Techno Fi and the plastic promise

Hello my friends and Blogget family. It is almost four in the morning. I did have a nice sleep, but then I woke up. I got up two mornings early and hoped I would sleep most of the night, but not to be, you see, I had to write to you!

Hub home from Paris. Oh he had an emotional an yet very interesting visit. I don’t hear much about his work, he is always reluctant to talk about work. He says he  talks about work all the time so when he gets home, he wants to switch off? Well, that is fine, but it makes conversations rather challenging, as he is a work a holic? So not much left? It is lovely to have him home though and the dogs are delighted. For the first time in two days, they have all lay down on the rug in the living room. Long Chops paces back and forward, being the German shepherd that she is, looking out for predators and waiting for her owner to return to the pack, Waggatail, is just plain and simple, a man’s dog, so relaxes when he is in and as for Black Beauty? Well, she is a shivering wreck, but when Daddy is home, she too is calm, Oh you should see her? She adores him. As soon as he sits down, she is on  his knee. Oh well, she is a retired guide dog, not working now.

She is like wearing a mink coat though. Her fur feels exactly like a mink.

My Waggatail, she feels like silk. As for Long Chops? Em, how can I say this? Well, let’s just say I love her.

Everyone says though that LC, is the most beautiful dog. She feels really odd, but they say, those with sight, ha, that she is truly beautiful.

She for sure is as far as a loving dog is concerned. Though aren’t most dogs?

It is really really hard when Hub is away to look after all of them.

To keep the house clean is difficult too, you can imagine with three black dogs?

We don’t have  carpets downstairs, tiles and wood. I don’t know how we would cope with carpets?

My favourite flooring is stone floor downstairs and thick plush carpets upstairs.

My dream house is like one I stayed in some years ago, it was a farm in Yorkshire. Downstairs, it had stone flooring. It was really cosy, with the wood burner in the living room and the huge  range cooker in the kitchen. Gosh it  was a huge house? You could fit our house in the sitting room. There were lamps everywhere and I imagined the orange  glows  coming from them lighting up the room enough to see and forming shadows of arched warmth. I imagined cars passing our windows looking in and seeing the lamps and how cosy it must have looked?

Of course I saw nothing, as I do every day,  every second of my life, but, in my mind, it was a beautiful house.

It was called Hill top farm, or something like that, oh it was the most amazing house.

Teen got in from a night at the house of Bunches. He is sad, as she is  going skiing on Saturday and a week without seeing her, is painful for the poor lad.

Oh he is so unhappy you know? I really don’t know what to do for him? I hate the idea that he is sad.

The thing I was going to tell you, was she gave him a bracelet of hers, and he gave her, his watch, he has had since he was a young boy, a blooming good one too? I  tell you, not as deer as the bracelet she has placed on his wrist? Cheeky monkey did that clever thing, that you can  find out how much something cost online? It is worth a fortune? But his watch, is sentimental, to me anyway? Ha. Obviously not to him? Having said that, may be it is? Perhaps, this is their way of showing each other how much they love each other? By giving each other something that means something to them.

Too many each others in that lot, sorry, oh it is late? Or is it early?

The tour De France, is coming to Yorkshire next year. It will cost the UK, ten million pounds to host.

Oh I was outraged. All the hospitals that need money and homes which are closing lack of funding. Poor people too and new treatments that could be more closely explored?

But then I heard that with all of the tourists, we should earn one hundred million?

I would like to know, when or if we get that amount of money, who will benefit? I guess the answer is the shop owners and the hotel owners?

                It would be lovely if they were to give some of their profits to charities?

Can’t see that happening though?

One day, a blooming bike race? So much money, too much.

I have my GDI coming out next week. She is bringing her trainee with her. They are going to watch me from a distance, go to the shop as I told them Waggatail was not doing well going there.

