Day 1
Well, after a few weeks of words from a friends Mum, my Son and today my Hub, I have been told well and truly that I’m overweight and have to do something about it. I’m sick of hearing that it has to be something I, want, who wants to be overweight? Is it that easy? If so we would all have perfect figures.
So, I have tried not eating crisps for weeks as that is a weakness of mine, I have about five bags per week they are about 18g bags sometimes 25g. My biggest killer is bread I have between four and six per day. If I have potatoes as in mash I can’t eat them without butter. I use a low-fat spread, but have to have it. So, I have tried to not eat dinners at nights so I avoided butter. I have cut out biscuits I would have about a dozen per week biscuits like digestives not like American biscuits, they are like a small cookie. So as for cakes, well apart from when my friend brings a homemade cake where I have two slices in that week she bakes, when my friend Artie brings me an individual cake that is about every two months, and if I go to a coffee shop, which is about once every five or six weeks, so what I’m saying is that is all bad food, but doesn’t justify the amount I weigh. So, the only way to go is have nothing to eat all day and just try to eat dinner. Now those who know me know I struggle eating at nights there are too many reasons for that, too many to go into detail, but if it means I don’t eat full meals at nights too, then surely, I will lose weight?
Normally I would come downstairs on a Saturday and really look forward to a breakfast of a cup of tea and four slices of toast with butter. Then nothing until dinner time tonight. Not today. Today nothing. So, I’m grumpy. My stomach feels as if it’s been cut. Hub told me to have cereal. Very nice, but A, I can’t stand cereal in the mornings and B, once I start to eat in the mornings only, I want more. He said I’m making excuses now. Well, is he making excuses when he says he can’t eat before work? He said if he ate breakfast before work, he would feel sick all day, so is he making excuses? How come it’s OK for him to say he doesn’t like something and not me? Cereal I enjoy for supper, but not first thing. So, some fruit salad? I would love that as long as I knew something warm and salty was to follow. So, a hopeless case. That’s me. The only way I can try to lose weight is the way I used to do it years ago, and that is to crash diet. I will lose weight but of course then put double back on, unless I live like this all my life? Who knows one day I may get used to living on a dish of salad every day, at least I should, lose weight and feel better eventually? I mean, right now, I don’t feel fit and healthy. So, Hub is right, I’m wrong and I have to deal with it the only way I can and that is to starve myself. So, in the meanwhile, I shall be a grumpy Fi and have to keep out of the kitchen all day, well, this should be interesting how my Hub will cope for snacks as when he is off work I feed him. That is what I would have thought early this morning as I was getting a rightly deserved lecture. Until ten minutes ago, when Hub was rattling dishes in the kitchen. Then the smell came my way. Oh no, how cruel? He has only cooked himself two bacon sandwiches and of course being a veggie, I can’t eat bacon, but still long for the taste of it and the smell has made me even more hungry and grumpy, as Hub too needs to lose weight just not as much as me. It’s OK him telling me to have cereal, so why didn’t he this morning and not wave the delightful fragrance under my nose? Not a happy Fi.
Hub says do something to keep my mind away from food? It’s not my mind at the moment that wants to be near food, it’s my stomach. It really feels as if it’s been cut. My ribs are burning, but hey, it’s only day one. I guess I’m in shock as Hub has never really been bothered about me being overweight, he said his ex-wife was really too skinny and he didn’t find it attractive, but now he is saying he is worried about my health. As am I.
Yours truly
Fed up fat Fi
Fi’s fat file day two
I woke up this morning not wanting to kill someone. I was calm, but didn’t have that comforting smile on my face thinking of the prospect of breakfast. Instead, I ironed. There was something about the steam from the iron and the awful smell from the ironing water that even made me hungry, seriously, what is wrong with me?
My stomach didn’t feel as if it was cut, from past experiences, the first couple of days is difficult but then you are OK, but then you dip and then you either crack open a bag of crisps or you continue being strong. I haven’t yet been strong.
I have been grateful to my lovely Bloggets who have offered me some good advice about not starving myself. I’m just trying for now to not eat bread at all and no crisps or food after six in the evening. Apart from a dish of cereal. No sugar so hopefully it’s OK but to go to bed with nothing will make my little sleep less.
