STEP BY STEP

Thank God I  am not a Step parent but I have friends who are and they tell me of their horror stories, as well as happy endings!

Becoming a step parent is daunting but understanding your own feelings and those of others can help you turn a difficult task into a rewarding experience.

How can you love a child who you have just met? How can you feel comfortable  with a child that belongs to another? A person who may have hurt your partner? Who still may be making life very hard for the new person you are in love with? How can you care about a child who shares the same genes as your new lovers x?

Will you ever care or love your Step child? You may hate them, yet that is a strong feeling to have, hatred! How do you deal with this? By telling them, the child that is, that you do not like them, you hate them and you wish they had never come into your life? Making that  child feel like he or she is in the way. How does that child feel when you tell them this?

Your Step child already has so much to deal with, either they have been left for your new love, or have to live with you with their parent! For them, a new life, a new face to face every morning over the breakfast table! New rules and boundaries! Their parent who has loved them for so long and sometimes only them, now has hardly any time for the child and needs to be  with the new Step parent, leaving the child feeling very alone and lost, stuck in the middle of a nasty situation! Torn between both of their natural parents. Seeing their parent betray their other parent. How does that child feel? Hatred towards the new person in their life? No regard and  without respect, as how can the child respect a person who tore their family apart?

You must remember who the adult is in this scenario?

You need to give all the children plenty of reassurance and help them to understand that couple relationships are different, not better.

Many stepfathers take on a lot of responsibility - emotionally, practically and financially - but may feel they have no power and aren't appreciated. And if you have children of your own, you may spend less time with them than with your stepchildren, which can lead to feelings of guilt and resentment.

Step Mothers have a huge task, of being the loving one and comforter. Well this can be difficult when your  step children do not want you in their lives! How do you  keep your cool? How do you care for your new family?

By biting your tongue and understanding. Put yourself whether you’re a Step Mother or Father, in their shoes? Imagine you are that child for a day?

 Think about your childhood. A family of your two parents and

You as the third party, as third party is how you will feel? Your parents split and the new person comes into your life? Step tells you when you should go to bed, in the same house as where your other parent who is now absent told you what to do! Your new step tells you what you can eat, from the cupboards where you have been helping yourself to for years and now a stranger comes and is in charge of the cupboards, as well as your life!

Once you have made rules and set boundaries, make sure the natural parent, enforces the discipline.  This will help to avoid a build up of resentment, between the Step child and  Step parent!

It  is so common these days to have a Step. As statistics show, it is estimated that there are over 1 million children living in full time step families in Britain. Step families, also known as a new form of terminology I have just learned, (blended) families, a word I am not sure I like, as really do not like labels, but this is what those families are called. Blended families. The number of children living within a step-family has risen by over 300,000 throughout the past 12 years;

You'll need to maintain realistic expectations of your new family life and a sense of humour. In addition, you may find the following helpful:

1.    Make sure you set clear rules and responsibilities with your partner.

2.    Spend time with your stepchildren alone. Remember that building relationships takes time.

3.    Develop a relationship with your stepchildren before attempting to discipline them.

4.    Try not to take their negative feelings too personally. They are probably upset with the situation, not by you as a person.

5.    Encourage children to spend time alone with your partner, and also with their other parent. This will help them to see that you respect these relationships and never call the child’s parent living or absent in front of the child/children!

I do know of people who are very happy with their step now, I just really wish people would calmly think about their actions, before they destroy lives and implant scars for life, for others?

Remember, it is not the fault of your Step child, how they have come into the world, or who made them, the fact is, they are part of you now, so learn to live in harmony and understanding. Give your step, what you want yourself. Coming from someone who is adopted, blood does not have to be family! Family is who loves you, who cares for you and most importantly, who will be there if you are in need.

Be happy my blended ones! x