I went to the shop for some more blooming milk. I swear I
keep saying this; I need a cow in my back yard. My Hub asked me to promise him
I would not go as he is away working today. I didn’t do that as what purpose in
life do I have if I can’t do such little things like collect the milk? He
really is worked up about what happened a couple of weeks ago and of course I
am too, but I can hide forever or just try again. Kind of like riding that bike or horse after
a fall. The old Fi would have stayed safe but not the new Fi. I was a little
anxious stepping out of the house, but not terrified. It did help that teen was
home from college. Yep, home. Not maths again… I think he may get thrown off
the course. But he thinks he can just turn up some weeks before his exam and
crash study, he may be able to, but it was that attitude which made him fail
his first maths exam way back at school.
He is determined he is never going to work for anyone again.
Only be his own boss.
That is great, as long as he stays on the straight and
narrow as we say in the UK.
So Waggatail and I went to the shop and the road was noisier
than ever. I really mean it, it’s like a runway. Awful. And it is forever to
get there too. There were loads of broken bracken twigs and branches on the
path today. It was so loud, I couldn’t even hear my footsteps and I had to raise
my voice to make myself heard for Waggatail. I have had so much pressure from
my Husband to send Wagga back and if she had made a big mistake, phone call to
guide dogs would have been made.
She was far from perfect. 5 out of ten going and about the
same coming back. She’s just hard work, that’s all can’t relax for a second
this is why when I get back, I am shattered.
Going around the shop, she is sniffing everything, pulling
me everywhere. Ducking under the freezers to see what food had been spilt and
when I was at the till, she was inside the shop assistants pocket.
God she is shocking. But we came out of there and did the dreaded
fifteen minute walk home.
I am just extremely cautious about the duel carriageway
She got me home and I was relieved. She doesn’t sniff the
ground half as much as she did when I got her. Last year, I had to drag her off
everything. Her nose was glued to posts, lamps, shrubs, bins, grass verges and
paths. Not now it seems.
My fingers were numb when I got in. It’s so very cold out
there. As if I was in a bubble of ice.
Got in, teen was cooking his lunch. My God give me strength?
I only got the groceries delivered today and for lunch he
was frying. Eggs, bacon, sausage and beans.
His Father thinks having teen live with us is cost free? How
would he know, he never ever brought him up.
Talking of the x, good news today, if he tries in the future
to find me, my solicitor has a wonderful costly surprise for him.
When I think how badly my Husbands x is treating him, and
how easy my x had it, he really doesn’t know how lucky he is. Things like wills
and redundancy and much much more have not been touched. I really hope he
leaves me alone for his sake as what I learned today will really financially finish
him off. I so don’t want that, but he will leave me with no choice. I always
dread the day he ever finds me for lots of reasons, but the main one reason he
wants to find me is money. He thinks he can get money from me. Well, he will
have to help to lift that stone first as he has more chance getting money out
of a stone than my pockets.
I don’t understand we have a child together, he never has
been a Dad and pretends to be now when
all the main work has been done now there is just the pain to go through, as in
two years’ time, teen will be on his own as far as finance goes, so my x will
be able to be free of all monetary charges and just have the token of a handsome
Son to show off to people.
In the meanwhile, he is still trying to get what is not his.
Why can’t x Husbands just be normal? Well, x wives too I guess. I just had
enough of my marriage. I fell in love. Was not looking for it that is for sure.
I was loyal for 23 years even though I did have chances to not be, it was
because I was a good wife. He will never realise that though. So I guess some
good news today though I pray it will never have to be used.
A thing I am concerned about today is my left eye has a huge
lump inside the bottom of my eye lid. I have had a tiny lump for some years but
overnight it has doubled in size. I am sure the Doctor said years ago, it was a
tear ducked. But it is so big now, it
can be seen and I can for sure feel it all the time, I am aware of it.
What is it I wonder? I may have to go to the blooming
Doctors about it. I know that is where my Husband and I caught our dreadful
viruses from. Hub after ten days is still ill as am I. Just feel really week.
Coughing and loads of other symptoms.
Today I tried to get my friends little boy into a private
nursery for when they come over for three months in the summer. But looks doubtful
for this particular nursery. So waiting for a call from the manager to say yes
or no.
Answered a few emails and made some phone calls this morning.
Now going to clean though I have absolutely no energy to do so. OK, my blog
comes to an end. One of those where I just go on and on and on. Sorry if my idle
chit chat has bored you today, but the next one will be a lot shorter and I
hope more interesting. X
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