OUR NEWS THE CHANGE FOR us

OK, good afternoon Bloggets. So it’s official. My Husband and I have lived a tough life for the past five years. We have had a beautiful house and moved to a more suitable place to live for his job and for our personal lives. But we have not really what I would call lived. Yes, we have been to amazing holiday destinations, stayed in luxury; money has never been an issue. I can wear the best make up and perfumes and go to the best hair dressers. We can take a meal anywhere without worrying and wear nice clothes. But the times we do this, always at the back of our minds is what is to follow? The odd weekend we get together, is spent planning for the next few days, or a night, or a week whereby he once again, is leaving me to go a far place.

Last year, one of the very many countries, was South Africa. I was worried sick as he had a lot of travel whilst he was there and there were so many other places where he was out of reach for some time, even if for a dozen hours.

It isn’t a nine to five job either. He worked sometimes from half seven in the morning till eleven at night and this wasn’t including overnight travel which he oftern did.

 I began to hate the life we were living, though I love his importance, his brain but most of all his achievements for us blind people.

A long month living out of a suitcase has made us realise, the only way forward is for him to leave his job, hence pushing I hope him into a new job, perhaps more local? I know this is tough, as it’s very hard for blind people to find work, as especially when you have the experience and intelligence that my Husband has, there are only certain jobs he can do because of his lack of eyesight, and those jobs don’t always wish to employ blind people sadly, even though I tell my Husband he has the brain to own most organisations. His skills are far beyond anything he has done so far.

But we have decided that enough is enough. So the change I knew was coming? It’s arrived.

Only recently I have known that he is leaving his job.

I feel for his lovely Pa, but I’m sure she will be OK in finding a  new job, I also worry who will do the job my Husband has done for 21 years, but I’m sure such a great organisation like the RNIB, will not let us down and continue with the great work my love has started.

So a big change for us. No money for a start. But we have each other.

Do you know what it’s like to go to bed at night, not knowing if your love is safe? Has landed in whatever country? To be cold in bed, and not have anyone to cuddle  up to? To turn after a nightmare hold out your arms and for there not to be anyone there?

To wake on your own. To have breakfast to a silent house.  To not have anyone next to you to share a joke with? To not have your Husband after work to tell of the day’s news? To feel sad about something and not have a shoulder to cry onto? Not to be able to share a laugh with a story what has been told to you?

To marry the love of your life, but to have him part time is rather difficult.

I used to cherish the short times we spent together, but I began to resent them.

Why should I be grateful to see my own Husband?

Why should I be so elated to have him hold me when he will be ripped away from me like a heart being pulled out of a loving person?

To wave goodbye and say that dam word every week.

Well, no more.

My Husband will be with me every single night God willing forever now.

Oh I can’t tell you how good that feels, though it is totally shadowed by the fact that we have a huge mortgage and a conscience.

My Mam visited me from the land she now lives, on the 8^th of January. I wrote about the feelings I had. I never knew what was going to happen then, and my Husband hadn’t even a clue at that time, about leaving work. I just knew something was going to happen.

I want to live now please? OK, we won’t go to wonderful holidays or buy the best things, but we will afford something that is priceless.

Each other

So a month left at work then gone. But only one day away I think and home every night.

Every weekend too.

I am in total shock. I really am.

I am almost numb as I still can’t believe it.

Our world is in a spin. What will happen to the house we fought long and hard to have?

Being together every day, will we still get on and how? What will we have to talk about? His life will be as boring as mine!

Will he get regarded as just “Another blind person?”

Thought of as a second class citizen?

I pray not, as he really is so clever.

Well, it may force the hand to do more about my publishing and for him to perhaps set up his own business?

I truly believe in a life map and our map is out there, we just don’t know what road to go down next.

Will we have a successful summer?

I know we will have each other, the man I married will at last be free enough to love me and for me to love back.