Gosh where to begin with this blog? Well, if you have been reading my fat files, you will know I’m trying to cut down on certain foods. If you haven’t been reading them, you will find them on my blog page if you are interested. I’m telling you this because there is a connection with my shocking evening I had with the family last night.
So, I was doing so well, no supper again and Hub and I were watching the TV. All kids were upstairs and our dogs were sleeping in their beds. It was after ten in the evening. Our doorbell rang, Could it be the Police? no thank goodness all were in the house, so I knew they were all OK and it couldn’t be them, right? Or could it? I was scared. I don’t like answering the door in the evenings. Hub got up to answer I told him I would get it, as to be honest, I think I’m more capable to fight off baddies than my Hub, having said that, I still have moments when I think I’m that black belt in karate. Climbing up the stairs only reminds me I’m not.
We still don’t have the electrics sorted out in our hall way it’s a big and expensive job and to be honest, lights don’t really bother us. Haha. As for the sighted ones, well they have to just get on with it…
I opened the door with my right foot ready in case the door was going to be pushed open, you know, the right foot which has attached, just, my right leg which had kind of got attached my dodgy knee? The knee that hurts, but is miles better thanks to the oil I’m using. Until one of our dogs knock into me then the man on the moon will hear me.
There was no sound, just some kind of rustling. I smiled, looking gormless I’m sure. I waited for him to talk, no, it wasn’t happening. I said hello? He made some kind of communication. Okay, was this the time, the time when the Martians had arrived? Was it time to talk in strange high pitched signals?
I asked him what did he want? How did I know it was a he? Because the strange sounds he was making was a man’s voice, a scary old man’s sounds.
I don’t know why, but I presumed that he didn’t speak English, so I rightly or wrongly presumed that he was from a take away? Indian restaurant? As the Pizza guys are normally Polish and they can say hello at least? I asked him if he was a take away, he grunted something that lead me to believe he was? I put my hands out to take the parcel my Son had obviously ordered from Hotel Blogget in his room, obviously, I was his maid a would carry it to him?
Then the man made more sounds and I had to tell him because he wasn’t given me any more signs to where the food was, that I was blind, pointing to my eyes. He then started to tap towards my left. My lovely wooden cabinet that my fantastic joiner had made us, was playing host to a bag of food for Boy Wonder. I was frantically shouting on my boy to come and pay the man. The man said in broken English, paid for. So, I locked the door. I picked the bag from the cabinet and brought it through.
Shamrock came in the kitchen and told us that they had not ordered any food? I went red. I was mortified. In fact, my morti has never been so fied.
Well, I exclaimed. We are going to have to try to trace the company and tell them they have made a mistake? Hub went to the front door but the man had gone.
The bag of food was huge, Boy Wonder came running down the stairs and said he wasn’t hungry. Em, hello, I’m on a diet, and it would be meat any way, but firstly we will try to find who it should belong to because it could just be next door then we can take it to them. My Son who has been brought up to be an honest person, who has been known in the past to hand in IPhones, and money to the police or staff, if found in a shop, my honest son started to take out a glass from the cupboard as Hub presented him with what else was in our hall. A full huge bottle of Pepsi.
I told BW off. “Do not open that bottle, it’s not ours” Shamrock also shouted at BW BW’s answer was. “Hmmm. Stolen coke tastes much nicer.””
Shamrock. “Do not drink that or pay for it?”” She continued whilst hitting him, Haha, remember she is minuscule. I found a bit of paper. It was the receipt saying the order was £25 and had all the contact details on and a mobile number on it. I said to Shamrock we should call the number and let them know they can call the take away and send the driver back. She did, by this point I found the Poppadoms and all morels went with Boy Wonder as I took some plates out of the cupboard. Sham spoke to a man and I said to tell him to phone the place and get a new order out when I heard that his address was miles away, we shared the same door number and our street started with the same letter, but seriously, that was the only similarity.
