GOODBYE

Good evening Bloggets. Well the mood in our house is one of deep sadness as we have said a very painful goodbye

To Hubs Brother.  Dad and our brother came for dinner. As ever it started off so lovely so real and comfortable. I love my little bro. Dad was lovely and vocal and we drank tea, ate biscuits and laughed. Hub came in from work and Teen around the same time. Teen had to leave his car in the garage to get its MOT. It was an anxious wait to find out what the cost was going to be for his car. Considering how much it has cost him already over the year he has had it.

 

I made a huge pot of steak casserole, put some bread rolls in the oven and for dessert we had pear and cinnamon tart where we laughed as I did my party trick of pretending that I had cooked it…. I always do that with cake. Bro went into the bin and brought out the box it came in and began to read out the name of it and even the shop I had bought it at. But as ever it caused a smile.

 

It was lovely family dinner. Even an extra dog as Bro has a dog that will be staying with Dad.

 

As the meal went on, the mood got lower. I took my brother to see my new room. He made a comment and I said now I have not got you to help us, it means we can never move again. It was kind of a joke. As my bro in law helped us so much to move house four years ago. He made a comment that was so painful I think at that point I wanted to hold on to him and not let him go.

 

But sadly he had to we all hugged bye bye my heart ached for Dad he is so very sad about the whole situation.  Dad and Bro are not only Son and Father but best friends.  I’m worried sick how Dad will cope.

 

As my bro Held me in his big bear arms, the lump in my throat grew bigger. Oh, the pain trying to hold it together. For Bro, Dad and Hub it was excruciating. As the front door closed it was like a stab in the heart.

 

I had to disappear and find a place in the house where the boys couldn’t hear me cry.

 

If he was going to Spain or somewhere a few hours away, but the other side of the world?

 

Hub is obviously devastated. He says he feels as if he is grieving. I just don’t know what to do to pick him up. He looks so very sad deeply unhappy I have seen him twice like this, when his Mum died and when we lost our beautiful LC AKA Suki last year.

 

I told hub to tell his brother how he felt, but boarding school stole his ability to show emotion in front of others. He said it would be difficult enough for Bro to leave his Dad without us putting extra pressure on him. My eyes are stinging with silent tears as we tried to watch TV and be as normal as possible. It’s so difficult I want him and his partner to be happy but at the same time I want them to be happy here in the UK. God I’m going to miss him so much. He is going to live in Perth Australia. It’s forever away. My brother in law and myself get on together we just get each other. I care so much for him. It just totally hurts me deep really deep pain. Why is it that those we love leave us? Why couldn’t it have been his bloody awful Sister who went? Gosh that would have caused a huge party.

 

Our family has got even smaller. He leaves during the night tomorrow. Gosh I wish he wasn’t going. I really do. His dog will miss him so much too.

 

Sometimes life is so cruel. As I said to some friends today through social media, last time I did something so drastic as I am about to do on Saturday, was when my Mum died. More on that later.

 

I hope tomorrow I will be back feeling a little better than I do now. I also feel so sad for Dad.

 

Isn’t it funny, Brits are going to Australia to live and Australians are coming over here? Like grass is greener.

 

All I know is my brother in law was standing next to me and I missed him before he even left. The room felt so empty as he was saying goodbye. Nothing makes a room feel emptier than wanting someone in it.

 

Right now I feel as though someone has pierced my heart.

 

Goodnight Bloggets. Bro I love you. X