Day two is better than half a day and that is all I have managed over the past few years. I went on the treadmill again today as well. I don’t run, I care too much about the foundations in our house.
If you are starting some kind of regime too, please let me know and see if we can do this together?
I want to live to see. Literally to see. How long it will take and will it be in my life time? Well if I continue to inflate, I will die early or not be healthy enough to benefit from the freedom of sight. Hub said if I die, he will follow, charming, no pressure love?
Boy Wonder of course is telling me that I’m not doing enough exercise, well I can’t be pushed. If I am pushed, I will fall. Day by day, who knows, by Wednesday, I may be writing to tell you that I have failed again? I really hope not, if I do, I have no hope.
Food just doesn’t turn me on at all. Sandwiches crisps chocolate I can eat until the cows come home, but cooked food? Naah! So, you can imagine how difficult it is to eat healthy. Well I have had two bananas today and loads of salad. But I had custard and some chips too with a veggie burger without the bread of course. No crisps cake or biscuits. Yesterday I worked out I had about 1200 calories less than I normally would, even if I have a thousand less per day, that is a lot in a week? I have had the worst head ache all day I should go and get a big glass of water? Urr’rr’rrgg.
I wish I was good at this, but I’m not, I know what to do, I have been on more diets over the years than a new Mother and ate as healthy as a fitness instructor and crash dieted like a super model.
But as the years added onto me the way of life has changed, my mind has developed bad habits and I can tell you, this is tough.
It’s seven in the evening, please let me get till midnight without failing?
Yours truly
Anxious fat Fi. X
Day 3
Hello and welcome to day three of my fat file. Smile. A lovely lady, friend and Blogget told me that she is also fluffy and also is trying to lose weight. Fluffy? Haha. It’s cute, but does this mean we are hairy?
Last night before bed I would normally have cereal but I had the remains of the dish of salad instead and that got me through half of the night. About 3. a m my stomach started to talk with me. It was not like on day one as if a hormonal lady going through the menopause, more like a toddler showing signs of the terrible twos. Throwing a wobbler as I say.
Like a calm Mum, I spoke to it and had a chewing gum. Haha, normally it would be some chocolates from Christmas, see, I don’t binge eat otherwise they would be long gone. But they are still there on my bedside table. Gosh, what had come over me? Blogget power perhaps? But moreover, about nine in the evening yesterday, I received a text, from my Sons bedroom, seriously we live in a normal sized house, but he texts to ask the fatal question.
“Mum, are you hungry? We are going to get an Indian take away.””
Oh my. It was not words I had to say, so perhaps that made it easier? But only a reply by text, saying no thanks for me. But then when he came downstairs, he said he was going to get a curry and said the dreaded words.
(POPPADOMS)
Gosh I love them so much. Did you know they were made with a flour called Urid flour?
Now those of you who are using a screen reader will have to do a double take on the word Urid, I did. But that may be my age and not hearing. Haha. I thought it read urine. No, there is a d on the end.
On his return, I thought the smell would kill me. But there was none. He kindly left the empty paper bag on my kitchen worktop so I hurriedly took it outside and put it in the bin. I guess at least they put their dishes in the dish washer… Boy wonder told me how delicious it was, don’t people get trying not to eat? I smiled showed interest that they enjoyed their supper and bit my bottom lip, the restaurant was called zero spice. Haha, may be that is why I didn’t smell anything? Because there were no spices in their food? Why would you call your Indian restaurant that? Just thought of a really funny name for an Indian Restaurant, now if anyone pinches my idea, I expect nothing less than a supply of free Poppadoms please for at least a year… See what you think of this name?
(SPICEY MAMMA)
What do you think? Hahaha.
I resisted. Gosh, what has come over me? But still that was only day two, but one and a half more than I normally do. This is day three. It’s only mid-day, I have a long way to go before I reach the pumpkin hour. I’m on my own and that may be more challenging, but having said that, apart from Boy Wonders lunch that is cooked waiting for him, there won’t be any nice home cooked foods until I prepare dinner and I can easily resist dinners, though of course I will eat tonight, I just don’t know what? I have no desire to taste anything I cook. Haha. My family enjoy my cooking so it will be done with love, but me? I so love convenient food out of a bag or pack. And that is what I’m having to not buy and replace with salads and noodles. Noodles? Yep, that has been my lunch for the past three days. 460 calories but better than four slices of bread, butter with something on, right? Please say yes? When I eat sandwiches I’m still starving and going along with sandwiches, I have most times, not always a bag of crisps. But we have them from last week’s shopping in the cupboard and I have not even weakened to them.
