GOD'S GOODBYE CHANGE

Saying goodbye to our girls last night was difficult. I felt heartbroken for Hub. There were no words to say. We sat together just simply holding hands. This is the reality when parents break up and the kids suffer. But I pray that in time they will heel and know their family are now extended. If I had stayed with my ex and Hub with his, he and I would not be in a good place right now. In fact I’m not sure where we would be.

 

No fault of our children, just life. The moon whatever rules us. For we are an accident? Right. Whatever you believe. I know we are not. We are a game or someone’s chess pieces.  And we are winners or losers. Sometimes we win sometimes have to admit defeat.

 

Hub and I have won, as we have a life, but there have been huge sacrifices. Pain beyond belief. But if we are to win, we shall chip away at the carving to create a beautiful picture. The sun moon and stars, with doves on the top of the frame as though flying free.

 

I’m so please two things happened with the girls. One Hub got to the Cathedral and with his daughter and I stayed with the young one. It was special for the two of us and I hope in time the girls will know why this was to happen though none of it was planned.

 

We have wasted too much time without seeing them. Some years passed without communication. I’m only glad now we have a second chance. Our heads are in a better place now. I hope our hearts will follow. Like with my Brother and family. For so many years I felt so alone. So many hours days before I was reunited with my now Hub. Crying kneeling on the floor in absolute desperation. Putting on a false happiness. Acting and living a lie. My family have changed too; they are not the people I remember. They too have opened their hearts to life and thank God. I can’t express my gratitude. There is one negative calculating cunning egotistical error in our lives at the moment, but let’s hope that has been put there as a lesson? A lesson I hope shall be learned soon.

 

Other than that, I hope all is fixed now.

 

If there is a kind God and my dear friend is praying for that to happen, it will take, a giant eraser to remove the poisonous led from our life map.

 

My Sister in Law asked me the other day how we managed to house hunt. I told her it was a challenge. I have a friend who is blind and he is too going through big change in his life. I want to tell him, if I can do it, anyone can. Six years ago when I met with hub. I didn’t know how to use a computer in a manner in which I needed and I had never used a credit card before. My Husband gave me a card when we first were reunited after so many years. He was afraid for me and my Son. So he said I could use it he put money in if I needed somewhere to go. Oh my word, little did he know I didn’t have a clue what to do with it.  I was like a rabbit in the headlights. A country child in a busy city.

 

As I held it in my fingers trying not to put prints on in case it didn’t work when I returned it back unused to Hub, I put it away safe and prayed no one would find it until I could hand it back to its owner. How could I tell my now Hub I didn’t know what to do with it? He would run a mile? What had he met? I was so naive.

 

Thankfully I didn’t need it. Oh gosh, that was a bad time in my life. A sad time too. A man I had been with for over twenty years, we were over. But for the best. He was not good for me or my Son. As I am sure he will say same about me. I hope we can move on and after the last thing he did to me late last year, he will keep out of my life forever. I want to forget about him. I am glad he and teen are Ok now though he isn’t a good influence. I am sure my ex will know that deep down. But they have a relationship. This is the difference between my ex and my now Husband. My now Hub was and is a great Dad. Was an amazing Husband too. But people change and pieces go missing in a jigsaw. Our jigsaw is almost complete now. Just need the lid. Oh, and that Eraser.

 

I hope we see the girls again soon and I am seeing my family in three weeks and then it will be almost Easter. I hope we can visit them too. A summer I would have never thought possible a year ago.

 

So to my friend who thinks he can’t go on with the separation with his wife? I did it. We had no one to help. My Brother in law was really great at times but mainly we were on our own.

 

Together we did it. And so can he, as can you.

 

You just need to walk forward and imagine where you will be in a year from now, how will you feel? Will you be in the same place? Is that what you want? take a risk, go on. If it is a key for freedom and a better life for you, go for it. Run free and have an adventure. You never know what is around the corner.