4a.m

4  a.m.

Here I am again, alone. Well not quite, I have the teen in bed sleeping deeply and our two dogs, oh and of course Dean, our canary, but I feel so empty and lonely.

My husband has just left for the hour long journey to the airport! I really really worry about him travelling. If it were up to me, I would wrap him and the teen up in cotton wool and keep them safe from the world. Hub is so brave. He is off to Romania for two nights. He is going to Brussels first then flying to Romania. So  a gap in my heart again till he is home.

I hate the sight of suitcases. I for many years did not like going on holidays because of that. Too many memories of boarding school. From the age of six, I will never forget the red case that stood in our  living room waiting for the inevitable. That cold dark November Sunday night that left permanent scars on my soul, in my heart and right through my mind! The  chilling foist nights which followed, tore strips from my life and had serious effects on how I think and live now.

Yes that is the past and now is the future, but it’s like going on a summers walk, looking forward to the day ahead, and just as you enter the Forrest, surrounded by  beautiful bluebells, you fall down a  foxhole and break your leg, banging your head on a stone on the way down, then having to carry on  as no one is around to help. I am on that walk with that break.

My Husband was at the same boarding school as me but he was only three when he got sent there. I can not imagine sending my Son away at the age he is now, let alone three? Even when he is being a horror, I would never send him away, but in the days of time gone by, our parents had little choice. If you had bad sight, schools did not interact with us. I started my life at a sighted school, but the staff were quite awful, I could see a little in those days and my hand writing used to go off the lines. One teacher when I was only four, used to hit me / smack me because I had done such a dreadful crime. Thank God now children are excepted in schools for so called normal children.

Don’t get me wrong, our school for the blind, was ok, the teachers at my first and second school were lovely, it was the house staff. The after school, when we should have been home. Oh that was not good times. I missed my home life so very much but the friends I made live in my heart forever and I am still friends with quite a few of them and will be  always. They are more than friends, one in particular, is my soul mate and we are really close and my Husband was my first boyfriend at school when we were little.

We innocently used to meet up at play time how we ever found each other I am not sure, but we always did. He would take my hand and we would run down what was called the valley, to a huge wooden construction called the pyramid. It was oddly enough made by my Husbands Dad.

We would kneel so no one could see us behind this vast climbing frame and steel a quick kiss, then run off and play with our friends. Each Christmas now, I buy a small pyramid, to remember our start in life.

The funny thing is, we laugh now, the climbing frame, was slatted, so everyone would be able to see us, we thought we were being so clever?

 Well it is just after four in the morning now, I can not go to bed, till I know my Husband is safely at the airport, so will browse the net and then go to my slumber. Till later my friends, treasure what you have whilst you have it and if you haven’t found any treasure yet, there is always tomorrow, next week, next year. Your pot of gold is waiting for you, but the time must be right! With love!