THE HIGHS AND LOWS

 A very challenging day. Not a good one. Feeling really sad. After yesterday’s high. I can tell you I really really find the task of parenting difficult now days. Emotionally. The ups and downs are just too much to bear.

 

My Son is very unhappy and takes it out on me. He can be so nasty one moment and the next so loving. I never know where I am.

 

It hurts. His Father gets none of this. Being a single parent is tough. My Husband is very supportive but my Son chooses to bully when my Husband is out.

 

I don’t talk to the ex now. Never will. He has gone too far, so I don’t have his number and he doesn’t’ have mine. In the past if I have tried to talk to him about the welfare of our Son, he has not wanted to know. Why should he, he never has in the past. He likes to take him to do sports and go on boys hikes, but when it comes to caring and emotional things, he can’t cope with it.

 

I almost dread it when my Son is in when my Husband is out. We are just the two of us. Because it’s really really bad.

 

I just wish on days like this I had somewhere to go.

 

I wish I could get in a car and drive to the country and walk with my dog.

 

One day I hope. I heard today that gene therapy is looking good. I dream of that day.

 

In the meanwhile, I will carry on like this.

 

Tomorrow is a new day.

 

The houses where we live have gone up in price massively. I really don’t know why? I’m talking £50,000 rise in half a year.

 

This is good, for selling, but looking at smaller houses, they have gone up too unless we moved area, and there is no chance we want to do that as we know how to do the basic journeys here. This road out of our back though is hellish. It actually gives me a splitting headache it’s that loud.

 

The road is old and the vehicles which go by are too heavy for such a road. It is meant to be 40 MPH, but they go fifty and they really should do only thirty I think as it’s built up with houses and people.

 

In the summer you can’t really sit out there long. You need ear protectors.

 

I’m not kidding.

 

Out the front is lovely and quiet, but not at all private.

 

The back is private, but the pollution from the engines is dreadful.

 

Our house is so lovely though and we have the best neighbours Hub and I have ever encountered upon.

 

Collectively Hub and I have had the odd one good neighbour but never half a dozen houses of them. We could move to a smaller house but be alone as far as friendly people are concerned. We never ever ask for help, but we know and have the comfort of if we did, we would receive it.

 

I don’t know if we could ever have that stress of moving again. Oh my word. Just trying to house hunt when we both can’t see was bad enough.

 

For those who are sighted, can you imagine that for a moment?

 The sound of a door opening you know to walk in. First thing you smell the air. Discreetly, I’m not saying like a hound dog…

Then you get a feel for the place, but you see nothing. We can smell damp. Dirt too. Fresh paint and cleaning materials.

 

If our shoes stick to the carpet, we know they need renewing…

 

If the floors sink as we walk across, they are in need of repair.

 

You don’t really get a lay out of the rooms though, as you need to be on your own and who would let us have time to feel around their homes? I wouldn’t.

 

I mean, when my friend comes, he loves to have a look at what we have been doing, and I love that. I love the fact he feels so comfortable that he can do that and he has a right as if he could see, he would just look.

 

But not strangers looking with their hands.

 

We looked at so many houses before I picked this one. So it’s my entire fault…

We had some serious teething problems with this, but it’s a beautiful house. Close to so much too. But silly naive me, I didn’t think just because something was within a mile of here, it wouldn’t be accessible.

 

They are in big industrial estates.

 

Impossible to find anything.

 

Anyway, here’s hoping by the next house, sight will have kissed my eyes.

 

My Husband was working from home today before he left for his journey. Gosh, he is so clever. Listening to him on the phone, the words he uses and his manner in the way he commands without being condescending or too bossy, was simply an art to listen to.

 

I may go into the garage to work out. No, not in our freezer to see what’s for dinner. Haha. But use the rower.

 

If I do, really I will feel proud. But to get there I have to pass teen watching TV and if he speaks to me, my heart will sink and I will feel too depressed to go.

Wish me luck?

 

I will let you know how I get on.

 

Grateful to you all. Thanks for your support.