HE SHOULD NOT BE A FATHER

 

This weekend is my Teens 16^th birthday. I stupidly phoned his Father the other night, to let him know that Teen was OK, as it has been some time since they communicated? Well I thought with it been his birthday on Sunday, he would  be pleased to learn about him and what he  is up to in life?

How wrong could I have been?

I won’t go into detail, but how sad he made me. People like him, should not even be allowed to be fathers. I just wish my Son, had a family. He has me to love him and that is all. This  breaks my heart. My wonderful family/friends who I have adopted as my parents, care for him and thank God, but they are not here. I have always been riddled with guilt as Teen has never had a family. Always just me and him. My parents died when he was just one and my X husbands Parents, never cared about him either. This has had serious effects on Teen which is out of my control. I just wish I had him when I was about twenty, rather than late twenties? Then he would have had some Grandparents in the start of his life.

How can I make his day special? Even Bunches won’t be there? This has hurt Teen as she is away for the weekend.

Not even a card from her? I just really pray, that he finds a good wife, who will adore him and give him healthy children when I am young enough to be here for them all?

I  wouldn’t wish my Teens life or mine, on anyone.

Where I live now, people are lovely and I go out more than I ever did where I used to live, my teen has loads of friends, but he always has had, where ever he has lived. Though there is a gap for him. I can not fill it.

I think it is because of my past. Being adopted, means he has no blood relatives. Both of us really, have no past. I really dislike it when people who are pregnant, say they are giving their children up for a better life?

I always think,

“Hmm, a better life for whom?

The Mother?

Because you can give a child gold, but a life without  a soul, is a life of pain and a feeling of not belonging.

 My Hub will be here for Teens birthday, so that is great and I  am going to do  things for him, that will make his day special, silly things really, like, Make him a full English breakfast, that I never do? Also I have bought in some party food, for our tea, with a cake and some 16 year old birthday candles. I presume these are candles which  have the number 16, on them? Rather than antique candles? Ha.

I have bought him a silly small gift and will put money in his card. This is all he needs, as he loves to buy clothes and has expensive taste.

I just hope to God, his day will not be spoiled, he is out tomorrow night at a party for his friend. Hmm. I know there will be drink there, so pray Teen won’t be stupid?

He is late from school, very late and I am not sure where he is, but, I know one of the lads at school has just acquired a moped for his birthday, so I  have an awful feeling Teen is test driving it?

Teen does not tell lies, he is the most honest child in the world, but, when I said to him the other day, not to go on the bike, he kept quiet.

I asked him again and again he  did not answer? When I asked him why he was not answering, his answer was,

“Mum, I’m not promising anything.

Hmm.

What do I do?

So I just have to sit tight at home and wonder and hope to God, he will return home safe?

Hub off to a football match tomorrow. No, not playing, but watching the match.

He is going  with our funny Welsh friend, Oh, happy St David’s day to him, all you Welsh people out there, my friends Julie and Jazz.

Hub has Monday off so going into town. Going to try our card reader out tonight, so will let you know tomorrow how it went? Also I will tell you the latest tech, which Hub learned about in the US. It is amazing.

Laters Gators with warm love.