THE PERFECT PARENT PLAYS PIANO

 Listening to a piano concerto and remembering my lovely dear friend Dimitri from Russia. Gosh he was a wonderful person with such talent which sadly died with his spirit and future of a possible happiness. I only hope wherever he is right now he has found the way in life to change something I’m sure he won’t think needs changing but if he were to change, he would step back and realise what lost years he has had but he is thankfully still young enough to live life to it’s full without taking any pain forward and drag along pain from his past.

 

Last night Hub and I were talking about him. He was on both of our minds. He was a dear and enchanting child sadly Hub never got to meet with the little boy I knew but he did meet with the adult of a young man at our wedding as he gave me away.

 

He had been through a lot in life and when I visited him in Russia when having eye treatment, my heart broke for him. His Mother did her best as best as she knew. We don’t come perfect us Mums and we make mistakes along the way which sometimes can’t be rectified, but we shouldn’t beat ourselves up about it as our children grow to be teenagers who also hurt us and then adults who can continue with their painful ways. So though we as parents get the blame, that blame isn’t just for us. In fact, what is blame? What does blame mean and what is its origin?

 

 Well I think I read somewhere that it comes from old French. It’s meaning? To place the responsibility for a fault or mistake.

 

So it’s a word. A word really rather than a feeling don’t you think? So is it blame or guilt we go through as parents. Me personally, I have little guilt when it comes to my Son and I don’t blame myself for any actions. So am I arrogant? No, absolutely not. I really believe that I only ever have and had the best interests for my Teen. Throughout his life I have always put him first even when we as in my ex and I split up. Since we have ended our marriage my Son has become a very independent lad with very good school and college results with top comments from his boss at work mind you after today, something happened this morning, not sure if he will handle this one. There is a huge amount of responsibility put on him and so far it’s worked out but today is the first time he has had to discipline someone. But he has confidence that he can do this. Not sure the person old enough to be his Mother will agree….  And I’m sure Dimitri’s Mother will also feel she has never done wrong sometimes it’s the outsiders the on lookers who actually see where things could be improved. Just as those looking at how Dimitri treats his Mother they too would say to him he could have done that differently.

 

So blame is a strange word. And parents need to stop beating themselves up about where they have gone wrong and concentrate on where they have done good.

 

I mean who is to say what a perfect parent is? There are books studies and so on but who is the author to play the role of such importance? Are they a God? Do they never do wrong? And is their wrong our wrong?

 

In my opinion a good parent is someone who wanted their child. Someone who prepared their bodies for a baby coming and if they didn’t know of its journey to us, then do their best to be healthy whilst carrying the baby. To be there when the baby cries and needs food if not all of the time, for sure when that child first wakes up and just before bed.

 

As the child gets older and starts school. For a good parent to prepare the child make the schooling an adventure to be looked forward to. To be there at the school gate to wave bye bye and paint on that smile no matter how you hurt inside. To be there at the end of the day to welcome them as they leave their very busy some would say stressful day behind.

 

To show interest in what they have done throughout the day. OK so you are not really interested in how they may have planted tomatoes seeds or got their picture hung up on the wall or even how they had to describe a very complicated scientific experiment to their class, but, act. Leave them with some kind of self-pride.

 

A good parent is someone who wants their child to be healthy and understand they can trust you and tell you anything.

 

A good parent is someone who can laugh with, not at, their child. And finally you want the best future for your child, but remember what your best is, may not be theirs. That is when we run into difficulties. If we don’t agree on their pathway. All we can do to be as good as we can is clear the leaves of life away from each step they venture out on. And be there for when or if your child falls to catch them.

 

Teach them good manners basic manners and remember your child isn’t always going to appeal to others the way they behave. So look listen around you and see how others react. If your child is standing out in the crowd it’s not always a good thing. But they need to be in that crowd so when a fortune of happiness falls, they, the child can hold their hands out to catch whatever lands in their palms.

 

So where ever dear Dmitry is now in this vast world, I hope his fingers still play the piano. I wish him happiness as he needs that in his life that has been hidden from him for years.