Well what a day? What
can I say? Quite a lot but I won’t.
Now do you have New Year’s resolutions? I don’t as I can
never keep them, but one thing I am going to try to do is cut the chaos in my
life. Try to walk away from worries. How can I do this? Good question. I guess
I can do what I touched on before. Each time something worries me or every time
I get concerned about one of our children I will have to teach myself to think
about something else. As I am sure that I am the only person left with some kind
of morals. Friends my age and older laugh when I express my opinion on life.
There seems to be no inhibitions anymore. Anything goes. I don’t like this
world at all and I think the older I’m getting the worse I have become. I’m also
becoming so dam boring. Oh, no, too sensible. Practical. Oh my word. I’m aging?
I have oftern said that I was born far too late for my
years. And lately I am proving that. The
sad fact is, I don’t think I want to change that. But when those around you who
have always been so boring so old fashioned and downright grumpy start to look
interesting to you, what can I say?
The thing is, if I am old already in my mind, what will I be
like if I am fortunate to live another fifty years? Gosh, what will life be
like then? I don’t know why, but, this year the start of this year, I feel a
little apprehensive. I don’t understand it as it was a great Christmas and a
fantastic start to our New Year, but, something is telling me this year to
expect the unexpected. I guess it has or could have something to do with last
year. Things happened that I never would have thought. So may be that is what
it is?
I wish so badly to be able to relax. How can I do this how
can I stop worrying I think I have to stop caring and I really can’t do
that. I will have to start to train
myself though to be different in the outside world. I’m very opinionated and
what I am I say and what I say I am. It’s the real me. If people don’t like it
they can lump it. I know I have only been like that for about seven years and
when I came to that conclusion, it was a revelation for me! Almost like
freedom. As though I burst the balloon where I had been inside for so long. I flew
through the air wings light an yet so strong, taking me to a place in my world
where I should have been some years ago, so many years ago.
Like a butterfly I hovered I sat on a branch after a long
flight, but now that branch has broken and I’m off again.
I’m cleaning out life and sweeping it not under the carpet,
but to a pile in the corner of the room and going to get a ginormous vacuum
cleaner to suck up the rubbish and I shall empty the bag of life in the bin and
close the forever lid.
My very good friend and Blogget Mary told me years ago to
only be around those who made me feel good. I at the time thought that was so
selfish. But I know what she means now. This doesn’t mean that I won’t help
people but it does mean that those who are determined to put me down, to have
no respect for me I shall walk away, perhaps metaphorically speaking. Their words,
shall become animated literalisms
Philosophically speaking, if you could think of three words you
could say that you would include in an essay you would write which perhaps
would change the world, what three words would feature in that work of words?
For me, not in any particular order would be compassion, peace and fresh. Compassion
for others, world peace and clean fresh air.
So this didn’t start off to be a deep thesis, but simply my
thoughts on life and its meaning. I kind of wish to write so much more on this
matter, but shall close for now and perhaps return to it at another time. A
time when I am more calm and hopeful. Before I close something to think about?
Today deceiver tomorrow deceived.
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