JUST BEFORE BED (REFLECTIONS)

Just before bed. Good evening my dear Bloggets. Well if you read my earlier blog about my brother in law and partner leaving for Australia, you will know that today has been a mixture of delight in spending time with our family, and yet deep sadness that they are moving countries. It’s not as if we can pop on an aeroplane and fly over to them within a few hours? And the part of Au they are going to is as far away as the moon!

Well, not quite, a slight slip of the keys, into an exaggerated   mood.

 

So tonight just before bed some words on Reflections.

Reflections of life. How we have memories and can reflect on our past to our advantage and disadvantage.

 

Our family emigrating has left us with beautiful memories of our times with them. Words that were spoken laughter which seems to echo in my mind as though ones brain has been haunted. Haunted by the past, so how will that affect our future?

 

Such good times with them and now they will be no longer. How does someone deal with this? Another new chapter in your Fifi Bloggets life.

 

Of course they will be in our heart forever and they are still healthy and alive. We will see them again just not for a very long time. I guess I worry as where they are going is so far away, and though I wanted to hang on to them today and scream, no you are not leaving us. Who will help us to get our chairs from the furniture shop like you did, who will bring us your off casts of plants that poked me in the eye so I had to be rushed to hospital and given awful drops and creams for a week who was in agony with your blooming plants, who will be there if we really need them? Who will make it fun when we are out at the shops? We saw them perhaps three times a year, but that is three times more than we will now. Who will be there for them, if they need us? OK, we are the blind couple who perhaps they wonder what on earth we could do for them. But emotionally I would hope they know we are there for them and we always have a spare room if they need somewhere to come. Also Hub is my bro in laws big brother. Everyone needs a big brother. Who will give me the big bear hugs? My brother in law is a gentle giant and I’m so going to miss his genuine love and support when the chips are really down.

 

I guess he is moving on for a new life? And Hub said today that who can blame him.  Though Hub is truly devastated. Problem with my love is, he never shows this. He is the business man through and through when it comes to public. But he has had to be like that all of his life. He went to boarding school at the age of three. A baby for goodness sake. I know when I went I was six and you do develop a wall to protect yourself. Yu can’t show your emotions. So at school without the love of parents, if you dared to show how homesick we were, I should say we got shot down verbally. You come home at weekends and you couldn’t tell your parents how bad school was as it would upset them and in those days, there was no choice but send people who had sight problems, away to school. Thank God things have changed now.

 

You also can turn out like Hub where you can’t let anyone into your heart as that could have damaging consequences. That would involve expressing emotions. An yet to me, Hub is honest with his feelings but I think that is because I can empathise with him as I too have lived that life of two persons in one.

 

For so long I kept my feelings hidden now? I obviously am rebelling. Hence this page, though I would say that possibly twenty per cent of my life is on here.  To a lot of you my entire life is, but no it’s not. And I get told things every day that will never make this blog, but my twenty per cent is to some a whole life.

 

So the disadvantage of reflecting on today is the pain of what was, and the advantage? Well, is there any?

 

There is. My heart is warmer and my mind is wiser having known such people. And with technology we can keep in contact!  

 

“Reflect upon your present blessings!” Wasn’t that what Charles Dickens wrote? My blessings right now are to know my in laws are I hope going to be very happy. Though if I’m being totally honest, the selfish side of me hopes they will stay for half a year and return. Full time back in the UK. But I have to be selfless. That is what is expected of me.

 

I’m grateful for the time I have known my brother in law, though short may it have been. So I must express my gratitude, as gratitude makes sense of our past, creates peace for today and a vision for tomorrow.    

 

I know wherever my brother and partner in law goes, wherever they end up, I know they will be there totally. I also know that people will love them and welcome them with open arms. As they are good people and deserve the best and if emigrating is what they want, then good luck to them both.

 

So just before bed. I ask our maker for my brother in law and his love to be true to them and peace and harmony shall follow them wherever they go.

 

 I hope they put their interest in the future as that will be where they spend the rest of their lives.  

 

With my words I hope I have been diligent. As my heart would have written so much more.

 

So tonight tears will fall on my pillow, but reflecting on my times spent with those I love who are moving on, are precious and no one can remove that from me. No one can rob me of my thoughts and memories. And no one can tell me how I should feel, but they can tell me they have been where I am right now and together we can hold one an others hand and through that we shall obtain strength.