I CAN'T STAND IT

It’s no good. I stayed up till three this morning, it’s now quarter to five in the morning and I can not see the point of lying in bed tossing and turning, feeling more sick by the minute and getting so stressed and won up that I get pains in my heart. I am in knots. I just can not relax/chill! I live in a life of constant dental appointments and gynaecological tests, well ok, I don’t but that is what it is like, that dreaded/dreading feeling. Just wishing everything was O.K and safe, calm and happy?

My Husband text me hours ago, seems like another lifetime it’s been that long. He told me he was devastated as he has lost his kindle. When he got his bags checked at the airport, from Baltimore to L.A, it must not have been put back in his bag. His kindle keeps him in a better frame of mind, as he spends hours in transit, just sitting around waiting, a bit like me, my life is in constant turmoil, just sitting waiting for news of his next stage in life?

I think in the seven nights he has been away, I have had about thirty hours sleep max.

I feel like I have a monster eating away at my insides. How beautiful it would be to live near the ocean, to hear the sea sounds and smell the salt. Being kept warm by the person who loves you most? Knowing each other is there every day, or at least every sleep?

Hub and I knew each other at school. We were both six when we met. We were at the same boarding school, so away from our parents, so like many of us at school then, we clung onto each other like brothers and sisters, but Hub and  I had something special between us and he was my boyfriend till we were twelve and the cruelty of secondary school, split us up, for what seemed forever.

It was only the determination and kindness of an old school pal from our first school, who had the idea of organising a reunion that brought us together after twenty eight years.

That person saved my life, and I am eternally grateful to her.

I was in a dreadful marriage. A cruel one, strangled by fear and imprisonment. I only went out of the house to collect my Son from school! Each time I stepped out of the front door, I felt as though I was walking on a tightrope. My x had me a jibbering wreck. I had no self belief, no hope and no future. I was as low as the floor and still have huge effects because of those dreadful twenty four years. But one year, I was contacted by a person from guide dogs and asked if I would like to go to the reunion from my old school? I had declined the year before, but I had it in my mind that I was going to start and live. I had made arrangements to leave my x by the Christmas and was just waiting for conformation of a place to live. Far away where he could not touch me or my Son.

To cut a long story short, I looked on the website and read some of my old friends’ stories, who were coming to the reunion. It was for sure a blast from the past?

Then the name came up on the screen. Oh my God, that name? I never could or would forget that person and I wrote to him a simple email saying do you remember me, Fiona Cummings from school?

He wrote back

“Remember you? I have never forgotten you; you were the love of my life!”

My heart stopped. I died, and was born again.

We talked for hundreds of hours on the phone and sent emails by the score. That first phone call was really funny, as I had not heard his voice since he was a boy, now was a man. A posh sounding man too! He spoke such beautiful English So fine and educated, but at school, he was always the brain of the class!

How we eventually met, is a story and a half.

But four months after first contact, we were living together and thirteen months later we were married.

We missed so much of our life together, and I know our friends thought we were a little on the impulsive side, but we had waited too many years, and now we are together, we are hours away from each other and thousands of miles.

How can that be right?

So now I spend hours on my own just waiting.

MY EYE CONDITION

 

Second Sight Surpasses Major Milestone for Blind People with Retinitis Pigmentosa <http://2-sight.eu/landing-spot-fifty-db>

50th and 51st Patients Worldwide implanted with Argus® Retinal Prosthesis; Additional Procedures Planned across Europe and Elsewhere.

Lausanne, Switzerland, October 25, 2012. Prof. Stanislao Rizzo, vitreoretinal Surgeon and Director of U.O. Chirurgia Oftalmica, AOUP, Pisa, Italy, marked an important milestone last week when a patient blinded by Retinitis Pigmentosa (RP) was implanted with an Argus II Retinal Prosthesis (Argus II), becoming the 50th patient in the world to be implanted with sight restoring technology manufactured by Second Sight Medical Products Inc. The next day his colleague Prof. Albert Augustin, Augenklinik Karlsruhe, Germany, implanted the 51st device into a German patient.

"I am very proud to have been the surgeon that performed the milestone 50th implant," said Prof. Rizzo, "Our patients are really grateful for this groundbreaking therapy as this gives them back more autonomy in their daily life".

RP is a rare, hereditary disease that causes a progressive degeneration of the light-sensitive cells of the retina, leading to significant visual impairment and ultimately blindness, which until now was untreatable. Second Sight's Argus II System employs electrical stimulation to bypass these defunct cells and stimulate remaining viable retinal cells to induce visual perception in blind individuals.

Prof. Rizzo added, "The results we have seen to date have gone way beyond any expectation that I had. Patients that previously had practically no residual vision, can now distinguish shapes, move around and eat more independently. This has an enormous emotional and functional impact on their quality of life. As well, the safety profile has been very strong and none of my seven patients have experienced a serious adverse event."

The 51st patient was implanted by Prof. Augustin who said, "This is a great opportunity! For the first time in history we are re-establishing visual function in these blind patients."

"The cooperation of hospitals all over Europe has been very gratifying", said Gregoire Cosendai, PhD, Head of Europe for Second Sight. "Leading ophthalmologists are now aware of the meaningful benefit that Argus II offers their patients and are becoming proactive in advancing the therapy in their clinic. We will soon see additional procedures performed in other countries, both within and outside Europe."

About the Second Sight Retinal Prosthesis System

The system works by converting video images captured by a miniature camera, housed in the patient's glasses, into a series of small electrical pulses that are transmitted wirelessly to an array of electrodes on the surface of the retina. These pulses are intended to stimulate the retina's remaining cells resulting in the corresponding perception of patterns of light in the brain. Patients then learn to interpret these visual patterns thereby regaining some visual function. Six of the first 50 patients were implanted with a first generation Argus I system, that was attached to an electronic implant inserted invasively in the skull behind the ear with a wire connecting to the eye under the skin. The last 45 patients have received the second generation Argus II system, which is much less invasive and is implanted only in and around the eye. Second Sight gained European approval (CE Mark) for the Argus II system in 2011 - the first and only approval of a retinal prosthesis anywhere in the world. In September 2012, a U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) Ophthalmic Devices Advisory Panel unanimously voted 19-0 to recommend FDA approval, which is now pending.

