Well if you read yesterday’s blog, you will know how anxious
I was as Teen was out with his girl, Hub out with Long chops to the Cathedral and I was to go to our
church. I was terrified. I felt sick. I really really felt I had to do it and
Hub said if I didn’t he was not going to the Cathedral, and I know how
much that meant to him. So talk about pressure?
I also wanted to see my lovely friends there at the church. Like the girl from
my old home town, who is so lovely and really wish I could get to know more. I
knew I would see my faithful funny Welsh friend and the kind warm man who runs
the church. There were others I wanted to see as well, as they all won’t know
how much my life has changed over the past few months. I of late have been
losing my nerve about going out, even though I have had huge support from two of
my friends from school. Well, one of them, was not a friend at school, the opposite
actually, but since we have left school, we get on so well now. Whenever we are
together, we have a laugh and she is a lovely friend now. I think it has a
lot to do with my personal life and the
fact that my Black beauty of a guide dog has had me in the middle of a busy
road, with a bus coming one way and a car the other. I did not know which way
to go, left, or right, Was I in the middle? The sounds were all around me, the
noise of the puddles were like vast waterfalls as when in fear, everything
sounds different and it is difficult to judge. Cars were coming and the bus was
not slowing down. How did I know it was a bus? You can tell by how deep and
heavy it is on the road. It makes a dull deep engine noise. Sometimes I get it
wrong and it is a truck. Hub never gets
it wrong, he is amazing he can tell when we are passing lamp posts and
everything like what is on the path, by the sounds.
I was dizzy and everything was going through my mind,
like “I was about to be killed and who
would look after my loved ones. My poor dog would be really in so much pain
before she died and so much more, it was really awful. I could go left and be
hit by the car, right and be hit by the bus. I froze, but as the cars were
coming too, would they overtake? Thank God they didn’t and I waited with my
guide dog close to me as she went into a massive panic I kept her right close
to me, trying to protect her as much as possible. The cars van, and bus drove
on their way and I just walked to the right as far as the bushes, then I knew I
was at the edge, but we typically, had
gone down a side road, so had lost the route completely, Oh it was just a
nightmare. I was so scared. How would I
get home? Where was home? Teen at school, Hub in Thailand. Thank God, I have a
couple of numbers now from church, but I
used my ears and inner map and with the help of my little dog, who was in a state herself, we got home. I have had a
couple of bad days with her, but that was the worst. Thank God I have a new pup
coming and I pray she will work out for me?
I got home that day, my BB, was exhausted. I tried to call
Hub but he was busy abroad I contacted my best friend and sat and shook, cried
a bit and wished for sight. Pathetic I know, but really I am not a strong
person. I am a coward. But my hub pointed out to me the other day how I have
changed. Silly little tell tail things, like we went to a shop a couple of days
ago, just local, and I told him to stay outside the door and I would pop in. I
would have never done that also I had to pick up a prescription from the
doctors and I said to him, as the door is really hard to find, as it is one of
those doors, where there are loads of windows at each side of the door, so the
poor dog does not know where to take you, Hub agreed to wait at the door,
whilst I went to the reception, and picked up what I needed. Hub stood there
and just said “OK!” So I knew where the
door was. He said I would have never done that some months ago. He is right. As
for church yesterday? I put on my clothes for church and found my lovely
earrings hub bought me when we first met. I felt really tearful, as I do
at Christmas, as I really think you
should not be alone at this time of year, and I was. I still was unsure I would
make it to the top of our drive.
It was dark outside and the
wind was howling, this makes it really hard to find where we need to go, as sounds are muffled.
I opened the front door. Blackness followed me out and
darkness met with me.
I wanted to turn the key and go back in, but I would feel a
failure. I really did not want to do that walk. I shook inside. My fingers
rested gently on the dogs harness, but I wanted a hand to hold. Someone to tell
me it would be OK.
“Would she do it? Would she find the gap in the grass? Would
she stop at the kerb? She did, now, would she turn in at the right place for
the pathway to church? She did!
Kevin met me, he is so warm and the father of the lovely
little girl with the questions, I have written about before. She of course was
there again and was as sweet as ever. Jacquie sat next to me, she was so very
considerate, telling me little things, like when to stand, it’s not always obvious?
I did not see my homey but Welsh friend was there, he never ever misses saying hello. He is so
clever and talented too as he wrote a great poem for a child to read in church
and we sang carols. Everyone was given a candle to hold but I declined, hahaha.
Can you imagine the headlines?
Right through the service, I just thought of the route home.
Would we do it? I thought of my son and Hub. Hoping he was OK an missed them so much. I had no time to think of
my poor friends who would for the first time be without their loved ones this
year, but for sure spend all other hours thinking about them. I did think about
my best friend, I wanted to tell him I did it, as I knew he would offer encouraging
words to me bless him? He is such a kind friend and him and his wife are lovely
people with their own world to live through at this time of year.
We came out of the church, I felt awful, as wanted to stay
for a cup of tea, but was too scared. So I walked home, BB got me all the way,
they have cut down the bushes now, so we don’t poke our eyes out on the
overhang, but we also do not know if we are in our street, as it’s all bare.
Were we in our street? It was busier than normal, well, I
was sure we were not, but then I heard the wind chimes and knew it was my
garden.
She did it, she really did it. What a little star, as I
really did loss my nerve and my BB, has to be told every move. I can do the
same route every day and she still has to be told every turn. Not last night,
yes we went over grass, muddy grass, so she did not find the pathway gap, but
we blooming well did it. My little Black beauty, her last Christmas in a church
before she gets her harness removed. Oh that is so sad?
Well, now Hub has Classic FM on, he is singing to the carols
and he is in the kitchen preparing all the
meet for tomorrow. He will clean the kitchen, and I will go in to do
vegetables. The house smells of stuffing’s and herbs. Teen is out again with
girl but to be back before tea. I will light my candle tonight and bless those
in pain and alone, also those who are facing a Christmas out of their houses as
the floods here in the UK, are just dreadful and about seven thousand houses
have been evacuated.
I will hope for lots of laughter and family time for those
who are rich enough in life’s Patten to have such a wonderful experience and
hope for those in heaven to have a lovely Christmas, knowing we on earth, are happy.
With love as ever my dearest Bloggets. x
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