I know I have turnip and sprouts to go with tonight’s dinner. Not a chance I can eat turnip without butter, but again, I’m not good at all at dieting, I just want to be a day prisoner, not in the jail full time. I will have a tiny amount of potatoes if any, I can do without them to be honest. As for sprouts? Urg, I hate them, I shall eat them as always for health benefits, but to me they are like swallowing an eyeball.
So, in short, this morning I woke up actually feeling good. I think I’m over the pain factor, already? Seams too good to be true and as I have said many many years ago, when I was good at this rubbish, I used to do a month at a time, but for years and years now, it’s been half a day.
When I was able to do a month, I dipped in and out of pain. Gosh I hope this time Mother nature is good and I continue as something drastic has to be done. My body cries every day in so much pain. I move like someone in their late eighties and I’m forties. But more so, my chest is wheezing like a heavy smoker. But I also blame the area we live. We are a city and my delicate lungs are not used to this muck.
I hope if you are joining me to try to get healthier, you too have got to day three or more? If you have had a weak moment, start again.
My inner voice says take control of your body and don’t allow your body to take control of you. Easier said than done, but hour by hour. I know I can fall at any moment and again I very much doubt by Friday, I will be sitting here writing my fat files. Gosh I pray I will be though. I know I’m going out I hope with my friend this week and it will I hope involve a coffee shop, but if I do that I won’t punish myself and I will eat some lovely food, but I won’t have many calories for dinner that night.
Well yours truly
Getting over the grumpy Fi
Day 4
I wrote about day three half way through my day yesterday, I was pleased with myself because I woke up without the pain of hunger, but then a fatal thing happened and I had the most enormous weakness. My Son kindly brought me a cake. Chocolate. So, in answer to some of your questions whether I have support from my family? Smile. I should have said no, but it was thick chocolate and a gift. Oh gosh, I really felt so bad eating it, that I didn’t have potatoes for dinner that night. Just two disgusting sprouts, as I said, it was like swallowing eyeballs. Not that I have any experience of eating eyeballs, but one can imagine! I had turnip, and yes with butter also parsnips and two large Yorkshire puddings. Dietitians would disown me right there. But I’m not on a diet, I hate the D word. I did them many years ago, and they don’t work for me at all.
I have a theory I always refer to our bodies as cars and cars require different petrol/gas/diesel oils and so on at different times of their lives. So why should we run on the same stuff? I’m sure my downfall is bread, so that is why I have not had any since Saturday.
Today, I will break my duck in a nice way. Poor duck. Smile. Basically, it’s a dreadful saying we have and it has nothing to do with the quacking kind, but to do with cricket. It’s a batsman’s dismissal for a score of 0, therefore when one breaks one’s duck, they have scored over zero It’s an English idiom meaning to do something you haven’t done for a long time. Okay, it’s only day four, but it seems like at least day seven….
Last night’s dinner and cake didn’t resort to a good evening. Gosh I was starving all night. So, salad fills me more than vegetables. Hub told me I was like a druggy coming off something. I really feel as if I’m going through cold turkey. I believe that saying comes from the US. Some say it means to talk directly, to stop something abruptly.
Last night I feared the outcome. Our shopping came, bags of salads. Haha, Hub put the fridge stuff away, it was so funny, I told him I was going to eat healthier, so be it. Gosh, I will look like a rabbit when I’m done. Last night salad wasn’t on my mind, but toast was, hot toast with melting butter. MMMMMmmmmmmmMMMMMmmm
But can you believe it, I declined.
I ate fruit to compensate for my mistakes through that day. What is it they say? A moment on the lips a lifetime on the hips?
So, that was yesterday, today is today. Another day when I must try to end the day better than my start as I’m out for lunch with my lovely friend. See how I get on.