TRICK OR TREET

TRICK OR TREET

Well, we had one knock with three little girls. So sweet they were and the teen handed them a dish of sweeties. Teen went to buy them earlier in the day, and asked what I would like to get for the children. He brought back a huge bag and “Yum, half of them were gone by five o clock? “Greedy Teen?” Oh, ok, greedy Mum too!

Poor lad, his friends asked him out, but he did not want to go, because he said he did not want to leave me in the house on my own, but he did not want to tell his mates that, so God knows what excuse he told them, I would normally tell him to go, but boys get up to no good on Halloween? Also he has his blooming fancy dress party to go to on Friday night and he won’t be back till after the pumpkin hour!

Hub leaving Baltimore now, going to L. A and staying overnight at a hotel near to the airport. He now is four hours behind me, tonight he will be eight hours and tomorrow all day he is in Sanfransisco so another time change. It will be a four hour flight and he will be there all day, and then back to L.A to take a taxi for an hour and a half to another hotel. There for three sleeps, then Sunday home, returning to the U.K Monday.

My friends from church are coming tomorrow night, to tweak the Nativity play with me.

I have just answered my Husbands work phone, as I do when he is away, and on the other end, was a man who is a Lord…..Good job am posh? Hahahahahaha. You just never know who is going to be on the other end?

When I told him Hub was in America, his response was one of real English Gentry,

“What, the hell, is he doing there?”

Hahaha. I just said my thoughts exactly!

Wow, this next thing,  absolutely blew my mind? In fact, I am still in shock about it.

Hub sent me a mail about the latest news on my eye condition and what was on the horizon for help? I told my Son and he was a little taken back?

He said “Oh Mum, don’t get me wrong, I’m happy for you an all, but, not sure if I personally am delighted.”

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, so calmly, I asked him why was he not happy about the thought that one day I may see something again?

He replied

“Oh, it will affect your marage, you will start to wear loads of make up?” “Hahahahahalololo! What is he telling me?

He continued to tell me how I would not be the same mum he knows? Oh my God, I really am in shock of what he thinks about me seeing? Sometimes I wonder if I am the only one in the world that wants to see again.

I tell you though; I’m off to Boots on Saturday? Hahahahaha. (To buy make up)

Xx

A BLOG FROM MY HUB

What does a hurricane sound like? As our screens fill with images of the total devastation caused by Sandy, I thought you might like to know something of how I perceived its power. As my colleague and I set out for our meeting on Monday morning, it seemed incredible to us that the meteorologists were warning of the perfect storm. Yes it was raining just a little and maybe the odd gust of wind made us think of a typically English weather day, but nothing to untoward seemed to be in the offing… As an aside, do you know it was the British Met office which first forecast the conditions which created Sandy, issuing a warning of its turn in to the US east coast 8 days before the storm struck. Our meeting finished early as the building was being closed. For those technically minded and with a visual impairment who are reading this, imagine my frustration, as this building houses everything and anything ever developed in the world of access technology and I had no time to play with it. As we exited the building, it was clear that the weather had dramatically changed in just 2 hours. Driving back, it sounded as though someone was randomly spraying the car with a powerful hose, or pelting it with fine sand, such was the gusty nature of the wind which seemed to hurl driving rain at us. Time to "hunker down" in the hotel old bean …but my colleague had other ideas and set off to find provisions in case the storm got much worse. Being a kind of frontier guy, he returned unperturbed, saying it seemed like a mildly wild day to him. I worked through the afternoon under a relatively sound-proof head set, enfolding me in to a world of email, spreadsheets, documents and web pages - I know how to live it up. Only when I lost internet connection did I surface to be surprised by what seemed to be a pin ball machine, but which was actually the wind hurling huge rain drops at the 2 sets of windows in my corner room. Oh, a corner room, I realised, subject to the changing elements that can often be found in a hurricane. Having established a connection again, I retreated to the headset. At about 5PM, I made the mistake of turning on the television to reports of dire disaster from frankinstorm. Now I am very sorry for all those reading this in the USA who are afflicted by US television, but the reporting of the storm was most strange. The cameras kept returning to a 40 tonne crane hanging over the streets of New York, a tiny microcosm of what was actually going on at the time, or focus on a reporter who was trying to explain things in the teeth of a gale so you could hear absolutely nothing. This still felt like a strong English storm to me, although the volume of rain, by now more than 7 inches, was frightening. But this changed at around 6PM, just as the storm neared land. We are used to gusty winds in the UK, sometimes close to 100 miles per hour, but, at this time, the wind changed to a constant pushing sensation which seemed to change the air pressure in my room. You couldn't so much hear it as feel it. I am a naturally stupid person, so I unlocked the window and opened it just an inch to experience what was going on. Thanks to my lovely wife's cooking, I am of substantive build, and it took all of that bulk to force the window closed again, such was the force of this constant blast of air with its smell of the sea, destruction and fear. In that brief moment, I experienced a sheet of water, not rain, forced against the window. So much entered the room that a hotel towel was needed. My ears could feel the pressure as the wind slowly switched around the corner of the hotel, and then back again, before turning through 90 degrees to push on the other corner window. I feared that the windows would be pushed out and would lose their battle with the wind which seemed to scream torture at the corner of the hotel. I later realised that the battle was lost on the 38th floor of the hotel as some windows were pushed in. One can only imagine the forces experienced by buildings often more than 1000 feet high where wind speeds at such elevations are as much as 30% more than at ground level. 2 hours later, the usual gusty motion of a storm returned. I was miles from land fall and can only imagine the fear and inevitability felt by so many people who have now lost so much in what will be one of the most costly natural disasters ever to hit the USA.

OCTOBER HORROR

October horror

After being at a so called sighted school for two years, it was my time to be sent away to boarding school.

I was six and knew nothing of the words boarding school. It was not explained to me where I was going or why, but now I know that way back in the mid-seventies, children with disabilities, were not welcome in comprehensive schools and had to go to so called “Special schools!”

