Just before bed. Today has been a lovely day an yet full of
memories. The 20th of December would have been my loving Mums
Birthday. How badly I miss her and wish I could buy her a gift and get delight
on watching her open it. I know she would have been in so much shock but shock
in a good way to see how I have moved on in life. I grew up with a loving
Mother who lived to find me sight in my destiny of losing it all. In my Mothers
world I would one day, see like her and there wasn’t even for a second a chance
that wouldn’t happen as her who was a partially sighted daughter of course
would have no life in the dark. No one blind could study or take on a profession.
They couldn’t leave the house without another person by their side and as for
ironing and cooking? How?
She knew no one with sight loss and lived in a sighted
world. She was a lot older than me and feared the worst of leaving her disabled
daughter on her own.
As a young girl I had no problem in finding suiters as the opposite
sex always found me a pleasure to be with an yet it was my Mums mission for me
to marry at a very young age, then my Husband would look after me for when she
had gone.
All her life was dedicated to travelling all over the world
to find the cure which didn’t exist. I received treatment from the former USSR
for in total sixteen years. Full of torture pain and agonising nights worrying
about the next visit to Russia, what it would bring for me and once again
ripping at my life taking me away from normality. Those Bloggets who have read
from the start of my page will know of what I mean right now.
My Mum did her best. I married in my mid to late teens and I
was my Husbands magnet and shadow. He kept me repressed no fault of his and I was
alright with that way of life for so long, then it was time to change. I got to
the age where only I knew that only I could change my life. No one was going to
do that other than myself. Well, no one was going to do that in a positive way.
The birth of my Son was the birth of a new life plan. I went
totally blind when my baby was in need of someone who could see, an yet we both
adapted to a life that I never knew before his birth.
I was a seed and with water from my maker and the brave new
me, I stepped out into the big bad world. And it was bad, believe me. By the time I realised that or by the time it
was confirmed, I wanted to lock all of the doors and pull down the blinds. Lock
myself away. But I was a Mother and for most of my Sons life, the only parent
he had full time.
I had to go out of my safe place safe whilst I was on my
own. Then the next page turned in my book. I didn’t turn that page it was
flicked over for me.
More water fell on the seed and flowers in the garden
surrounded me with life.
I grew stronger but not before I was trampled on and even
dug up.
And then my Prince came along and placed me high on a hill
where only the sun shone and no wind blew only gentle raindrops fell.
My eyes opened like the petals on a flower.
I was to read the next chapter and grow to the sky of life.
Blind people could do things, yes, it’s difficult and some days I cry I break
my heart just doing what to some people is the most simplistic task of all. To
me is a challenge. A battle too, but a battle I have to fight. I have two
choices. Lie down and allow my enemies to kill me or stand up and protect
myself and follow my army to the field and show my allies how strong I am.
There are days when I don’t feel strong, when I just want to
close that door lock it and throw away the key, but then my darling now and
forever Husband, that prince who found me, stands by me and together we can climb
mountains and what we can’t do, we learn how to do it another way.
So for my Mum who tried to protect me from reality, without
any malice, I want to tell her what I can do, what I have done. I want to show
her my amazing Husband who has travelled the world in his other job, who has
been a University lecturer and who has driven a truck through the crowds of
people who blanked him and saw through him as if he were a ghost. Driven
through the crowds so they had to look at him, they had to listen and they had
to move out of the way and allow him through onto a clear road.
So just before bed, those of you who are in a dark place
right now, only you can change it and climb out, reach out to those who want to
pull you from devastation that is killing you. Those people may not be in your
life forever. You may hope they will be as they to you are your hero’s. But let
me tell you, they were put on earth to help you. Now you must find your own people.
People who are there for you and those who need you. Right now you may not
think anyone needs you. I can tell you there are so many people out there who
are alone right now who need a kind heart like yours but most of all, there are
people out there who will laugh with you as like a pair of gloves, you are the
left one they have the right. And in your gloves are hands waiting to fit
perfectly.
So tonight before bed. Know you have a purpose in this
life. I promise.
Goodnight God bless.
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