My friend and Blogget bless her, has been trying to lose some weight and has gained 2lbs. There is nothing worse than doing well and that happening. And the other night before bed, she ate a apple, so how good was that? I haven’t spoken to her yet but I will do to see what she is doing differently. I know if I have a slice of toast in the morning with beans or eggs on, and some fruit, then a small lunch then small dinner, I will be hungry all day and I know with past experience, I will go up and up like a balloon, this is why diets don’t work for me. This is why I’m trying to cut out the thing that makes me sluggish, bread. If I feel sluggish, I will not want to move and moving really works to lose weight. My mind is saying I feel bloated and my mind then talks to my body. I do believe that weight loss has to do with something to do with our mental health.
Right now, I’m going mental to get healthy. Haha. I dare not get on the scales. I will in a couple of days, that will be six days since I cut out bread. If the lady trapped inside of my talking scales tells me A, to stop having a laugh
B say, I can’t count that many numbers or C, I have gained weight, I would be devastated, I hope the least they will say is that I have stayed the same. Even if I have lost 1lb, that would be four per month and it’s better than putting four on per month. This is why I don’t want to diet because if I do, I really would suffer, but as it is, I’m not suffering. Going back to what I said about your mind talking to your body, if your mind is starved of delights, it surely will sulk with your body and if your mind and body don’t communicate, then what chance will we have?
Who knows may be what I’m trying to do will be a complete waste of time but I have tried everything in my life this is the last resort.
So, day four, I got this far, I hope I get to bedtime and can put my head on my pillow and feel proud though I will have had bread today, I shall not eat a meal other than some salad for my evening meal and I won’t have had crisps or biscuits. Mind you, there is the coffee shop coming up…
However well you are doing today, I hope it’s in the right direction.
The thing is with my friend, she has put 2 lbs on so if she is like me and says stuff it now, then where is there to go? When that happens to me, I get really cross and rebel and eat more. By doing that, before I know it, I’m 7lbs overweight then a stone. 2lbs is retrievable. Don’t get angry, get even.
Please let me get over day four and make day five even better? Then day six and that is when I’m going to weigh myself. As it is now, I don’t feel hungry during the day, I’m not waking up in the mornings starving, it’s evenings and during the night I have a problem. Stay strong and try to carry on, just hour by hour as hours make a day.
I end this blog on some quotes
Fall down seven times, stand up eight.
And I love this one from George Eliot
It is never too late to be who you might have been.
So, if you have had a weak day today, show yourself just how strong you can be and take over, mind over matter, tell your mind that your health matters. And that person you really want to be, is there for you to own. X
Day 5
Well, yesterday I was delighted when it came to bedtime. I had no breakfast just some grapes and went out for lunch. I knew I would be naughty at lunch time, but being naughty is all I am good at. So, there you go… My favourite coffee shop was closed getting refurbished so it was a pub for me and my friend. Homemade chips and delicious sandwiches with salad. Then a coffee and a flap jack. I must say, I doubt the flap jack was very calorific as it wasn’t the best. Tasted as if gluten free. So, in other words, no taste. But the company and laughter made up for that and the coffee was lovely.
I returned home buzzing with good company feeling full with laughter. Hub had been working from home, I really thought he would have started to make the dinner, at least got something out of the freezer. Haha. Nope, he said he had not stopped writing and phone calls. I must say when I left him, he had been working hard since eight that morning. Boy wonder had been in an hour, not sure how he even survived, but thankfully he decided to go and have a sleep whilst I hurried and cooked sausage and chips. I had nothing at all. I wasn’t hungry so why eat?
Eight in the evening came, I still wasn’t at all wanting food, this was odd. One meal that day? I ate some nuts though, just for vitamin K. Something vegetarians need. Then by half eleven I still had no pain or desire for food, so I knew if I went to bed with nothing, I would be ill during the night and it would be hell for me. So, I ate two pears.
I woke this morning feeling fine, it was a strange evening as boy wonder didn’t get in until almost one this morning, even though he was up for work at half five. Hub was up at four this morning. He had a train to catch and it was a train that requires loads of changes. Three and a half hours each way he would be in transit. He won’t be home until almost nine tonight.
