FAMILY AND ME

Good day Bloggets. I hope I find you well? Teen is away for the weekend not sure where. Irresponsible parent? No, irresponsible Son. I tell you, it’s a dreadful age 17. I hate it. After spending the day with my Niece her lovely Husband and my three great Niece and nephews, I can tell you, seventeen is not a good stage.

 

At least he ate before he left, as the person he’s with, he always comes back starved.

 

My little Niece is so cute. She and I have a connection. I felt it as soon as I met her before Christmas. I said to Hub, it’s something I can’t explain. Just a feeling. I normally connect with boys. I never ever wanted a daughter, only a Son and a beautiful one I got too. But this little girl is something special. Just one of those feelings I get spiritually. Both little children so loveing and the eldest lad, my oldest Nieces child came too, is so polite.

 

But to see my youngest Niece oh, it was lovely. I’m rather overwhelmed. As for her Husband, well, Hub and I think the world of him.

 

This family thing is all new to me. I really hope it continues. I feel as though I can allow my barriers down now. They have been there all of my life. Since six anyway.

 

I hope we can participate in the lives of my great Niece and Nephews and I have another Great Niece who didn’t come today to get to know better too.

 

We put the beasty girls in the office,. I call the cupboard. Oh heck, what a mess that room is, so there are no worries about the girls being in there. That is my next venture, so sort that out.

 

I tell you, I have never had guests who are so tidy after themselves? We went into the kitchen to see what we could clean when they left, and they had done it all. Gosh. It was rather funny though as we have a small table, with four chairs around it. We had to drag the two bar stools from the kitchen, so six seats? But eight for lunch. Oh well, never mind… I’m used to the three of us….

 

Hub played the piano and little one and I sang. Sweet.

 

The family spoke of going places and I so badly wished I could take the children, or at least be with them on the odd trip out. As children, my ex and I used to take the two girls places, picnicks and so on. It was lovely. But that was a long time ago. A big gap in between where there was just Teen and myself. Now I have a normal husband, I hope a normal life will follow.

 

 

A quiet night now. Time to reflect our day. Was sad to say goodbye. Just two people missing from my life now and that is my parents, but I do wonder if they have had some kind of intervention?

 

So much has happened since the end of last year when my brother and I were reunited. My insides shake with emotions. And to think they want to bother with me is the most amazing thing, I keep saying to Hub, why? Why would they want to know me? I’m tearful writing this, as to see/hear these words, to me is quite pathetic.  Hub bless him says all the right things, why they do want to know me, but to get me to believe him? No, not yet. Not yet.

 

I have such a downer on myself. I really do. It’s times like this when I realise just how much I hate myself

I’m a total mess. My past has really damaged me. I shall end this blog now, as it will go to a negative place when today has to be positive. I just can’t get my head around why they would want to make the trip to see us? I pray it won’t be a phase and this time in a few months, I  don’t wan’t to be here feeling again a total failure.

 

I just want to knock down my walls and be normal for once in my life.