It’s one of those days. Day before yesterday, I went for
blood tests. Yesterday Doctors, today waiting for call from the Doctor and
going to hospital for an ex-ray. The past two days were meant to be chill time
as Hub is off work. Having said that, he has been on his email for work loads.
I’m sitting here now so won up. Dreading this call with the Doc. She is a
lovely lady, but what will she tell me? Going to the hospital. I feel so sick.
I can’t take Wagga, because she doesn’t know the route our bus pulls so close
to the hospital, but the road to cross is horrific and once in the grounds,
there are sounds, buildings and loads of cars emergency services going by and nothing
in the grounds make sense, so no way I will be able to find what building to go
in, so I have to go by taxi then hope to goodness that I will find someone
helpful in the hospital.
And then the waiting game. Sitting on my own, just in fear
of when my name is called, I stand up with my white cane. And try to follow the
sound of the person who shouted my name. once. As they do that, they call you
just that one time, then expect you to just know where they are? Trying to
avoid everything yesterday at the Doctors, because I didn’t see the Doctor I
like who is great, I was called for. I stood up and turned towards her with
Wagga. Waggs was too far to the right and I knocked a lady’s feet ever so
gently, but the lady told me to be careful where I was going? After then, Waggs
managed to walk me through the people seats and guided me perfectly to the
direction of the Doctors original voice. I thought to myself if you only speak,
I will hear you and follow your voice, or better still, why not come over to me
and take my arm to guide me? But no, silence until I got right to the door of
the first corridor and then she said. “I’m all the way down here.”” Well, at
least that gave me four seconds of voice to follow, but with a white cane, all
of that would have been impossible. Then Wagga went to the right to a room
thankfully the correct room and the Doctor said. “There is a seat in front of
you.”” I was just direct and asked her at the end to walk me to the entrance
and she did and she was fine. But today at the hospital? I just don’t want to
go. I really don’t. I will put up with the pain forever rather than be
humiliated or made to feel totally useless and a nuisance to be honest.
Hub has to wait in for his mobile phone which is due. He
needs that badly and to be honest, yes I wouldn’t be as scared with him as together
I get a strength that I never find on my own, also someone to talk to whilst
sitting for perhaps hours, who knows? But if he comes, we will still need some
kind of help and that will be for both of us, though he would take Little
Fella, and LF can get him most places where as my Waggs only can go where we
have been taught the route. The other annoying thing is it will cost about
£17/£19 there and back in the taxi. If I could see to drive, it’s a ten-minute
drive each way.
Okay, a grumpy Fi today. Sorry. I’m human Bloggets and not a
super blindie. I’m a total coward.
Something happened last night too that made me a little fragile. At least
after today, I will know either way what is wrong with me medically speaking
and I hope and pray it’s all good news. Later with love. X
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