SMILE GO ON I DARE YOU

There are so many reasons the person who sent me these jokes is my friend, but this for sure is one of them. Thank you DD.

Two women were sitting next to each other in a bar. After a while, one looks at the other and says, 'I can't help but think, from listening to you, that you're from Ireland .'    The other woman responds proudly, 'Yes, I sure am!'     The first one says, 'So am I!  And whereabouts in Ireland are ya from?'    The other woman answers, 'I'm from Dublin , I am.'     The first one responds, 'So, am I!!   And what street did you live on in Dublin ?'     The other woman says, 'A lovely little area.  It was in the west end.  I lived on Warbury Street in the old central part of town.'     The first one says, 'Faith, and it's a small world.  So did I!  So did I!  And what school did ya go to?'    The other woman answers, 'Well now, I went to Holy Heart of Mary, of course..'    The first one gets really excited and says, 'And so did I!  Tell me, what year did you graduate?'The other woman answers, 'Well, now, let's see.  I graduated in 1964.'    The first woman exclaims, 'The Good Lord must be smiling down upon us!  I can hardly believe our good luck at winding up in the same pub tonight!  Can you believe it?  I graduated from Holy Heart of Mary in 1964 meself!'     About this time, Michael walks into the bar, sits down, and orders a beer.    Brian, the bartender, walks over to Michael shaking his head and mutters, 'It's going to be a long night tonight.'    Michael asks, 'Why do you say that, Brian?'     Brian answers, 'The Murphy twins are drunk again'.

 

Now this can only happen in America, I love it…

A  man suffered a serious heart attack while shopping in a  store.

The  store clerk called 911 when they saw him collapse to the  floor.

The paramedics rushed the man to the nearest  hospital where he had emergency
open heart bypass  surgery.

He awakened  from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at  the Catholic  Hospital. 

A nun was seated next to his bed holding a clipboard loaded with  several forms, and a pen. She asked him how he was going to pay for his  treatment.
"Do you have health insurance?" she  asked.
He replied in  a raspy voice, "No health insurance."
The nun asked, "Do you have money in the  bank?"
He replied,  "No money in the bank."
Do you have a relative who could help you with  the payments?" asked the irritated nun.
He said, "I only have a spinster sister, and she  is a nun."

The nun  became agitated and announced loudly, "Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are  married to God."

The  patient replied, "Perfect. Send the bill to my  brother-in-law."
,_

Oh this is great, from Australia.

A small boy named Bruce lived in a suburb of Sydney, Australia.

None of his classmates liked him cause of his stupidity, especially his teacher, who was always yelling at him, "You’re driving me mad, Bruce".

 

One day Bruce's mum came to school to check on how he was doing.  The teacher told his mum honestly, that her son was simply a disaster,

getting very low marks, and never had she seen such a dumb boy in her entire teaching career. The mum was shocked at the feedback and

withdrew her son from school and moved out of Sydney, relocating to Newcastle.

 

25 years later, the teacher was diagnosed with an incurable cardio disease.  All the doctors strongly advised her to have heart surgery,

which only one surgeon could perform. Left with no other options, the teacher decided to have the operation, which was successful.

When she opened her eyes after the surgery she saw a handsome doctor smiling down at her. She wanted to thank him, but could not talk. 

Her face started to turn blue, she raised her hand, trying to tell him something but eventually died.

 

The doctor was shocked and was trying to work out what went wrong, when he  turned around he saw our friend Bruce, working as a cleaner in the clinic, 

who had unplugged the oxygen equipment in order to connect his vacuum cleaner!    

   Hmmm.  Don't tell me you thought Bruce became a heart-surgeon ?