not that two faced and I can’t not say anything when something is on my mind.

I get myself into loads of trouble with that, but, at least when I say, I love you, I mean it? When I say I don’t like you, I also mean it. Like it is, like it or not?

Our smoke alarm is beeping all the time. We should get new batteries?

My artist friend has told guide dogs, that Waggatail, is rubbish? Needs re training? Charming? Should that not be up to me?

Hub says if they see how she is working, they will remove her, or they should as she is unsafe. But when I am with Hub, she is OK, as long as he keeps talking, I can follow, it is when I am on my own with her, and I am terrified. Too many mistakes, but I want to keep her, she is so happy now, when I first got her, she was so unloved. I could tell.

My little old retired guide dog, Black beauty, is getting a little on the shall we say, well covered flesh side. She looks like a small square coffee table.

Hahaha.

I guess I should go to bed right now? I am really tired so hope I will sleep tonight? Where ever you are, take care of your selves? xxxxxTomorrow see if we managed the town?