Good day, the sun is shining today, it’s far from hot, but
at least for now, it’s pleasant. I’m hoping to find time to sit outside. OK the
air is poor quality, and it really is affecting my health, but to feel some
kind of sun is better than being in
doors. I right now can hear my cow bell outside, so it’s obviously still windy,
and no, Daisy the cow, isn’t in my front garden, it’s a bell I bought when on
holiday once
So my blog,
a bit of a rant and a lot of observations.
I just thought
today, people give us hell at times, friends family and colleagues. Our kids
can hurt us so badly with their nasty mean words and these are the people we
have done our best for. But our pets never hurt us until they are ill or worse.
And that is beyond their control. I can quite understand why people go to live
away from humans and only live with animals.
My dog
never complains and is so happy to see me every day, they never seem to be in
bad moods. They are not selfish greedy and cruel. They come when we ask love us
no matter what. And why?
Why do they
and why should they? Some would say it’s because they are not as intelligent as
humans. Well if intelligent is being dam right cruel, then give me a pet who
lacks in the grey matter any day. So is the sign of brilliance being mean? No,
it’s not. If you are clever you should know better.
I have been
shocked over the past five months in just how someone you thought was close to
you can turn and change like the wind. Say unforgiving things and think it’s OK
to do that. Well, it’s OK for me, as I will never bother with them again. I
think if you can say such dreadful and unforgiving things to someone it shows
you what kind of person you are dealing with and I don’t need any more crap in
my life. The day I climbed out from the hole of hell was the day that I said
never ever again will I be treat in such a way without consequences.
I have
never said dreadful things to anyone good, I couldn’t, it’s just not in my
nature and I want to disassociate myself from those kinds of people.
I was
talking to someone today who is a true inspiration. What a wonderful gentleman.
Gosh he was so positive and spoke so much sense. What makes some people so
lovely and others so nasty?
We spoke
about bitter people and he said that when someone is unhappy with the world they
blame everyone but themselves. He said he is in control of his life and because
of that, he is the driver holding onto the wheel.
Well if he
is holding onto the wheel, he will steer along the right roads and if he goes
down a wrong road, then it’s only him he has to blame. The only people you hurt
by blaming others is yourself, because blaming others only means you drive the
other people away and they carry on with their lives whilst you are so bitter
inside still looking for that person to shout at.
Another
subject that I have been reading about today is Feng Shui. Well at first I did
wonder if it was a Chinese term for interior design. What looks good in the
house and so on. Reading more on the subject, I’m still on the fence. For example,
it was written about different ways to put your furniture, mirrors and so on,
and what materials to use. Is this not good design? For example, westerners have
been told that green is relaxing and blue makes you feel cold. So use colours
and put your furniture in ways that will make you feel good, is this not what
we have been saying for years? I did like reading about the plants though. And
this is what I learned about plants which gives you pure air in the home or
work place. It was written that research tells us that pollution in doors is
much worse than outside. Hmm. Depends where you live? Of course if you live in
the countryside or seaside, but if you live in the middle of town, then the air
is going to be awful outside, right? But in general I guess outside air should
be better though I think this is an ancient theory before cars and other forms
of transport as well as factories and so on.
So how do
we clear the air and fill it with oxygen according to Feng Shui?
In the late 80’s, NASA did a study looking at
plants to find which ones were most effective at improving indoor air quality
to filter common toxins like formaldehyde, found in carpets, wood pressed
clothes and cleaning products to name a few. The Areca
Palm comes up on top. This has the effect of an electric humidifier.
The Bostin fern eliminates heavy metals such
as mercury.
The rubber plant provides moisture in the
room. As well as many other good things for us.
English
ivy. This is good for those with Asthma removes mould too from your room.
The spider
plant removes carbon monoxide and nitrogen dioxide.
This week I
may look more into Feng Shui as I love the subject, you know what I’m like in
my house, with colours and ornaments, so may come back to this each day with a
new outlook of different aspects of Feng Shui.
