OH, MUM?

A few of us will  cringe at our parents in our youth, but when they have gone, or we have got older, we will be free to laugh about those  moments! Gosh I could tell you some funny things my parents did and how serious they were about it all? To them it was for real?

One time in Russia, we were sitting in our favourite coffee shop, called Hotel berlin, it was a coffee shop inside the hotel and it was so good, simple but with a lovely atmosphere. Very dark inside with small amber lights. They sold wonderful ham and freshly sliced crusty bread. The cakes they had were Fteetchi malako, Birds milk, and Ruski Katoshka, Russian potato, Ruski Katoshka, was a wine cake shaped like a potato and birds milk, was absolutely delicious too. An old man was sitting at the table next to us and he did what a lot of older Russians do drank his tea by pouring it into his saucer then slurping it from the saucer.  My Mum thought  this was the height of bad manners, so one day turned in her chair, and said in her booming voice in English of course as she could not speak Russian, though did try to in front of waiters, another story,

“You are a very rude little man!” Well the poor old soul turned to her smiling asking in Russian what did she say? He looked to our interpreter as she turned a shade of red.

I understood him very well, but allowed our interpreter to translate.

  It was so funny to hear her response she told him my Mum was just saying hello? Hahahahahahaha. He smiled and said we were welcome into his country and because he was smiling and looking at my Mum, my Mum, got more annoyed as he obviously was not taking her disgust seriously. So she continued saying or telling him

“A cup  is to drink out of, even my Fiona as a child did not behave in such a dreadful way?” He looked approvingly towards our translator and I was just recoiling in my seat as the poor girl told the man, my Mum said thank you for being so welcoming? Hahahaha. Oh God I wanted to die  at the time, a bit like when she wanted roast beef for lunch and there was the two of us, well she would not ask me to translate, so she asked for her choice of meat. Rather than just say she would like beef, she put her fingers on the top of her head as though  to make the actions of horns of a cow and began to “Moo!”

 God, we had sounds of cows coming from our table, the waiter laughed and still did not know what she was on about I as a young girl wondered if Russian cows spoke in a different language? Ha. I after clearing my face of blushes, calmly asked for roast beef. I wouldn’t care,  beef was well understood in Russia, as the same word as English ?

Then there was the time when at the airport, she came out of the ladies toilet, with her skirt stuck in her underwear? We had done the full length of the airport by the time a lady quietly told my Mum and the time when I was in a  paint shop with her and she shouted over two isles of pots to me, “Fiona, I need some Durex?” I died, my X absolutely laughed as another man in the shop shouted “You will not get them in here love?” She did not mean the make of condoms, she meant the paint Dulux?

Oh, then  there was the time, when we went into a very expensive china shop. She said in her again loud voice, “Fiona, be careful of all this china darling? Then she read the sign to me

“Please do not touch! Any items which are broken, must be paid for?” Then she turned around and knocked a vase off with her handbag….. hahahahaha.

God bless her. x