A dreadful night of tossing and turning. Constantly moving.
If only I had that energy through the day? I sometimes hate bed. I start to
think. This is my problem. My heart starts to beat irregularly and I panic
thinking I’m going to have a heart attack. Honestly, I get in a right state.
This makes it worse. I can’t breathe, start to feel really ill. I hate the
sound of my brain and mind thoughts. My body aches. I can’t relax. I try to
scrunch my eyes up as they won’t close automatically. In the end, I get up as I
become paranoid about life. So here I am. Writing to you all around the world.
Wouldn’t it be so nice, to go to bed, and feel so comfortable and just sleep.
Have lovely dreams, rather than dreadful realistic ones like I do have. I never
have more than one hour sleep at one time, and that hour seems to be full of
nightmares. So I come downstairs and write.
It’s not that I’m not tired, I am, very. When my Husband is
not here, I hate the cold space which is left without him next to me. When he
is here, I can’t bare the thought of the next day he will be leaving again.
Crazy. That’s me!
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