ANOTHER GOODBYE

Good morning Bloggets. I hope you are all well?

I am franticly working hard with the washing and about to iron, for Hub going away. His P.A, who was travelling with him, has had to pull out, so he is travelling to the US, without sighted assistant. I am half OK as he is going with another colleague of his who also is a friend. But he too is blind.

Though he only has three days of meetings, he will be away for five nights and six days.

He will be back one night then off early on Friday to Portugal for the weekend.

Each time my Husband goes away, the pain in my heart is unbearable.

I really dread it. I can’t tell you how much I fear being without him.

Thankfully, my friend Flexi is coming on Monday and we are doing lunch. Apart from that, no plans.

It’s not just being alone, it’s the fact that for 28 years, we were apart; we found each other and now again always saying goodbye.

So always planning his next departure. This house is so empty without him. I am totally screwed up from boarding school. I really suffer what went on there and it still leaves holes in my heart and soul.

I feel as though I really don’t belong in this world. I just feel low when I think about being without my left arm.

Stupid I know. But as though you are on a circus tightrope and one false move and you fall.

All the time, I’m that circus act.

There is the worry about my Husband too. Has the taxi got there safe, has the train arrived, has he got to the airport OK, has he managed the airport and is he OK on the flight? Has the flight landed OK? Then, has he got to his hotel safely at the other end? Once he is there, I’m OK, just OK.

Then the journey in reverse.

Then he is home twelve hours and away again.

I simply hate the word “Goodbye!

I find it hard to get excited now for him coming home, as I have learned not to climb that ladder, as I will be pushed down those steps again.

Then to fall. It’s not good, so stay kind of mutual and there is no shock.

I wonder if I could see, would Hubs job be easier too? It’s the fact that I feel so vulnerable in the house, as you all know; I’m not at all independent. I do try and with Hub I have a strength which is so strong and I bring it out, but when I am on my own, it’s in a cupboard locked with hidden keys.

He works so hard too, never stops. His call to the world last night was from nine in the evening, till eleven. It went over by half an hour. This is after being in his office all day, he never finishes at five either and he starts well before nine.

If only he could do that job and never travel, but I guess head of International, there is a clue in the name and a reason to travel?

It would be great if he could get his staff to travel, the thing is, my Husband is a true pro and wants to see the job done at its best ability, if he is not there to agree what is to happen, and say the right things in the right places, well, then he is a missing link I guess.

To hear him talking too, he is so intelligent. He is full of Charisma and politically correct.

I would not last two minutes in his job, I’m too opinionated.

Today I got the shock I didn’t want to start the day with. I received an answering machine message, from the Working department people. I know for a fact, that my money will be halved in a couple of months. This terrifies me. So I thought it was for that, but, no, it was a call about the money my X should be paying, for teen. So few. But the answer machine message was so unprofessional, saying her name was “Debs.

I just don’t understand how   people are not trained to answer calls in a manner which is professional anymore. My Husband went to the bank last week. A person stood not too far from him and said

“Heya, you’re alright! Do you want anything?”

Hub thought it was a customer, perhaps talking on their mobile phone, so didn’t answer. No, it turned out it was a greeter in the bank, asking him if she could help him.

What ever happened to

“Good morning Sir, my name is Amanda, how can I help you today?”

OK, Grumpy Fi has come off her soap box for now, I promise a happy blog next time. X