A red suitcase was packed  with my clothes and my Mum told me nothing other than I was going to a new school. A Grammar school, like my big brother. I was proud, as in those days, my Brother was my hero and he was so intelligent, he went to a Grammar school and I was to go to one too?

My Nana  came to the house and she looked  as though she were going to a funeral. I wondered why she was at our house at night time. The house had a eerie feeling. The old coal fire roared in the living room and the cosy warmth of the home felt so nice, an yet there was something in the air I just was not sure about.

My Mum told my Dad it was time to go? “Go where?” I asked, as we never went out at night time. My Mum began to cry, left the room and my Dad had that awful voice on where he has a lump stuck in his throat. I knew that voice, as heard it when I went to Russia and Lourdes without him. My Dad could not find his car keys and my Mum told him putting off the inevitable was not going to do any good.

My brother tried to lighten the atmosphere, which was becoming so thick with pain.

Mum, Dad Brother and my nana, all went with me out into the chimney fragranced street. Into my Dads car and my red case was to follow in the hands of my neighbour, who came to say goodbye. She was even crying? Oh it was dreadful.

We drove for about half an hour and entered a huge  iron gate, trees formed fingers of fear under the moonlight

It was  a cobalt sky, so I found it hard to see. A huge Victorian building met us with no lights on at all. I learned later on in life, that the evil Head, told my Mum that it would be better to bring me at night when everyone was in bed? Why? I will never know. A door opened and a man stood with only tiny lights on in the background. He had silver glasses on and a face that you could not trust.  He had a smell about him too, like the smell of a Doctor, who is going to harm.

We followed him down the narrow corridor and down and up steps. Along the spooky landing, with dull lights on and paper thin carpets covering the creaky floorboards.

Whispers told my Mum to get me ready for bed, it was only then, that I knew that I was to stay at my Grammar school?

I could not understand it as my brother didn’t? There were no lights put on, we only had the landing lights and the moonlight, which threw a silver glow into the room,  via the fire escape window.

My Mum told me I would not be on my own, as there were lots of little girls in my dormitory. “Dormitory? What was a dormitory?” My Mum could not answer as she was sobbing. She kissed me as the Head told her to leave immediately. My brother cheerfully said goodbye and my Dad hugged me like he was to never see me again. “When would I see them again? I really did not know at that point and I was ready to cry, to scream to grab onto them and never let go. I desperately did not want to be at that place.

As echoes left me of my Mums tears and Dads voice trying to console her, I thought of my Nana, who was too upset to come into the school and my poor parents. What child wants to see their parents cry?

 It was freezing cold and all I had to keep me warm, was a starched sheet and scratchy blanket.

I could hear children snoring and breathing as well as the monster fingers of the old trees tapping on the windows.

“Where was I. What was to happen to me? When would I see my family again?

 

HOPES AND DREAMS

My dreams in life are as follows

For my Son to have a happy safe successful life

For my hub to find a job so he can work in the Uk only

A cure for all blind people and cancer

For the world to become vegetarians and care for animals

For there to be no bad people in the world and for us to learn that we have a beautiful world to live in and stop killing it, and each other.

A safe healthy cure for eating fat, hahaha

For Jeremy Clarkson to drive off the planet

For no children to be unhappy or unloved

And for every person in the world, to have hope and for hope to come to everyone.

Is this really too much to ask? My own personal dream is for one day to write books for a living. My friend / American Mum is trying  to get me to write a children’s book and I can as I wrote loads of stories some years ago, but need to be in the mood to do so. I would love to feel like I have achieved something before I die.

I sit in this dam house day in day out and just want to break out now. I have something that has come alive in me over the past two weeks that I have never had before and I don’t understand it? I want to get out there and face the big bad world that I have been so afraid of for years. If only I could see I would not be afraid. How I would love to come back in my after life as a white stallion, hahahaha. To run free of chains and feel the wind in my face.

Though do you think horse’s eyes look sad though? How do we know when a horse is happy? A cat purrs, a dog wags its tail, what does a horse do?

It is through the night. So silent outside.  I have just had to go out to tie  up my wind chimes, as I can’t have them going on like that through the night? Well I did not find the elastic band that I kept deliberatly for to keep the chimes together, so I used the next best thing. . . A doggy poo bag! “Looks lovely!” Must remember to untie tomorrow/later on.

My Husband phoned from Baltimore. He is ok, but last night he got a little afraid. He said he has never heard anything like it. It sounded like the windows were going to get sucked out of the frames. The air changed in the hotel room and made his ears go funny. He could not go to dinner as he was sixteen floors up and was afraid he would get stuck in the lift, as a power cut was predicted with Hurricane Sandy. Most of the staff of the hotel had gone home earlier in the day  and the few that were left, spent the night in the hotel. Hubs colleague, who is a real life boy scout, came to his room at about ten in the evening, remembering Hub would not have eaten, he had earlier gone out to the 9/11 emergency shop to buy snacks and brought them up to Hubs room from two floors below, he just walked the stairs. They had a good night, though when Hubs colleague/friend went back to his room, Hub felt a little insecure to  say the least. If something awful happened, like a fire,  he would have been really afraid, as of course Long chops his guide dog is with Mummy.

The night after the storm, yesterday, he went for a walk about, as no one could get to attend the meeting. He went with his colleague and nowhere was open. Hub said that there were sand bags everywhere and all the houses were taped up with a thick tape around the doors and windows. All the shops etc. were all closed. So many have died in the U.S and the Caribbean with Sandy, it’s just so sad and the poor animals? Oh that is so awful. I hope my Husband will write a blog for you as he puts everything so grammatically perfect, I do have the odd brain storm whereby I write as though writing an essay,  but most of the time, I write franticly and don’t even think what I am writing. Ok, I know, it’s obvious? Hahaha.

Oh over the next few days, Hub has a nightmare of a time.  He has a meeting this morning, after lunch he has to take a taxi to the airport. Get a flight to his next destination in the U.S. he will then be about eight hours behind us here, so communication will become worse. After a four hour flight, he will stay in a hotel close by to the airport, as the next morning,  early, he flies to Sanfransisco, for a meeting which will last all day. He will be looking at new equipment for his company and then hopefully blind people will benefit  his findings. Late at night, he flies back from Sanfransisco to another hotel and stays there for three days, but after he gets off the aeroplane, he will have to take a taxi to his new hotel which is one and a half hours from the airport. Then lots of conferences and dinners  whereby he gets asked loads of questions. He will be on his own for the next six days of his trip. Then home with me for four days, then off to Thailand for two weeks.