I said as Shamrock closed her phone, that they shouldn’t collect from us and give to the people any way, as it’s not hygienic. BW was enjoying his coke, Shamrock was still shouting at him, she sounds so funny as she screams her Irish charm. Hahaha. She is like a little fire ball. Hub in his dressing gown as he had a bath when he came in as he had a fifteen hour day and was shattered. He said he was going to bed. I told him we had our show to finish watching. He said, no way, the man was on his way back. I picked up the coke and bag to take to the door Hub was ashamed. Why? Because of the coke, I guess? Anyway, no one was there, so I said to Shamrock as Hub was upstairs as was our Son. What is in the bag? She said she couldn’t understand the writing, hahaha. I didn’t care by this point my poppadoms were going on my plate, well as I took them from the bag, they crushed…. What a mess? Oh well, never mind, easier to eat. Though it would have been a real sin…
She said there were some boxes of food. I put my hand in the goody bag as we were like children at a party with a lucky bag.
“Oo, here are the sauces more of them, so many poppadoms, come on Shamrock, help yourself.” So, we were the most moral at the start and then things had changed. Well we found chips, I tried one, just one, not too good thankfully for my cutting down. She opened a tray of food said it was chicken. Well Hub had not long had his dinner so he didn’t want it. She was full, as was boy wonder. No one else was in the house apart from our dogs and that wouldn’t be a good idea, then, the doorbell went again. Oh, my God… He’s back? What to do? There was food all over the kitchen. Half a bottle of coke. Surely, he wasn’t going to take the food half an hour’s drive away and food that had been delivered to someone else’s house?
I shouted to Shamrock as her and Hub were looking out of the bedroom window laughing whispering he’s at the door, he’s at the door. I almost died. Come and help me you lot, help me to find the food? Hahaha. Well it was everywhere, I found a tub but where were the rest of the sauces? Oh, one flew on the floor. I picked it up, by this time, our Little Fella was barking the house down whilst climbing on the windowsill. He rang and rang. Shamrock, come and help me I can’t find the chips? No, she shouted, I’m not facing him…
Hub, come and help, nope. He kindly replied, this is your baby.
Heck, shoving the poppadoms back in the bag, hahaha, they were in a right state. Where was the bread that came? Sham, come and find the food. By now getting a little tense as the man was ringing again and now tapping rather loudly on the lounge window that looks right into our kitchen. All the lights were on giving a good show of me running around the kitchen, picking the tub of sauce off the floor.
Well, in my hurry, the bag torn. I took the food to the door. He took it from me. Then as he walked away, he returned on his heels. Oh no, die with shame but a huge smile upon my face.
Suddenly the man’s blooming English improved… “All, it, here?””
Oh, yes, I replied, I think so. hahaha.
Door closed, well, no, can you imagine this, the front door wouldn’t close, heck, what was stopping it? The man? It wouldn’t be the first time I have jammed a man in my front door… Some old Bloggets will recall the story about when we were selling our house and I jammed a Jamaican man in my door.
No, it was the door mat…
Oh, he was gone, they all came down stairs then, didn’t they, well Shamrock started to really chuckle, she has the best laugh. She said you have left the chips out? Oh no, I died, then she found two out of four of the tubs of sauces. Well, her and I laughed so much our stomachs were killing. But seriously, I have kept the menu and I shall learn to remember the name of the place, never will I order from them, apart from they will do something to our food, or deliver it to another address and re-collect it, but they will charge us double as there is no way that poor man would be happy with his order, if you could have seen the bag? As for the smashed up poppadoms? The missing sauces and the chips that were on our kitchen work top? They went in the bin, the kids didn’t want them as I am trying not to eat I was proud of myself not eating them but ashamed of how Shamrock and I were so adamant that we were going to contact the person to tell him and were cross with Boy Wonder that he was drinking their coke, but then started to dish up the food. Hahaha.
Her and I did laugh as hub remained his sensible self and Boy Wonder was like a grumpy old bear saying he was tired, he needed to sleep… Well, he found the blooming energy to come down and pour the coke, didn’t he?
So I am, the man of the house…. Smile.x
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