I came downstairs at quarter to nine and saw the kitchen was full of dishes. The dish washer had been on, so needed emptying. I did that then filled it again. Cleaned the work tops in the kitchen and did doggy duty. Then I was ready for a cup of tea. I have an angry feeling today, it wasn’t helped by a cross Son returning home for lunch. I knew had his lunch to do so ate a pack of six, yes, six, see, I can’t do two. Six tiny pastries of cheese and spinach. They are the size of four thumb nails put together. I felt rubbish afterwards as in calories, they were as many as the four toasts I have removed from my daily food, apart from yesterday’s sandwich. Which I don’t regret because I’m not on a diet, I’m trying to cut out food and not eat suppers.
I made a huge dish of salad and spoke to myself about what to make for dinner tonight, as boy wonder is home with our girly and much later Hub. So, for tonight’s dinner, I shall just have a huge salad. Then hopefully, I can go all night with perhaps some cereal before bed, or fruit. Though the acid of yesterday’s fruit on an empty stomach didn’t feel happy as I put my head upon my pillow.
If I can do the salad only, again no bread today or potatoes and another day without crisps. It will be hard this weekend as we are seeing our friend and a meal or two will be involved. This scares me witless, but let’s see what happens. This is the thing, you feel a party pooper. Eating for me is something you do as a group. It’s like people think we are odd because we don’t drink though Hub will be a bit this weekend as again, feels as if he should because our friend likes to. But I shall let him take that responsibility and I shall just be the company my friend comes to see. I hope… Could be Hubs good looks. Smile. She did tell me when I introduced her to him eight years ago, that she thought he was really handsome… haha.
My friend who put 2lbs on went out for two meals, so I said I would have put on 2 stone if I had done that.
My Son came home for lunch and it was a stressful one. Words were said that didn’t make me feel positive I was on a roll too. It was my own fault. I suggested that he was eating too many take away. His girlfriend lives on them and sadly he does too now, but I should shut my mouth and as long as he out lives me, so be it. Shame of his children though. I told him what I was cooking for dinner tonight he told me Shamrock was also bringing him food. Last night he ate with Hub and then went to Shamrocks for round two. Hahaha. It’s not blooming fair, if I were to eat like him, can you imagine?
So, what I was saying yesterday about the mind and mind over matter? Today isn’t a good one. So now I’m going to get active with housework and then may pop out with Waggatail.
Do I feel any thinner? At nights, I do. But tomorrow, day 6, if I get there, is the big weigh in. Let’s see. As long as I haven’t put on weight, as that is always what has happened in the past when I have gone on proper diets.
Motivational quotes for today?
“It is better to take many small steps in the right direction than to make a great leap forward only to stumble backward.” ~Old Chinese Proverb
“The man who removes a mountain begins by carrying away small stones.” ~William Faulkner
“You will never change your life until you change something you do daily.” ~Mike Murdock
“Believe while others are doubting.” ~William Arthur Ward
How are you all doing? I hope you are happy? Let’s see if I get this day over with.
Yours truly
Hesitant Fi
Day 6
Well, if you read my blog later, not my fat file, but my Diary, you will laugh your gym shorts off. Let’s just say, the slim Gods were working hard last night and the outcome was hilarious.
I went to bed last night on an apple. Well, actually on a bed, but I ate an apple! During the day, I ate salad for dinner with gnocchi. More of that than I wished for as boy wonder served it as I spoke with Shamrock. Oh, my seriously, you will have to read my Diary blog later about our night, every time I think of Shamrock, Boy Wonders girlfriend, I laugh. Last night was crazy, anyway, back to yesterday. Lunch I ate some small pastries so that wasn’t good, but no bread, no crisps.
Today? Hmm. Today was a bad one so far and we are only up to lunch time. I had the other pack of the pastries. If you know what a sausage role is from the bakers, it is the equivalent of two of those. But with cheese and spinach. So, no good with the pastry, but then I did a sin. My first slip. I opened a large bag of crisps/potato chips. I ate half of the bag. I hate myself for that but have to tell myself at least it has been done in the morning and not the evening and for dinner tonight, I will have only salad. I haven’t craved for toast yesterday or today or bread at all. I can’t believe that. If I had not have bought the pastries in, or the crisps, then they wouldn’t be here for me to eat. Sometimes if there is nothing but salad though or cold fruit, then that is when I will turn to bread and bread is what I really feel like I need to give up.