He has a free night on Saturday evening and he is meeting with our borrowed parents from the states friends. He is a business man, and she is an artist. They will go out to dinner and my Hub is looking forward to meeting with them. What a  different life he has from me?  Sometimes I wonder what he ever sees in me, I am so boring! I would love to go to some of the places with him, though I would be stuck in a room all day, the hotel bedroom and would only see Hub after six at night, but would be better than not for two weeks?

It’s adult conversation I miss. I can be serving the tea and turn to talk about something adult like, and my teen will be stood there. Though teen is very clever and incredibly grown up, he has not got the years to be of interest.

Well I guess I should go to bed? Might have a cup of tea first? Where ever you are my friends, take care of yourselves? One of my next blogs will be about the first time I went to boarding school. With love, Fi x

A FUN BLOG

Just listened to a brilliant CD by “Mumford & Sons. CD is called Babel. Hub bought it for me by mistake. Amazon when I was getting Fun’s CD, he clicked a button which also added Mumford and he could not be bothered to remove it and how glad am I he left it in the basket? I have never heard of anything by this group before and it is great..? Everyone else, it depends on taste. I have taste from folk, to rock to ballads to pop to wrap. Some classical thrown in for diversity too! Lots of guitars feature in this group and a fab singer, a little rough around the edges, kind of gravelly. Real foot stamping music. Love it.  

My American borrowed Dad sent me this story today and it is great.

In a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a woman who was waiting for a bus was wearing a tight leather skirt. As the bus
stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height
of the first step of the bus.
Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver,
she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that
this would give her enough slack to raise her leg.
Again, she tried to make the step only to
discover she still couldn't.
So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind
her to unzip her skirt a little more.
For the second time,
attempted the step, and, once again,
much to her chagrin, she
could not raise her leg.
With a little smile to the driver, she
again reached behind to unzip
a little more and again was unable to
make the step.
About this time, a large Texan who was
standing behind her
picked her up easily by the waist and
placed her gently on the
step of the bus.
She went ballistic and turned to the would be Samaritan and screeched, "How dare you touch my body!
I don't even know who you are!'
The Texan smiled and drawled,
"Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we was friends."

STUCK IN THE U.S

Stuck in the U.S

Well last night as hurricane Sandy hit the poor U.S, my heart in my mouth, I waited with bated breath for news of my Husband, who is there on business. Communications were slim and after trying all day to contact him by email and mobile, he called me. To hear his voice left me with a feeling of gratitude and relief. He was safe in his hotel, way up on the 16^th floor. He could not get out of his room as he was in fear that the lifts would become disabled in the electric power cut. That was predicted.

Most of the staff had gone home earlier in the day as the rest of them stayed overnight in the hotel.

So until ten last night, he had no food from lunch time, then bless one of his colleagues and friends, came to his rescue from two floors below with snacks. Knowing the lovely man who was the hero of the night, I am sure he would think of it like a Boy Scout adventure, as he is a fun out door guy, who is always looking for the next challenge in life.

Sadly that friend will try to return to his family today, if flights will allow. Leaving my Hub to travel tomorrow to his next stage of the U.S on his own again.

I have another six days to stay in this state of worry. My teen said today it is telling on my face now the stress. Sitting nearby a phone at all times, in fear of missing a call to say  Hub is safe.

Few, really what a life?

Well I must go now, my teen has a sighted job to do for me, write a cheque for our monthly taxi bill, that my Hub uses for work.

I am not sure how much more of Teens music I can stand in this half term holiday? Must also get a tablet or three as my eyes are killing today, but my spirit is high and I am blessed with some beautiful friends and the knowledge that my Hub is safe, as is my teen and that was a close one yesterday, he almost got knocked over on one of our busy roads. Two foot of disaster, but we all survive another chance thank God. Laters my friends. With love x

THE IRON CURTAIN

 

The iron curtain

After some time of my parents hunting the world for a cure for my inevitable blindness, they found a reverlucionary treatment in the USSR.

It took two long hard years to acquire a visa, as no one in those days visited the U.S.S.R for any form of treatment.

How my parents discovered the treatment, is a story on its own. I wish one day to let you know the full story of my life in an autobiography, and I hope my dream comes true, but in the meanwhile I would like to talk to you about the first time I visited Russia.

It was  back in 1975. January the 5^th to be precise. I knew nothing of Russia as I was a six year old girl. All that I was aware of, was my parents were worried sick about how they would afford the trip and my Mum spent months crying, because every bank she went to refused to loan her any more money, after she was so much in the red already with previous trips she had tried and failed to meet with help for my eyes.

My new coat was handed to me as a kind of ceremonial ritual. It was white with a thin red piping and fir around the hood and edges. It was to be as cold as cold could be.

The mayhem of the media was gathering outside our house and as I left the house, in our small village of stone colliery houses, the press charged at us like lunatic’s. The sounds of clicks from the huge cameras and the bright lights blistered my eyes, as equipment was thrusted in my face as questions were shouted to us, like

“Fiona, are you afraid? Mrs Cummings, do you know what to expect? Why don’t you let your daughter go blind Mrs Cummings?

It was awful. On our arrival at the airport, it got worse. There were over a hundred members of the press there. The police escorted me past all of the queues and media. My poor Mum was pushed and pulled in every direction. Suffocated in hungry greedy men, needing their story for the day.

I went up the steps of the plane, saddened by the reaction from my darling Dad, whom I worshiped. He was so sad we were leaving. So with the worlds press holding onto my picture and my Mum holding onto my hand, I began my trip to the iron curtain. This in itself haunted me as how would we fly through the iron curtain? I was six?

On our arrival to Moscow, we were asked to leave the aeroplane first. As the flight doors opened, the gust of air blew me back into my Mums body. I could not breath, the shock was too much. It was so unnatural for me to survive in such conditions I thought?

