My world changed the day I woke up blind. A month later, my
comfort blanket was removed, when my Dad died.
Five months after
then, I just fell apart, when my Mum died. I had to live for my one year old
baby. Now my teen.
The first time as a
blind person, I put on the television to watch my favourite program, having to
turn it off as it was the days before audio description and a show you needed
to see to appreciate.
It broke my heart, the first time around Father’s
day, without my Dad, his birthday my Mum’s birthday, their anniversary and
Christmas. My sons first day at nursery
I wanted to pick up the phone and tell her. I wanted to ask
her advice so many times in life. People wonder does the pain get better? In my
experience, not better, just easier.
Today has been the 15th year since my darling Dad
died. Fifteen years? I have gone from the days when I dreaded his anniversary a
week before the date, to the day of the anniversary to now, where it was six
tonight, when I realised my life changed so much, fifteen years ago.
A hug from my Husband would be nice, but of course, he’s not
here.
I so much want to
have Sunday lunch with my parents again. To tell them how much I love them. I
think this is why when my Teen is being his cruel self; I hurt so much, as if only
he knew, how much it hurts when your parents leave your life?
With me being adopted, I have lost four sets of parents and
of course my Mother in Law a couple of years ago? I prayed for her to stay
alive so much, but my prayers were not answered again.
I guess I was being selfish asking for her to stay, as she
was not happy in her life.
I wanted her for selfish reasons. To be there for me to
love.
A friend of mine is looking after her neighbour who has
signs of Alzheimer’s disease. Oh to hear such stories, is so painful. This poor
lady, who was a strong person, now is living in a very confused world. She has
hours where she feels fine and can talk well, as though there is nothing wrong
with her? Then she does not know where she is.
Today she was talking to my friend again, about the vivid
dreams she has. My friend said, she tries to make her realise, they were
nightmares, not real? The lady struggles with what is real and what is either in
her head, or mind game.
It is a very evil condition, not only for the person with
the disease, but the victims of people who care.
I am out with Artie tomorrow. With the dogs. She had to say
goodbye to her Uncle and Father in law. Their house must be filled with
sadness? I remember those mornings. After sleep. I woke up, reached out for my
glasses, and looked to the clock. There was nothing there. Then real life woke
me up properly. I was now blind.
I woke up after my parents died. My Dad? It was different. I
would be angry as I got out of bed. As the hospital had a conspiracy going on
and they were keeping him from me. Like an experiment?
He would escape and come through the door, at any time.
My Mum? I woke up, feeling OK, then,
Kick.
I ached to the core of my stomach. She had gone. Oh the
pain? I will never forget it.
Now, I miss them. I cry for them. Of course, my Dad never
did come back? Not in real life anyway.
Life is never the
same, but it does go on. Just differently. When you learn to live a different
way, you cope.
Just love what you have Bloggets? Appreciate it?
I miss you Dad so very much Be happy wherever you are and
keep smiling, like you did on earth. xx
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