But here we are on day 6 and my first bad moment. And as I said a moment on the lips a lifetime on the hips, but I ate them quickly, so hopefully it was less than a moment. Smile. No cake apart from one my Son brought me it was a cup cake and he brought me another that went in the bin. I felt bad but he knows I’m trying to cut out on those kinds of things and it’s all about life change I guess.
Because of yesterday I’m not weighing myself today but will have to do it tomorrow as we are meeting up with our friend this weekend for a meal or two and though I will try to eat as best as you can as a vegetarian when out, it will still be more than what I have been having at home. I won’t be having dessert, that is for sure.
How do I feel physically? To be honest? I have more energy. When I say more, I mean more than I had which was none at all. So, if the most energetic person feels 10, and the least those who just want to sit in a chair all day is 1, I was a 3, because I had to get up from my comfort and do housework and cook for my family but I say 3 because I did get up, my mind and body would say 2.
Now? I would give my score an energy total of 4 and to me this is what this is all about. I haven’t done a week yet, and I’m up to a four and I think this is how I am going to have to face reality it’s a life style that has to be for life. I’m not the young girl who can crash diet and loss weight fast or cut out and loss lbs, my fluff as my American friends say is comfortable and will take some moving. Thing is, my joints are not comfortable, my bones ache. My stomach is more free now since I have stopped eating bread. And my breathing is slightly better, gosh, I sound a right one, don’t I?
Friends who only know me by photograph, say I look lovely, pretty and not overweight at all. Not sure what photo shoot I used but must look their number up hahaha.
Interestingly enough, I’m not at all tired of salads. I have been buying the ready-made ones and adding cucumber, tomatoes, celery onions and beetroot. You may ask what the heck was or is, in the made salads? Well different kinds of leaves and carrots with thinly cut white cabbage. Oh, sweetcorn too. Which reminds me, I must cook the baby corn that is in our fridge tonight. I think I will make fish for the family and that will go with the salad I shall have and they can have new potatoes with herbs. I’m very very happy that I have only had one potatoes this week, a baked one and one naughty portion of chips when I had a cheeky lunch with my friend. Bread and potatoes are my main diet and I was having four slices of bread for breakfast, sometimes some for dinner and sometimes for supper so in total I could have up to eight slices per day. I was having five bags of crisps per week 18g per bag and some kind of chocolate biscuit of some homemade cake in a week. So, in comparison, really not to beat myself too much, I have done well. I’m not saying anything to my friend this weekend and see if she notices, because I used to say she ate like a fly and she does. She can go all day on one slice of toast for breakfast and a tiny lunch with half a dinner in the evenings. But, she drinks a lot if I did, I can’t imagine how heavy I would be. My friend is lovely and slim, very tall too, thankfully I’m tall, God help me more if I were shorter. They could role me like a cheese.
Some quotes.
“It’s not the mistakes in life that are important; it’s what we learn from them.” ~Donna Guthrie
“Obstacles don’t have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don’t turn around and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it.” ~Michael Jordan
“If you start to drowned, learn to swim”
Fiona Cummings
Yours truly
Sinful Fi
Day 7
Will I, do it? Well firstly I can’t believe I have got to this day. I have lost a huge, hmm, not, 1 and a quarter lb. So, nothing really, but, I have not gained a single bit of weight. I haven’t exorcized and I feel better in myself, something that I have been able to do and stick to it. Okay, it’s only a week, in days, but heading in the right direction. The tortoise will get there in the end but the impatient butterfly won’t because they are too busy flittering from flower to flower. Thank you for all of your support and I really hope you can try with me I’m still going to do this let’s see how this weekend goes, I’m waiting for my friend and food will be involved so let’s see how I cope? I feel so pleased though and each night rather than feel a failure in life, I felt proud and that is worth the pain and it has been painful I’m not going to lie.
I will let you know more when my friend leaves for London. Some quotes before I go and if you have got over day one, wow, well done.
“A strong positive attitude will create more miracles than any wonder drug.” ~Patricia Neal
“It is better to take many small steps in the right direction than to make a great leap forward only to stumble backward.” ~Old Chinese Proverb
“There are two primary choices in life: to accept conditions as they exist, or accept the responsibility for changing them.” ~Dr. Denis Waitley
Yours truly
Shocked Fi
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