I learned years later, that it was minus 27. Never had I known such temperatures. The air was dry and it grabbed my throat and punched our hearts.

At the bottom of the aeroplane steps, stood two young angry looking soldiers with pointed guns. Pointing in our direction. My Mum expressed her discussed as they were aimed at us. I thought she was going to be shot. It was dreadful.

The smell of the air was like nothing I have experienced before. The smell of fear was to come.

I am cutting this very long story as short as I can for this blog, but I was stolen from my mum. The echoes of her voice shouting for me as I looked back at her being restrained by a man from the British Embassy.

I was taken into a dark cellar. With only gas lights on the walls. Cats circled my ankles as I was lead into a huge pitch black room, where by I was given electric shock treatment, streight into the eyes. Oh the pain of thinking about the seven weeks that was to follow is excruciating.

I did not see my Mum in that time, no one spoke English to me and I was given 172 injections of pure pain, as the cerum was new and was also known to be a painful one.

Rusty needles were administrated and I was force fed the most revolting food of sloppy potato and oats.

So much went on over that seven weeks and what was to follow in my life in the USSR, is to me looking back at it, incredulous, an yet my closest friends are Russians and I have huge respect for the Russian people, as they under suffering and threats, showed me their hearts.

I had dealings with the Russian mafia and KGB. So much pain I went through over the many years I went there for eye treatment. Threats that I would be killed and the sickness of fear filled my childhood.

Russia was a country of mystery. Like no other I have ever been to, but a country where by I felt so safe, though watched by authorities and the underworld at all times.   

 

A BLOG FROM MY HUSBAND

A blog from my Hub

As I sit here writing this at just after 2 PM my time, Sandy is starting to batter Baltimore with increasing rain fall and noticeable winds. The eye of the storm is some 300 miles off Philadelphia and it seems to be turning faster toward the coast, speeding up as it comes. There is now some suggestion that Baltimore is rather more in its path than first thought.

I managed a few hours of important meetings this morning, but now the streets are empty with an advisory not to travel, an advisory which I expect will be compulsorily before long. Only the foolish would venture out in driving rain and wind which is now averaging over 30 miles per hour. It's amazing to think that the eye is at least 10 hours away, maybe longer. The scale of the storm is incredible.

I am 16 floors up in my hotel, sealed in, where I will be staying. I expect we will lose power at some point, and that the rain will continue for at least 24 hours due to this slow moving storm. It seems incredible that some places are also expected to get 60 inches of snow.

So, I do hope someone has some good idea of why the replica of the Bounty was out on the high seas today! Crew had to be rescued from the water and I believe 2 are still missing. I have no clue as to why a sailing ship would try to brave this kind of weather.

Thank you for all of your concern. I will stay safe and warm with my phones charged!

"God love him."
 

 

EARTH ANGELS. BETTER TO SEE

Earth angels

 

As you may know, I believe in angels? I also believe in earth angels and I have met a couple of them over the past few days? I have just connected with two beautiful people who make me feel alive and want to smile. I am so grateful to them and will never know how to thank them for all they do, are say and think, as they are really clever. My U.s parents, who I borrow, are also my earth angels. This got me thinking? What makes a good person and what makes people, connect?

Is it chemistry?

 

I think of connections like instruments. I sing and play the harp, for egzample, Ha-ha, Ok, I play hell, but that is not an instrument so does not sound as poetic. My Husband plays piano and teen plays guitar. We can all sit in a room and have a session. If we play the same music, we will sound so good. Then there are people who like other kinds of music and are quite opposed to our music and to the listener, we would all perform together our own kinds of music and sound dreadful, but in the audience, there would be someone who would play the drums to our rhythms and we would need them in our music group to keep us all in time together.  Sometimes we can clash and other times we make sweet music, when we do that, it is a connection.

It’s all about give and take and wanting to do for others what we would want doing to ourselves. We know when we have met an earth angel by the feeling they give you when we are together. If someone is telling us about their children’s school report and it is glowing and you are so sick of hearing about it, think how you will feel when you are proud of something? You will want to tell people, it is a natural motion to do so.  

There is such a strong compulsion to make our own opinion known, that even the most courteous among us will often practically ignore what the person says, or even interrupt them. But if we just take time out to really listen to the other person’s story, whether it bores you, look interested in what they have to say, for seventy seconds of your day, will it be hard for you to stop your thoughts and hear someone else? By doing this, what a difference you can make to other. Give time and your time will come!

You know what it is like, when you are the giver, no one is ever there for you? Well I am not saying give give give; you must associate with those who take too! Take what you have to say and take a knife to it and half it to share. You know when someone is listening to you?  It’s awful when you say something important and you know after your speech they have answered in a manner that is just not appropriate with your previous remark. Well those who do that regard them as acquaintances. Those who listen and wait for you to finish then respond with an answer you can connect with, keep those as you friends, but remember to give them the time too? People who come into your life and just talk about them and never listen to you can be so tiring? I have a friend like that and to be honest, I listen to her to help her as she needs to sound off at someone, but when she leaves I am exhausted. I have learned now I don’t need her, she needs me. I am there for her I would never not be but I have now friends who are there for me and me for them.  They are my friends for life, they are the friends I have connected with.

The day my Husband walked into my life, was the day I learned of earth angels and there is nothing wrong with having more than one earth angel, as you can be an earth  angel to many!

  What is an earth angel? Someone who makes you feel alive, someone who listens to you, someone who interests you, someone who makes you smile but you both can cry in front of each other too. Someone who you want to share with. Someone who you know will be there and you will not mind being there for them. Someone you make time to think about from time to time. Someone who enters your heart and leaves you feeling a buzz of electric. May be years ago in  another life, you were joined in some way?

We don’t really know the answer do we but we all have earth angels as well as spiritual ones. Thank you to mine, and I love you all.

 

 

 

A NAKED DREAM. EASIER TO SEE

A NAKED DREAM

Ok, this is not one for the fainthearted. I went to bed as the dawn was breaking, as you do when you’re a night nurse. Ok, as I do as a domestic Goddess! or a Domestos Gusset? I had a great night of writing and chatting. My writing is a compulsive addiction. A drug that I am hooked on as is talking to my friends in the form of Facebook.

