HOUSE FOR SALE

house for sale

Well one of my true but silly stories. I have sold two houses in my life, don’t worry, they were mine? Both times I had some funny experiences! The first time, my second house as a adult, a lady came to view it. Well, she walked through the door, unaware that I could not see and jumped up and down in my hall. Screaming

“Yes, yes, yes. I love it!”

I just stood there, looking or not at her. Thinking, “What?

She got so excited by the house and she had not even got through the tiny five foot by three foot hallway/porch/entrance.

She continued to hop skip and jump through the house and when we got to our rather grand dining room, with its Italian styled appearance, she screeched

“Oh, my God, I knew it, I just knew it?” I was thinking, “Well, I wish she   would tell me it? Then she said the “Tiles on the floor, were just like her and her Husband!”

Well, it was at this point, that I was sure I was showing a lunatic around my house? How could the tiles be her and her Husband?

She then went on to tell me that they were like them because they were black and white?

“Ohohoh!” So, not square, cold and porcelain?

She then told me that she liked the playroom, as it was a dark room for her husband……

Then when she saw the open plan staircase, she clapped her hands saying how perfect that was, because her Husband liked open staircases, so he can see who is around him?

“There’s watching your back when you’re out, but in your own house?

Well she asked if I had a door from the garage to the back garden without having to be seen. I said there was a door where by you could go into the garage and in the back garden without the street seeing? She was amazed and said that when her Husband cut the grass, he hates being seen with the lawn moor. So he would be able to hide?

“What?

Well, this weird lady brought her Hub the next day and all I knew about him, was the fact he was the colour of the black tile on my floor, and he was so very laid-back? She said he was so laidback, he was almost horizontal?

The doorbell rang. I opened it, she came in and I gave her chance to let her Husband come through before shutting it. Hearing a Jamaican accent calmly shouting

“Ouch!” “Oopsy, the Husband was so laidback, he literally came in on his back? I had jammed him in the door. The odd lady was already in my sitting room and remarked in a gentle way,

“That’s my Husband?”

After all that, they did not buy the house. I wonder why?

The second house I sold this summer, well, that was more peculiar. The man was of an age that you would not expect to buy a three story modern large house, but one would would expect to be looking at bungalows? Not wanting to stereotype?

The wife could hardly walk and there were loads of stairs to the house.

I told the estate agent to tell the unsuspected family that I could not see. Did not want to jam  anyone else in the door?

Well this old man walked in, followed by his old wife, followed by his Mother, who proudly announced that she also was blind, then a daughter, and just as I thought that was it, another daughter was announced.  It was a procession. The old man told me about his two new knees, his Mothers eyes and his wife having both her breasts removed.

Then when he found my teen’s guitars, picked one up, sat on his bed and told me he was a singer in the clubs and he was known as Gorgeous, George?

Then began to sing and play.

He spoke in a voice that sounded about ninety eight. It was as though he was on a roller-coaster? It shook more than an earthquake.

Well when he sang, it was the same voice. It was so funny, that I thought he was putting on his voice? Was he a con man whilst the rest of the family were robbing the place? No, his eldest daughter stood on my landing and began to harmonise and dance? She was about thirty?

I could not take the smile from my face. I was so red with embarrassment? It was a joke? No, it wasn’t. And before he left, he told me I was beautiful and kept a lovely house considering my blindness, hahahaha, and grabbed my face and kissed me….

“Yack, yack and double yack? Sealed with a kiss? He bought the blooming house? Hahahaha. Good luck to the awful neighbours I had.

The moral of this story is, you never know who you are inviting into your house?

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