A RIB TICKLING MONDAY

Happy Monday my friends. I hope your weekend was a calm and surprising one? I hope  you smiled at least once? If not, I have some more absolutely rib tickling eye watering belly aching jokes for you below!

Well, Ok, Some pretty average ones, but I bet you smile? Even those who normally would not smile, in fear of cracking their faces? Haha.

I need to smile today, as I have the blooming dentist again later. So I hope my Black beauty will succeed the challenge and I hope I will find it in my heart and mind, to find the courage to get myself there?

Hub working from home today, but if I get lost, haha, no point in phoning him, can you imagine that phone call?

“Hi, I’m lost!”

“Oh, where are you?”

“Em, lost?”

“Hang in there, I will come looking for you?”

Ten minutes later, he calls my mobile, well I am here, where are you?

“I’m here!”

“What is around you?”

“Well how the  heck do I know?” Hahaha. Let’s hope all will be well? Sure it will be……

More floods in the UK. Thank God, so far, we are alright, but just a mile away, not so good.

 

I was shocked at how un Christmasy, if there is such a word, well, there is in Fifi land, our town was at the weekend. My old home town of Newcastle, was the best at Christmas. I swear, there is nowhere better at Christmas, than Northumberland Street, in Newcastle. The atmosphere there was always so good. The cobbled streets, mixed in with the pedestrian wide roads, was always a pleasure at Christmas, but only if you had someone to go with, as on our own there, was impossible. We used to have a stunning enormous shop window, that had the best display of moving puppets that told stories through loud speakers outside the shop window. The music was great, there would be a story told and everyone, young and old, would line up to see the amazing window. There would be bears on skis, or manikin children, moving on chair lifts, or reindeers pulling Santa Clause in his sleigh. The music was   always great too. There also would be brilliant buskers and choirs singing in coffee shops. The lights, I’m told, were beautiful too!

In our new home town, there was a young singer singing seventies songs, he was apparently eighteen, sounded like an old drunk, about sixty and that was the only singer/so called music, we heard in town yesterday, and nothing else we heard, smelled or  were told about, apart from in the soap shop, there was on the wall, a humungous spider with a glitter head and  lovely diamante web around him. That sounded lovely, but so bare was everything else?

Well until later my Bloggets, some jokes for you.

Two ducks are staying in a hotel. They are about to make love and then they realize they don’t have any condoms. So one of the ducks rings room service to ask for some condoms.
The woman on the phone says, ''OK sir, would you like to put them on your bill?''
''No,'' he says, ''I'll suffocate!''

A man walks into a bar and orders a beer.
There are some peanuts in a bowl on the counter.
They start talking to the man.
“Hey, you’re looking pretty hot tonight,” they say.
The man thinks it’s a bit weird that peanuts are talking to him. But he feels pretty good about being told he looks hot.
He decides to play pool and goes over to the change machine to get some coins.
As he is getting the money, the machine says: “You suck at pool, bro. Why do you even bother? In fact, you suck at life.”
The man doesn’t feel good anymore. He thinks: “Man, something strange is going on in this bar. Maybe I’m hallucinating.”
So he goes up to the bar again and he says to the bartender: “What’s up with this bar tonight? First the peanuts starts talking to me and telling me I’m hot and now the change machine is telling me I suck! What’s going on?!”
“Well,” says the bartender. “The peanuts are complimentary and the change machine is out of order.”