Well,
reminds me I must go and water my plants… And thank them for what they offer…
As I have done some volunteering work today, I must do the normal housework as
I have to think of a meal to cook which will keep to warm up. My Husband is in
at half five if the traffic is OK and Teen not till eight. So two meals. As for
me, to be honest, I wish I could never eat again. I’m so bored with cooking. My
Husband cooked dinner yesterday. He made a risotto. I must say, I used to love that,
but is so isn’t me right now. So there is a huge pan of it in the fridge teen
ate some before work and Hub said he wants some for dinner, so may cook some
fish with it, I can’t give teen that again, so will have to make him something else.
Fish and something. He is driving me mad with his eating. He went crazy today
because there were no eggs. Well, yes, because you have eaten them all. No
bacon, again, you ate it all. I didn’t order anymore this week because he is
eating bacon or eggs every morning and he tells me he eats healthy food? Really?
I know eggs fried with bacon are not good. And he is lecturing me on what to
eat. I’m fed up I’m fat, huge obese, morbidly obese, OK so I will die soon
because of my weight. So now what?
He is even
walking around with his IPhone with a guy talking at me. Yes, me, as it’s a
lecture on how to lose weight. So he is shouting the odds. So what do I do?
Say, yeah, I never knew that, tell you what? I will go and eat my sack of
carrots and bag of celery and get skinny, OK?
No, it
makes me want to cry and hate myself even more than I do all ready and that isn’t
good. I know what to eat, at least now he has stopped telling me I eat too
much. As every fat person eats too much right? Well at least his observations
have not been told lies and he sees I hardly eat anything. He sees too that I
may go to the treadmill, hate it come away feeling I have done the right thing
for others, as for me? I would rather have a coffee with a friend and laugh.
That to me makes me feel good, not putting myself through pain because that is
what the experts tell me to do.
He spent
two hours in the gym today before work and he can’t understand why I don’t want
to. Gosh, shall I write a list why I don’t want to do that? But I still do. I
will go there tonight to do the treadmill. And may be tomorrow, but no matter
if I do every single day, I will still be fat. It’s a fact. I have had every
blood test going. Doctors told me to do that to see why I’m fat. Guess what?
There is nothing wrong with me. So it’s me. Yep, I’m feeling the shame. Nothing
positive about being fat. We may look younger if we start off young looking, as
we won’t get wrinkles and most people who are fuller figured are more fun,
kinder too. That is my fact. So shall I become mean and lean? Well, may be in my next
life as my Husband told me this weekend, he doesn’t think I will ever be
thinner. Yet more confidents flying my way. My Hub doesn’t want me to be thin
far from it he says, just fit. Well that would be nice. So how to do this? Eat
nothing but carrots and drink only water. Go on the treadmill for at least two
hours per day and do this for the rest of my life. I will get into designer
clothes, look thin, look fit, feel better I’m sure, but let’s go for a meal? No,
I would be too embarrassed asking for a plate of carrots. Let’s go to the cinema?
And listen to the people eating goodies all around me? And mee doing a great
impression of Bugs Bunny in the fourth row. Smile.
I’m being flippant.
I know I need to lose weight but people telling me and asking me do I really
want that bag of crisps? Of course I bloody do, that is why I went to the
cupboard and opened a bag of crisps, what do they want me to say. No, naha, of
course I don’t want them, I went and got them for you? Today I had two slices
of toast not white bread either, with sliced tomatoes on. Whoop whoop. Then
tonight I will make some kind of food for myself and I can guarantee it will go
in the bin. As in truth, I have little appetite. My Son tells me I should eat
little and often. If I put any more food inside of me, I will have to walk
sideways through a door. Tonight, I won’t have supper, though since I started
not eating after seven in the evening, I have put on 8lbs in weight. Why? Not
sure. Dr just sits in silence when I told her. I’m seeing her again later on in
the week. God knows what will come out of that day, though she is a lovely lady
I like her a lot. I just feel like I am truly a hopeless case and the more
people lecture, the worse I feel and the worse I feel the more weight I seem to
put on.
I have no
energy. This may be because I am fat. Or it could be because I have a deficiency
in Vitamin B. Or I don’t sleep. Or I am bored stiff with looking at nothing.
And having to think constantly where I am going, who knows, maybe I need to
look at where I have my furniture and change the mirrors? Smile… My Feng Shui needs
looking at… At least I have a palm tree!
And finally
words before I go.
"The
Goddess of Fate clutched me in her hands and often threatened to smash me; but
the will grew stronger as the obstacles increased. The will triumphed."
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