i THINK I LOVE YOU BY FIONA CUMMINGS

I THINK I LOVE YOU

BY FIONA CUMMINGS

 

I think I love you

How do I know my feelings are true

I’m not sure I can continue

As you treat me like dirt on your shoe

But as I close my eyes at night

It’s you I want by my side

Just to hold you tight

As without you tears I have cried

Would fill a well

Its pure hell

But then you call me on the phone

And I jump to your tune

To be kicked to the ground

Burst like a balloon

So dam deflated

Leaving me frustrated

Why would you do this

Can we make it up with a kiss?

If I buy you diamonds

And champagne with chocolates

Would you still throw me to the lions?

Hold me in confinement?

Should I read the signs and hear the sirens?

Walk away?

Or let bygones be bygones and stay

Should I listen to what others say?

But they tell me to leave

And then I will grieve

You pull at my sleeve

And keep me close

But you are the thorns on a rose

There are no blooms

There’s no room

For me in your world

Full of fortunes of gold

You treat me like your slave

Make me dig my own grave

Push me in

And kick soil in my face

You keep me on a whim

Breaking my every limb

Why don’t I just give in?

Walk away from you forever

Though we planned our lives together

What will people say?

I will look a fool

Though how can I hold my head up high now

With lines on my brow

Pain in my eyes

Keep giving you chances

How many times can I try?

Before I will say goodbye

What will you have to do to me?

To make me see

I’m so much better than you

I wish these words were true

But I’m in love with you

What do I now do?

Allow my wounds to heal

Tell myself this is not real

Or keep believing the cards have been dealt

And it’s my deal

Forget the pain I have felt

And let icicles form around my heart

Don’t care if we must part

I will wait for you

And love you like I did from the start

Let you come to me when you need a toy

When you WANT to feel love and joy

Then like a rag

You can throw me away

Pack your bag

And begin your new day

Leaving the past behind

Continuing to be unkind

Until I am so low to the ground

I don’t recognise myself anymore

Looking around

No one will know me

Walk through a closed door

I’ve been there before

Sitting on the floor  

I just don’t know what to do

You keep coming back for more

Your sinister smile

Fades after a while

Your hard stare

You really don’t care

So what am I doing here?

Is it fear?

Of the unknown

So is this why I jump when you phone?

Run when you click your fingers

And ache for your fragrance to linger

You touch my soul

But there is no flame

No coal

No spark anymore

It’s you I adore

But are you a habit?

Am I just a frightened rabbit?

I need to get some kind of help

Advice

Words of wisdom

Experience freedom

Once again taste spice

Feel warm

Be indoors when there’s a storm

Feel the sun through the window

And again a glow

No more goodbyes

Only hello

Just set me free

You don’t belong to me

But I can’t let you go

No matter how much you hurt you see

Because you are the world to me

A messenger delivering misery

I’m a prisoner who’s been given life

You hand me the rope

But then cut me down with a knife

You hold out your hand with a jar of pills

Then pull away like you are getting a thrill

You look sorry for me

In your eyes I see

Compassion

But like a seasonal fashion

You change

Show rage

A new act on the stage

A dramatic performance

Before your audience

But who is your puppet

My strings you pull

Make me out to be such a fool

Your life must be so dull

To get kicks from hurting others

And where will this get you

Apart from pained lovers

You will drive to madness

And you will never know happiness

How many victims

Do the sums

How can you sleep at night?

You don’t know wrong from right

You can’t see black and white

Your life is grey

You will wake one day

 So alone

No one will answer when you phone

 You won’t be able to walk

No dirty words left to talk

Only tears will be yours

They will be full of rust

If there is justice, this is a must

 

Copyright Fiona Cummings 2015