Gosh, I’m in shock.
I have been up since half six this morning. Teen was out
till silly hour and I had to be up to receive something that I’m not sure about
through the post, well, delivery person.
So why am I in shock? I started to write. A book I want to
publish. Today only, and I have done house work too, honest… I have written
just under five thousand words and quite easily could duplicate that number and
with that book and my blog, I would guess I will write in total today about
eight thousand words.
It’s half two in the
afternoon. I’m starving though, two slices of toast for an 8 o clock breakfast
seems like an age away and all this writing made me hungry.
I have so far not prepared dinner tonight. How bad I am? It
will be fish veg and rice. Yack, double yack. But healthy for my Hub who is on
his fitness without flavour and teen who loves that kind of food. As for me,
really I don’t care what I eat. My head is all over the place the past few weeks.
I know what I should do one moment then I know I shouldn’t do that? See, I’m
not even making sense.
Some nice news is; Thursday is a biggy for me. A meeting
will take place. It sounds so serious though and to be honest, I’m not sure how
I should react in such a situation. It’s something I have wanted for a long
time, but now it’s here, I’m afraid.
Right now I feel as if I am losing control of my life
choices and chances. I am guiding people in the wrong direction. I hope it goes
away, I so need our holiday. It will be the first break we have had since just
over a year ago. Not even been away for a weekend. In fact, I don’t think we
have had a night out other than a restaurant in a year either.
I need some me time and sometime where we three can be
together without the pressures of life. I know my Sons job is coming to an
ending too. I do worry for him he said he was going to start looking for work
today. His chances of getting work is slim unless he turns up in person, but
sadly I can’t get him to do that. He says they just tell him to fill in the
correct forms, I know they do, but his personality will stay in their minds
just enough to get him an interview, otherwise he is a number. His application
forms are far better than the one I have
just written, but they are no better than those who have just left university.
They are on that level, but still, means they are all alike, where my Son is
different to the rest, or at least majority, is his appearance and his manner
in which he carries out a first opinion of himself.
My boy was shocked yesterday as he was at his friend’s
funeral that there was a lady there who’s daughter’s boyfriend reads my blogs…
Smile. If you are that lad, hello there. My Son didn’t understand how this was
possible. His friend pointed the lady out and told teen that her daughters bf
is a Blogget. Thing is, how did Teens friend know this? Hmm. I guess it could
have been spoken about the lead up to the funeral, but how would that conversation
start?
“I’m so sorry about the news of your Mum.””
“Thank you that is kind. By the way, my pal is coming to the
funeral, his Mum writes blogs, she is blind.””
“Is she by any chance Fiona Cummings?””
“Yes, that’s her.””
Never the less, the funeral was lovely Teen said, as far as
funerals go. All I know is, I am heartbroken for the kids and Husband who have
been left and as for their Mum? How on earth was she the lead up to her dying?
Knowing that she wasn’t going to see her children fully grow up, never see her Grandchildren?
Even her daughter’s exam results. She missed seeing them by a couple of months.
That poor little girl, seventeen, but still a little girl.
Teen was so anxious to go, he would be, it’s his first
funeral on his own kind of thing but when he got there, thankfully another pal
was there with his parents. Teen wasn’t expecting anyone he knew to be there.
Teen said it was so sad, he hurt for his friend, but afterwards everyone was
laughing?
No’o’oo’oo
Seriously, I don’t get funerals now days, is it a state of mind?
Relief it’s all over no more stress, close that door? I don’t know, but in my opinion,
how can there be respect if you are laughing, though of course that is exactly
what the poor lady would want. I just pray the family will be OK. It’s ridiculous,
but it has really affected me and I have thought so much about the family and the
lady so much it hurts.
One good news from the funeral, the lady who died wasn’t as
young as I first thought. I thought she would be about my age or younger, but
no, she was 57. Still too young to die.
Tomorrow Waggatail is off to the vet. Teen said he would
take me… I hope he will as Hub is at work and there is not a chance I am
crossing that road. Not the evil road. It’s a pain as the dogs have to have two
injections now with a month a part. For guide dog owners in the UK though, the vaccinations,
kennel cough is not recommended by Guide Dogs, though the vet will administrate
this if you don’t speak up. Heck, I hope I remember to say no?
My memory is scaring me. When I was looking up deficiencies
in Vitamin B, it was written that this is a side effect along with every single
other symptom you can imagine, and as I was reading, I’m ticking in my mind the
yes boxes.
Two weeks if not more no, three weeks on these pills now and
I don’t notice a difference other than I am sleeping slightly better, though to
look at me now, you would not imagine that.
Before I go, some quotes I wrote some time ago.
Cancer really scares me, but I’m so not disciplined enough
to deal with prevention.
Fiona Cummings
“If you take many small steps, you won’t fall.”
Fiona Cummings
“Don’t stand still and wait for someone to knock you over.”
Fiona Cummings
Later with love.
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