I must have been a sleep for half an hour and I had one of my night terrors. Oh it is awful. Since I have been married to my Hub, I have only had three. My last marriage, I had about five per week. They are dreadful. I feel something leaning over me and if not in human form, an animal. Last night was a cat. Never is it a dog. The one animal I am relaxed with.

I screamed as loud as this furry thing launched itself on top of me. I jumped out of bed and as ever, the thing did not move off me. I feel the warmth of its body and the texture of it. Knowing my Hub was not there, I ran into the teen’s room, screaming, naked. All I heard was

“Oh my God Mother, please cover yourself up?”

Hahahahaha. I guess he had nightmares after that?

Well it is day one, of his long five day holiday from school. God help me, he is driving me mad already. I just wish he would do some study as he has GCSE’s and after just getting his half term report, I  am very impressed but he is getting B’s and some C’s. He could be a A * Student, but is so blooming lazy? He is getting B’s and C’s without trying, so imagine what he would do if he studied? He has an illness called “Lazy it is.

  I went to the shop today to buy milk and butter. I know how to live it up. I was so tempted to buy chocolate and crisps, but declined. How good was that? Oh this will make you laugh though?

So I go into the shop, I stand till someone kindly asks if they can help. It was a nice man who showed me around and told me the kind of milk and types of butters.  He then unpacked my basket bless him and even packed them for me as I paid the lady. Then he told me my guide dog was pretty and so well behaved and asked me in the same breath, if I wanted him to walk me to my car? I laughed and he cringed as realisation kicked in. As I left the shop, I heard him talking to the girl behind the till, saying,

“Oh my God, I can not believe I said that?” 

Hahahahaha. I should have said, oh, its ok, my guide dog will show me?

It’s so nice here where I live, it has a real country feel as I walk along the roadside. My teen had swept the leaves for me on our return.

I am a little anxious about Hub as he is in America and they are having hurricanes and floods. All flights are cancelled for a few days and there is  a large concern over there as my American Mum rang to tell me. Well Hub is due to  fly to another part of the U.S on Wednesday, and half of his colleagues are unable to attend the meetings, so I just don’t know what will happen? All I know is, I can not contact him. I have emailed him, text both mobiles and tried to skype him, nothing back. So will just wait. That is all I can do. I often wish he worked at a much lesser title and in an everyday job, but no.

Will talk later my friends. My next blog will be about the first time I went to Russia for eye treatment.

With love. X

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IN THE LAB AT THE BBC

I listened to a play this afternoon on BBC radio 4. It was Frankenstein. Victor begins by telling of his childhood. Born into a wealthy family in Geneva,, he is encouraged to seek a greater understanding of the world around him through science. He grows up in a safe environment, surrounded by loving family and friends. When he is around 4 years old, his parents adopt Elizabeth Lavenza, an orphan whose mother has just died (she is Victor's biological cousin in the first edition, but an adopted child with no blood relation in the 1831 edition). Victor has a possessive infatuation with Elizabeth. He has two younger brothers: Ernest and William.

As a young boy, Victor is obsessed with studying outdated theories of science that focus on achieving natural wonders. He plans to attend University in Germany. Weeks before his planned departure, his Mother dies of Scarlet fever.. At university, he excels at chemistry and other sciences, and develops a secret technique to imbue inanimate bodies with life.

The details of the monster's construction are left ambiguous, but Frankenstein finds himself forced to make the creature roughly eight feet tall because of the difficulty in replicating the minute parts of the human body. His creation, which he has hoped would be beautiful, is instead hideous, with dull yellow eyes, and a withered, translucent, yellowish skin that barely conceals the muscular system and blood vessels. After bringing his creation to life, Victor is repulsed by his work: he flees the room, and the monster disappears.

Victor becomes ill from the experience. He is nursed back to health by his childhood friend, Henry Clerval. After a four month recovery, he determines that he should return home when his brother William is found murdered. Upon arriving in Geneva, he sees the monster near the site of the murder, and becomes certain it is the killer. William's nanny, Justine, is hanged for the murder based on the discovery of William's locket in her pocket. Victor, though certain the monster is responsible, doubts anyone would believe him, and does not intervene.

Ravaged by his grief and self-reproach, Victor retreats into the mountains to find peace. The monster approaches him, ignoring his threats and pleading with Victor to hear its tale. Intelligent and articulate, it tells Victor of its encounters with people, and how it had become afraid of them and spent a year living near a cottage, observing the DeLacey family living there and growing fond of them. Through observing the De Lacey family, the monster became educated and self-aware. It also discovered a lost satchel of books and learned to read. Seeing its reflection in a pool, it realized that its physical appearance is hideous compared to the humans it watches. Though it eventually approached the family with hope of becoming their fellow, they were frightened by its appearance and drove it off, and then left the residence permanently. The creature, in a fit of rage, burned the cottage and left.

In its travels some time later, the monster saw a young girl tumble into a stream and rescued her from drowning. A man, seeing it with the child in its arms, pursued it and fired a gun, wounding it. Traveling to Geneva, it met a little boy — Victor's Brother William  in the woodsThe monster hoped the boy was too young to feardeformity,, but upon its approach, William cried out, threatening the monster with the weight of his family  the Frankenstein’s. The creature grabbed the boy by the throat to silence him, and strangled him. It is unclear from the text whether this was an accident on the monster's part or a deliberate murder, but in either case, the monster took this as its first act of vengeance against its creator. It removed a locket from the boy's body and placed it in the folds of the dress of a young woman — William's nanny, Justine — who had been sleeping in a barn nearby, assuming she would be accused of the murder.

The monster concludes its story with a demand that Frankenstein create for it a female companion like itself. It argues that as a living thing, it has a right to happiness and that Victor, as its creator, has a duty to obey it, with the chilling words, "You are my creator, but I am your master. Obey!" It promises that if Victor grants its request, it and its mate will vanish into the wilderness of South America, uninhabited by man, never to reappear.

