HELL AT HOME

Hi Bloggets, today I had a tough after math of a huge row with the teen. Yesterday was crippling. I have been hurt so bad by him again. I have deleted his Father’s house and mobile numbers so teen is on his own now as far as the x is concerned. I tried to ask for help with teen but the x thinks it’s brownie points if Teen and I argue. The x did say one thing which made sense. That was he hopes Teen and his gf split up. I also hope and pray they do, but want it to be teen that comes to his senses and breaks up the relationship. It’s not at all good for him. At first I was so happy as I thought it was a nice family he was getting involved with, but now I know what I do, I just hope it ends soon but he doesn’t get hurt. I am feeling rather shattered at the moment, so rather than given you a depressing blog, I may not be talking about home life until I get not over this, but side by side with it. My heart is broken. Things have been said that I can’t even imagine anyone saying to an enemy, let alone their Mother. He did something to me yesterday, which I dare not tell my Husband. My Husband and teen hate each other anyway, without making them more hateful towards each other. All I know is my baby has gone and a stranger has entered my life. My friend came this afternoon for a cup of tea and a chat. She went through the same as me but not quite as bad with the words that were/are being used. She was so sweet. I know I am not alone on this. So many people have said it happens to all parents, but no one has said how bad it was for them until my friend today. It’s like the secret service. No one talks. A taboo subject. I think if it happened gradually, I would be OK; it’s the fact that it’s been within the first month of him meeting with his gf. Not quite overnight, but not far off it. One good thing about her being at boarding school, he sees less of her and is not staying half as much with her family. Thank God, a result. Anyone who thinks it is funny to feed a 16 year old alcohol let them sleep together and laugh at the parents of that child, to me is pure low life’s. They can have all their money, but the amount they talk about it, shows that they have as much class, as an abandoned school. So he is off tonight with them for a meal for the Fathers birthday, but she has to be in school by ten, so at least teen will be home, safe, not saying sane. I am pleased to say, I put together a coffee table in our conservatory. Hub didn’t want me to; as he said I wouldn’t be able to do it. But I took no notice to him, as there has to be one thing I’m still good for? There was. I did it and it looks beautiful. It’s all mirrored, so the legs and table top. Very modern looking. I feel really bad as not cooked for my Husband for two days. I can’t eat or bring myself to cook. This is really awful. I must make an effort tonight. I really don’t want to eat anything and know that Hub will also not eat if I don’t. So may pretend by having some fruit or something. I’m in a dreadful place emotionally. My tears are like blood and they won’t stop bleeding. I know I will bounce back, I always do. My friend today was so sweet she said it’s almost like we have to let the kids go through their dreadful stage and ignore them. It’s so hard though when I see my boy getting spoiled. When he would happily kill me and I really am not kidding when I say that. If we were like the US and had guns in the home, the anger in him, I would not be surprised if he would take a gun to me. One bang/flick of the finger and gone. I am dreading it when Hub goes away I have a week before he starts his trips. Mentally if I’m not better by then, I really fear for myself. Let’s hope that when Teen gets into college from Monday, he will calm down and learn some form of respect? I know having no parents how much I miss them and want them. He has his and he treats me in a way I would not even be able to make up in a story. One friend says kick him out, but he is my Son at the end of the day. I love him. I really don’t like him. In front of other people he is so nice. Like he used to be with me, but with me he is awful. It’s rained all day here today and it is quite cold. A real autonomous day. We can’t put the heating on because our radiators still have not been fixed. I hope the plumber will come and do them next Wednesday he said. OK, will go for now, I want to be back with some smiles for you so next blog will be better I promise. To my Yam, don’t worry. You know me, I will be fine. X