Good evening Bloggets. It’s late and this is the first time I have been able to get my hands on the lap top today. Waggatail and I had to go out today, thankfully it was a lovely morning, the sun was shining and the wonderful wagging one weaved her way around people, plant pots, pillars, cars and whatever stupid shop signs that were sticking out just to test my dog’s ability to manoeuvre me around them and she did, though as it was busy today, I did feel rather sick with the ins and outs of it all.
Well, that was written last night and today is today. That shows what kind of day I had leading into the night. I didn’t even get chance to write a blog. Today is still sunny, mild but very windy, I have just had to rescue my lid of my dog box which was floating around my back garden and thankfully the wind blew just at the right time so I could hear it tapping along the path. It’s back on the box and a huge bag of soil or compost perhaps something, is on top of the thing now weighing it down.
Shamrock came around last night so we got chatting just as we were watching our program but we record it so we can see the ending tonight. Sham is always a jolly little soul to talk with. They had been out for a meal. Gosh I remember when I was 16. I had split up with someone I was very much in love with. I wasn’t a typical 16 year old having to grow up very fast in my life, I felt as if I had lived three lives already! But at the end of the day, I was sixteen, and signs of that did come through, especially the way in which I handled the breakup of my boyfriend.
I have written before about him. I met him when I was just thirteen, an yet he didn’t come into my heart until I was fourteen. I didn’t even recall seeing him the year before. He remembered me, but said because I didn’t even make eye contact, he best leaves it alone. Well, I for sure made eye contact this time. It was my Mum who said there is a very handsome young man looking at me and smiling. I turned around to see the most exquisitely good looking person I had and have, ever seen in my life.
It went beyond good features though. Our hearts connected through the vestals of our eyes.
Then again, my age or immaturity showed as I stud up. Why? Not sure, but it prompted him to come over to me and introduce himself to me. I was speechless. Red I’m sure by the absolute manner in which I composed myself. As I have said before, I’m so not cool. But he agreed that I wasn’t cool, in fact the opposite he thought I was positively hot, smile. Long and short of it, we fell in deep love. I would be with him forever. He was eighteen. Gosh, I couldn’t tell him of my age, overnight I became 16. I begged my Mum not to say anything about my real age. She complied and a lie was born!
If I ever get to write my autobiography, I shall let you know the shocking story which followed that meeting, but for two years we were together, kind of. When we broke up, I couldn’t handle it. Especially as he proposed just six month before. Saying that when I was older, he would marry me and we would live a very beautiful life. But that was not meant to be. But on our break, up, I was in a difficult situation personally and had to get out of my space, away from my head. I just dated any good looking guy who asked me out. At one point, shamefully I dated five men at once but before you go all moral on me, I didn’t sleep with them. Anyhow, after a while I settled down to just two of them and oddly, they were not as handsome as the ones I teased just more normal. We went out for dinner, I was so embarrassed as one time I went for dinner on the Tuesday night with one boyfriend, then Wednesday afternoon the same restaurant with another and Saturday night I went to the same place again, with a friend who happened to be a man. And that was a funny story, because when my friend visited the little boys room, a man came and introduced himself to me. He was the restaurants accountant. Well, he was an accountant for many business’s but was working with the place I was in. He was also having a meal, I would guess, a perk of the job. Any way, he gave me his card with his name and number asking me to call him. I never did and I have no regrets about that. But where I was in life, I had really enough of men by this point. I wanted a break. My Mum thought I was having a nervous breakdown and her reactions were well, not good. I sunk into the deepest of depressions yearning for my love to at least tell me why he felt the need to end our relationship?
My heart was shattered. My almost seventeen years on earth were far from the best and I decided to be driven in life and go where I was told. My ex Husband was sent to me to care for my parents, as I have said before, he was the best Son in law. My parents loved him. I can tell you now, I believed my life was over. I had no care for myself or my future. I existed. I was a good wife to my ex, cooked for him cleaned his house and did whatever he asked. All I asked in return was to have a lovely home in a good area. I’m sure he hates me for that, as he was quite happy in the council house we first lived in. But my house was my prison, and to me I needed at least a pleasant place to perform my duties of a wife.
Going back to how I started this story, apart from the time when I had restaurant gate, smile, to go out to a restaurant wasn’t the norm. To kids these days, well, my Son, as he is an exception, to spend a hundred pounds for a meal is nothing. Certainly, my Husband and I couldn’t do that as much as those two do now.
Talking of boy wonder, he is due in for his lunch soon, he has had a few mornings starting at half six so is really tired. He has the day off tomorrow though and is meeting with his friend, guess where? For a meal, but then they are going on to train at the gym. Hopefully not immediately after a meal? He is a relatively new pal, so here’s hoping a new friendship as he needs to branch out as all of his friend’s drink that is their only form of entertainment and Teen has a much wider expectation on life. Thankfully.
Shamrock isn’t the sporty kind of gal so he needs to make a friend who is, to get rid of stress or any kind of boredom he may have. It’s odd but when my Son is happy, I’m happy. When he is upset in any kind of way, it probably affects me more than it does him!
Since starting this blog, my Son has been in for lunch. Sitting eating his food, he began to tell me how he was talking to his bestie the other day and saying just how worried he was about my health…. Oh boy, nice. I asked what did he mean? He replied he was really worried sick about my weight. He is scared he is going to lose me. I really don’t want him to feel like this, I knew what it was like to worry about parents. Mine I would lay awake at boarding school so upset thinking they are going to die, but with me, it was their age. Looking back, my Mum smoked like a chimney and she was hugely overweight. but it was her age I worried about.
Now I’m sitting here feeling like rubbish. With some people, it would inspire them to get up and exercise. Me, sadly the opposite. I’m a born quitter.
The program we were watching last night was about celebrities who are looking to retire and India is their place of choice. It’s a great show, I have written before about how much I love anything to do with India. The people, culture and country fascinates me. I love people watching, I really like to get into other people’s minds and learn how they tick. This program is a good study into that.
Well I shall go and chew on a lettuce leaf and jog around the kitchen. X
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