Fearing for his family, Victor reluctantly agrees and travels to England to do his work. He is accompanied by Clerval, but they separate in Scotland. Through their travels, Victor suspects that the monster is following him. Working on a second being on the Scottish Islands, he is plagued by premonitions of what his work might wreak, particularly as creating a mate for the creature might lead to the breeding of an entire race of monsters that could plague mankind. He destroys the unfinished example after he sees the monster looking through the window. The monster witnesses this and, confronting Victor, vows to be with Victor on his upcoming wedding night. The monster murders Clerval and leaves the corpse on an Irish beach, where Victor lands upon leaving the island. Victor is imprisoned for the murder of Clerval, and becomes seriously ill, suffering another mental breakdown in prison. After being acquitted, and with his health renewed, he returns home with his father.

Once home, Victor marries his cousin Elizabeth and prepares for a fight to the death with the monster. Wrongly believing the monster's vowed revenge was for his own life, he asks Elizabeth to retire to her room for the night while he goes looking for the fiend. He searches the house and grounds, but the creature murders the secluded Elizabeth instead. Victor sees the monster at the window pointing at the corpse. Grief-stricken by the deaths of William, Justine, Clerval, and now Elizabeth, Victor's father dies. Victor vows to pursue the monster until one of them annihilates the other. After months of pursuit, the two end up in the Arctic Circle, near the North Pole.

It is said that Victor dies and the monster is seen grieving over his body and then kills himself.

The author of Frankenstein, is the acclaimed writer Mary Shelley. She wrote the story after an awakening dream, whilst on holiday with her Husband Percy Shelley.

She wondered how it would be if the Enlightened idea that society could progress and grow if political leaders used their powers responsibly; however, she also believed the Romantic ideal that misused power could destroy society and who would believe all those years ago, in the 18^th century, she would be proven right as it is possible now to grow an arm or a finger from the lab? A scary thought, which leaves me pondering on the idea of the future. To make a perfect person. Who will have the ingredience of a perfect person? Who’s decision will that be? Your idea of a perfect person, is not mine and mine is not yours. To look at, my teen is perfect, as is my Husband. Teen six foot, blond blue eyes and I am told he is very handsome. Hub, under six foot, hunky and very dark, with chocolate eyes and really delicious. That is looks. What about attitude? Personality? Brain capability? Fitness and strength, or is it not important to be strong?  After all, the monster, was strong, was that a good thing? To be able to walk, see, hear and have no ailments is a form of perfection? Or is it? Those who have suffered for what ever reason, are often nicer people as they have had hardship so leaving them with a sense of empathy towards others.

I have watched the film through gritted teeth and closed ears, really did not like it, but so loved the drama. You the listener is left feeling rather sorry for Frankenstein!

You know two hundred years ago, how advanced was the aurthor?

 It took two centuries, to get to where we are now, being able to do what Shelley’s futuristic mind set wrote about.  with advancement’s in science. What will our writers and people with imagination think up for our future? A daunting prospect!

IN THE LAB AT THE BBC

I listened to a play this afternoon on BBC radio 4. It was Frankenstein. Victor begins by telling of his childhood. Born into a wealthy family in Geneva,, he is encouraged to seek a greater understanding of the world around him through science. He grows up in a safe environment, surrounded by loving family and friends. When he is around 4 years old, his parents adopt Elizabeth Lavenza, an orphan whose mother has just died (she is Victor's biological cousin in the first edition, but an adopted child with no blood relation in the 1831 edition). Victor has a possessive infatuation with Elizabeth. He has two younger brothers: Ernest and William.

As a young boy, Victor is obsessed with studying outdated theories of science that focus on achieving natural wonders. He plans to attend University in Germany. Weeks before his planned departure, his Mother dies of Scarlet fever.. At university, he excels at chemistry and other sciences, and develops a secret technique to imbue inanimate bodies with life.

The details of the monster's construction are left ambiguous, but Frankenstein finds himself forced to make the creature roughly eight feet tall because of the difficulty in replicating the minute parts of the human body. His creation, which he has hoped would be beautiful, is instead hideous, with dull yellow eyes, and a withered, translucent, yellowish skin that barely conceals the muscular system and blood vessels. After bringing his creation to life, Victor is repulsed by his work: he flees the room, and the monster disappears.

Victor becomes ill from the experience. He is nursed back to health by his childhood friend, Henry Clerval. After a four month recovery, he determines that he should return home when his brother William is found murdered. Upon arriving in Geneva, he sees the monster near the site of the murder, and becomes certain it is the killer. William's nanny, Justine, is hanged for the murder based on the discovery of William's locket in her pocket. Victor, though certain the monster is responsible, doubts anyone would believe him, and does not intervene.

Ravaged by his grief and self-reproach, Victor retreats into the mountains to find peace. The monster approaches him, ignoring his threats and pleading with Victor to hear its tale. Intelligent and articulate, it tells Victor of its encounters with people, and how it had become afraid of them and spent a year living near a cottage, observing the DeLacey family living there and growing fond of them. Through observing the De Lacey family, the monster became educated and self-aware. It also discovered a lost satchel of books and learned to read. Seeing its reflection in a pool, it realized that its physical appearance is hideous compared to the humans it watches. Though it eventually approached the family with hope of becoming their fellow, they were frightened by its appearance and drove it off, and then left the residence permanently. The creature, in a fit of rage, burned the cottage and left.

In its travels some time later, the monster saw a young girl tumble into a stream and rescued her from drowning. A man, seeing it with the child in its arms, pursued it and fired a gun, wounding it. Traveling to Geneva, it met a little boy — Victor's Brother William  in the woodsThe monster hoped the boy was too young to feardeformity,, but upon its approach, William cried out, threatening the monster with the weight of his family  the Frankenstein’s. The creature grabbed the boy by the throat to silence him, and strangled him. It is unclear from the text whether this was an accident on the monster's part or a deliberate murder, but in either case, the monster took this as its first act of vengeance against its creator. It removed a locket from the boy's body and placed it in the folds of the dress of a young woman — William's nanny, Justine — who had been sleeping in a barn nearby, assuming she would be accused of the murder.

The monster concludes its story with a demand that Frankenstein create for it a female companion like itself. It argues that as a living thing, it has a right to happiness and that Victor, as its creator, has a duty to obey it, with the chilling words, "You are my creator, but I am your master. Obey!" It promises that if Victor grants its request, it and its mate will vanish into the wilderness of South America, uninhabited by man, never to reappear.

