SATURDAYS THOUGHTS

Good day Bloggets. It’s raining here today. Hub is ironing teen taking a late bath, as its afternoon our two dogs are in their beds and I’m chatting to you. Today we gave what was left of our BB’s food to our neighbour who cuts our grass. Hub and I still have tears. I never for a second thought we would be so affected. I know why, apart from her being my first guide dog, such a change in my life, she had huge effects on our other two as well. She mothered them. Also my pet I used to adore, died after being with x and I for 17 years. I was hurt so much when she died. I cried for weeks, but not like this. I think it was because we brought our pet home, where as my BB/Hannah, we left at the vets. I really wish I could have brought her here, but impossible. I can’t stop feeling so guilty about what if there is life after this horrible world and what if she is lost? I want so badly a sign to say she is OK, but so far nothing, no matter how I beg my soul to see or hear something. I just wish I had somewhere to go with Hub to make our lives more interesting. Here we are on a Saturday and we are stuck in the house. For those who are on their own, I really admire you how you go forward. If you are like me and rubbish at getting out of the house. It’s also where to go?

Teen away again tomorrow and not back till the night before his first day at college, so Tuesday.

He is visiting his Father. So more stress for me. More illegal driving for teen as he isn’t insured for his Father’s car. Also I just worry about him being there. But thankfully for only two sleeps. I worked so hard to keep those two together, regrets? Not sure, though it’s important for my Son to know his father, and important for my x to know his Son, hence I doing stupid things like texting x on his birthdays pretending I was teen and texting when x lost his Mother, as teen wouldn’t, and why didn’t I leave it at that? Because I’m stupid and soft, always thinking about others rather than myself. I hate myself for this.

 

Hub and I were talking about our kids today. We really don’t like this generation. We are sure that in the future, they won’t stop being nasty selfish kids; they will just move on to be nasty selfish adults. God help our old generation in the future, as our generation, in our forties, won’t see our kids visiting us when we are old. We will have each other and will forget families. I am sure we will be the first to witness this.  Just like we are the first to witness these horrible teenage years of cruel selfish and badly behaved kids who care for no one but themselves.

I just can’t get over how my Son has changed? Still we have flickers of our beautiful wonderful kind boy, but on whole, he is the new breed of one cell.

X and I did all we could for our parents and didn’t even think about it. Now kids do absolutely nothing and they think they have a right to all we have, earn and breathe.

It would be lovely to think my Son will change to what he used to be like and care love and be a good person, but sadly, I’m waiting.

An yet I love him so much and of course this is why I am so patient with him.

I hope he does so well at college? He should, he is so very clever. What he will do after then for a job? I don’t know as he doesn’t really have a goal. Last year I didn’t expect him to find his occupation, but this year, I would kind of hope he will see something he wants to aim for? I know he is amazing at selling and he is very good looking so fit’s every criterion, but is too clever just to sell, but I can’t tell what he should be. I know if he was more bookish, a teacher would be amazing for him. He is a natural teacher. And the kids would love him and he always has been a team leader.

Where will we be next year? In my mind I think I know, but in my heart I hope I’m so wrong.

 

It’s Hubs birthday in a few weeks. Three. Not sure what to buy him this year. His Dad and brothers will I’m sure forget again. I hope his girls will bother this year? I want to plan something lovely but have not got the money thanks to the latest dirty trick x has played. Well, Hub and I have something that x will never have. That is love for each other. I love my Husband so much, so whatever we will do on his day, will be full of love.

The night before his birthday, we are out to a tribute band. A group called take that. I can’t stand them. I hate their music, but it’s for charity so I shall do my bit.

At least it’s out doing something, right?

Well, I better go and take the washing out of machine and pop into the drier and then start to cook tea! Steak casserole today. Vegetarian sausages for me.