Oh I hate it when they do  that? You know, watch you, watch your every move. And I know  she will criticize me. She is showing me the way onto our field from a different entrance too. Not near the shops. So we can let Waggatail off on a free run. Teen says there is no way I would be able to do  that route as it is really challenging and you have to go over loads of rough ground? Well my GDI, said she has done the route with another blind person who lives nearby. Funny you know, I have been asking for a while if they can help me to find another route on the field? They couldn’t but obviously this blind lady has shown her how to get on the field a different way.

So kindly the lady who trained Waggatail and myself, will come to our rescue next week.

Oh, Hub wants me to hand her back? Oh I can’t, not yet? I need to keep with her to see if she will improve? Poor baby, how could I give her up? How sad will she be? I know it is really stressful, having three, but not so upsetting as it would have been to hand over my retired dog? Can you imagine if I rehomed BB? That is what they wanted me to do, and after three months, decided that it was not working with me and Waggatail? I would hand back Waggatail and be without my lovely BB, whom I have been with for ten years?

I have only been with my Hubs LC for four years, and no way I can part with her? Hub and I have had so many raw words about that one, he is adamant she is going to a retirement replacement, I am more sure, she is staying with us. Then he puts the guilt on me  by saying if I do that, it will mean he can not apply for another dog as he will not have four dogs and BB, hopefully will be still alive?

Well I appreciate we can not have four dogs. But, I can, encourage him to keep up his skills with his white cane?

Can’t I?

It will be a nightmare though, as no way he could do the town with a white cane. I really really really, get so depressed when I think about our future you know? It scares me so much. So many things terrify me.

I flipping hate this blind world I live in. It really is incredibly soul destroying.

Most people are really lucky, they have families. We don’t. there is the three of us.

I am scared witless about it being the two of us.

Hub isn’t. Not at all. God, how is he like that? Why am I such a coward?

I was talking with my BF yesterday and telling him how good Hub was when I first met him over finances. Oh my last Husband, never let me know what was going on when it came to our money, or should I say, his money?

When I only knew Hub a month, he gave me a peace of plastic. I wondered what it was, it was a cash card.

I could feel the shock in my now Hubs heart as the realisation kicked in, I did not know what a cash card was?

He told me it was for if I got into trouble, he knowing my X and I needed to get away with my boy. It was to make sure we  could be safe and I had  money?

I asked him how do I use it?

He told me, well, this was the start of techno Fi.

For sure I would press wrong button and withdraw thousands, rather than £20? How would I remember the password? The numbers? What did it do, how did the bit of plastic know how much money to  put in the bank? What if there was no money in the bank? Oh how stupid I was? I was so naive?

Hub was so patient with me and since then he has taught me so much, too much, ha. I love to shop and can do it with great confidence. I use on line banking even, though that still scares me, and I do telephone banking very easily.

I never used the card Hub gave me, not until we were living together.

Thank God, I never needed to escape from my X. Though there really were times when he terrified me. Nights when I would be on my desk top and he would come into the room where my desk was and stand behind me. He was not reading what I  was doing, as the screen was off. He would just hover around me. Inches from me. I really used to frees, thinking he was going to strangle me.

My x used to pay for everything. I never saw bills or did the weekly shopping. Until I met other people who told me this was wrong, I never thought anything of it. I used to think he was kind, looking after me, making sure I had things without worrying? Then I learned the word control.

Then the word freak, put the two words together, and ran.

Only being  flippant. Sorry, not a good side to me, I can be slightly, only ever so, slightly, sick. He was not a freak. He had a heart,

 it just needed a autopsy, to find it.

Again, not being fair. He was very very good to my parents and that was all that mattered to me before, my baby came about.

   I do still hope and wish my x happiness. I mean, we were together almost 25 years?

 OK, later on I will tell you about what Hub got up to in Paris? It was really interesting. But for now, I must go to bed. My computer has rebooted since I have started writing this, I had to wait for it to get its life back together before I could continue writing to you all. So now it is after five in the morning.

The birds out side are quiet, still sleeping? But the trucks are going by, the house shakes when they do. This can’t be good?

Laters gators with love, hugs and warmth.