Fearing for his family, Victor reluctantly agrees and travels to England to do his work. He is accompanied by Clerval, but they separate in Scotland. Through their travels, Victor suspects that the monster is following him. Working on a second being on the Scottish Islands, he is plagued by premonitions of what his work might wreak, particularly as creating a mate for the creature might lead to the breeding of an entire race of monsters that could plague mankind. He destroys the unfinished example after he sees the monster looking through the window. The monster witnesses this and, confronting Victor, vows to be with Victor on his upcoming wedding night. The monster murders Clerval and leaves the corpse on an Irish beach, where Victor lands upon leaving the island. Victor is imprisoned for the murder of Clerval, and becomes seriously ill, suffering another mental breakdown in prison. After being acquitted, and with his health renewed, he returns home with his father.

Once home, Victor marries his cousin Elizabeth and prepares for a fight to the death with the monster. Wrongly believing the monster's vowed revenge was for his own life, he asks Elizabeth to retire to her room for the night while he goes looking for the fiend. He searches the house and grounds, but the creature murders the secluded Elizabeth instead. Victor sees the monster at the window pointing at the corpse. Grief-stricken by the deaths of William, Justine, Clerval, and now Elizabeth, Victor's father dies. Victor vows to pursue the monster until one of them annihilates the other. After months of pursuit, the two end up in the Arctic Circle, near the North Pole.

It is said that Victor dies and the monster is seen grieving over his body and then kills himself.

The author of Frankenstein, is the acclaimed writer Mary Shelley. She wrote the story after an awakening dream, whilst on holiday with her Husband Percy Shelley.

She wondered how it would be if the Enlightened idea that society could progress and grow if political leaders used their powers responsibly; however, she also believed the Romantic ideal that misused power could destroy society and who would believe all those years ago, in the 18^th century, she would be proven right as it is possible now to grow an arm or a finger from the lab? A scary thought, which leaves me pondering on the idea of the future. To make a perfect person. Who will have the ingredience of a perfect person? Who’s decision will that be? Your idea of a perfect person, is not mine and mine is not yours. To look at, my teen is perfect, as is my Husband. Teen six foot, blond blue eyes and I am told he is very handsome. Hub, under six foot, hunky and very dark, with chocolate eyes and really delicious. That is looks. What about attitude? Personality? Brain capability? Fitness and strength, or is it not important to be strong?  After all, the monster, was strong, was that a good thing? To be able to walk, see, hear and have no ailments is a form of perfection? Or is it? Those who have suffered for what ever reason, are often nicer people as they have had hardship so leaving them with a sense of empathy towards others.

I have watched the film through gritted teeth and closed ears, really did not like it, but so loved the drama. You the listener is left feeling rather sorry for Frankenstein!

You know two hundred years ago, how advanced was the aurthor?

 It took two centuries, to get to where we are now, being able to do what Shelley’s futuristic mind set wrote about.  with advancement’s in science. What will our writers and people with imagination think up for our future? A daunting prospect!

SUNDAY DIARY

Sunday diary

My teen arrived home last night just before the pumpkin hour. He had a great night after I told him off for not having his phone on? There was food at this party and eighteen year old girls. His friend from school was allowed to invite two of his mates and teen was one of them. The parents were there. The police were called, but only because it was after nine and the neighbours complained. All was Ok?

Let’s just hope in ten months, there is no formula milk required?

He keeps telling me he does not want to be a Dad till he is 35, so fingers and legs crossed!

I spoke with my lovely friend on FB till after five this morning…

It was lovely and cosy, I could hear the snow falling and the house was toasty warm.

The teen was up singing at twenty past ten, so I got up. Did some housework and made dinner.

Going to watch a double of x factor soon. I did not go to church today. I was so tired after my all night party…

Thought about all of my friends there though and will be there next week.

Hope you all remembered to put your clocks back?

Dark tea times bloggets? I love the cosy nights before Christmas.

My Hub flies from Canada to Baltimore today, I pray he will be ok in that dreadful weather they are having? He is in three places in the U.S over the next week.

Because of the time difference, we hardly get chance to talk to each other. It’s like having a husband in the army. No one is shooting him or trying to kill him in such a despicable manner, but the away time is rather challenging.

He will get back after two weeks and then off to Thailand for a fortnight, so just enough time to wash his clothes and kiss me goodbye again.

I think this week I will be getting a letter that I am not going to like? So I want this week to fly please? I am having bother with the awful X! You know when friends fall out, they are ok, they move on, but when married couples are not going to last in our life of change, so much hatred is aroused?

At my age, I still am punished for my mistake I made when seventeen? A child so young, so hurt and so naive to the crime of marriage.

Take care my friends? Laters

BLISS By Fiona Cummings

BLISS

By Fiona Cummings

A palm tree gently blows in the wind, making that swishing sound

Steel drums can be heard in the background

The turquoise ocean ripples under the red sunset

Salted fairy tales tell how lovers met

A lizard snoozes on a nearby rock

The tropical birds flock

  I love the amazing different smells

The shape of the beautiful coloured shells

The spices mingle

 And gold sand blends in to meet with the shingles

Traders set up their makeshift stalls

Boasting carvings and stunning silk shawls

Ladies approach you to bead your hair

But this early in the day, you need not know they will be there

The world is miles away

The night turns into day

And there is a forever feeling

A calming heeling

Escapism

A place of well being

I love the Caribbean

BLISS By Fiona Cummings

BLISS

By Fiona Cummings

A palm tree gently blows in the wind, making that swishing sound

Steel drums can be heard in the background

The turquoise ocean ripples under the red sunset

Salted fairy tales tell how lovers met

A lizard snoozes on a nearby rock

The tropical birds flock

  I love the amazing different smells

The shape of the beautiful coloured shells

The spices mingle

 And gold sand blends in to meet with the shingles

Traders set up their makeshift stalls

Boasting carvings and stunning silk shawls

Ladies approach you to bead your hair

But this early in the day, you need not know they will be there

The world is miles away

The night turns into day

And there is a forever feeling

A calming heeling

Escapism

A place of well being

I love the Caribbean