Dearest Bloggets. How are you all today? Yesterday was a
busy day for me and today the opposite until this afternoon, then it gets hectic. I have all our clothes sorted for our
holiday. We are going on a cruise to Norway. Just a week. It will be rather
stressful the whole organising as have to sort out our dogs and before them,
the clothes that I am almost through. Hubs clothes and mine. Trying to work out
what matches and pray nothing has a stain on it this is the problem when you
can’t see, you don’t know that things are stained. Oh well, I will pack some
broaches and if someone tells me I have a stain on my top, the broach will go
on. OK, it may be on my stomach? Haha. I must say it all sounds a little posh
for me this. I love the best hotels; I love quality, but pretentious people? Em
not sure. My friend goes on lots of cruises and she says she thought the same
when she first went, but she was pleasantly surprised. She loves them; it’s the
black tie dinners. Oh God, Hub won’t buy a dinner suit for the two nights we
are having the dinners, so only will take his black wedding suit, now for a
tie? Well, I don’t know what colour is light and what is dark. I may have to
ask my friend about that, but I feel so stupid having to ask such silly things.
I feel I should know and I feel like I let my Hub down by not knowing. He keeps
telling me that the washing basket is full, I am so afraid to sort it out as I
really don’t know what is what in there. I took the things out that I recognised,
but the rest of the things have been in there gathering for a couple of weeks
now.
I bloody hate being blind, I really do and it’s really
starting to hurt big time now. I pray my Son will never have this curse and I
hope his baby in the future won’t be born blind too. Those Bloggets who don’t
know, my eye condition is hereditary. There was a fifty fifty per cent chance
that he could have been born with my eye condition. He won’t go to see about
his eyes and when he was little, I didn’t have the support around me to cope
with the news if he had. Also in those days, there was nothing on the horizon.
My Doctor at the hospital only about twelve years ago, said that I would never
see in my life time there would be no cure and perhaps towards the end of my
Sons life there would be, but even that is not for sure and now we have stem
cell, there is hope.
So if my Son does have my eye disease, then he may suffer
for some years, five, ten, who knows, and then with knowledge, commitment and
funds, there will be help. You know, we are so close to helping people with my
sight in the UK, the US are working, Sweden
and other countries, why on earth do we all not get together and put our heads
all in one room say what we have discovered and get on with it? Why is there a competition?
I mean, if we all got our knowledge together, we would be helped quicker?
My left eye is still bothering me. It now feels heavy. I
feel like I have a squint but teen says no. I still after almost a month haven’t
heard from the hospital for an appointment. When that day comes, I am dreading
it. I hate eye hospitals. We are treat like farm animals, the consultants get
some kind of exciting thrill when they hear they are looking at someone with
RP. Then they just tell you depressing news, so really not wanting to go and on
my own? Hub can’t take time off work until November.
Hub is going through a bit of a hard time of late about how
people are seeing us as blind people. Life it’s tough and I can’t wait for the
day to come when I can see and I can do things for us and we can go places without
feeling a burden to people.
I think my Son is spending the summer in the south of the
UK. Let’s hope he enjoys himself? I don’t think he is going to his Dads this
weekend. I feel sorry for his Dad. It’s a shame that he is looking forward to
seeing him and it won’t happen. I may be wrong, if he doesn’t go, I won’t need
to worry about him drinking too much alcohol I guess. Or if he does drink with
friends at home, at least I will know he is OK. I guess it is what young people
do. Times are no different and if his friends and others are drinkers, what
choice does he have and after all, I won’t be around to see him die young of
liver disease……
We always want the best for our kid’s health, but if they
get to say 55, then die young, well, I won’t be here. I will be in my eighties,
so if I am here, it will be a miracle. Well, the size of me, I will have burst
by then. Right now I wish I could walk through a door and into another world.
This is what it would be like
The sun is shining a golden shade. My hands will go to my
eyes, just to check they are there and they don’t belong to another, as they
will see. Orange flowers will form either side of a pathway to fields of
lavender. Red leaved trees will blow in
the gentle breeze. Silence will be all around me, and then a sweet bird will
sing. It will be my Canary, free, out of his cage. Perched on a branch, looking
at me whilst he serenades me. Small rabbits will hop along, without a care. My
Dog Kara, my first dog from when I was married to my x Husband will be there,
she will remember me as will Pippa, my dog when I was a teen at home that was cruelly
removed from me after a trip to Russia. Then around the corner, will be my
Darling parents. They will look so much younger and my Dad will walk towards me
without pain my Mam will be out of her wheelchair and almost run to greet me.
My Nana will be there, in her apron, after baking and next to her will my my
dearest Mother in law, who I only knew for a couple of years before she left
this world I live in now. Then my friends from Russia who have passed to
another world.
But I won’t be in heaven, as my Son will be there as tall as
ever and handsome. Smiling and looking better than I have seen him in over a
year. My Husband will be there holding out his arms, He will know it’s me,
though I have not spoken, as in so much shock. He will know because he will
have sight for the first time in his life.
Beautiful people will
be there and showing such kindness. I will be filled with trust. I for once in
my life, will totally relax, knowing that this was a new world that happened,
well, because it can, because this world we live in is because?
It will be without question forever and peaceful. No crime
or cruelty. No aggression, a dreadful motion and action that I have had enough
of in my life.
No technology to interfere with our minds or receive bad
news from another world.
Streams will flow and fish will be there because they can,
to look stunning and not the be eaten. No animals will be slaughtered. No pollution.
No evil. We are there because we all want to be. Or we have been put there
because we needed guiding there.
My life would be free. I would ride my Pegasus through
ripples of look warm oceans and go for walks picking peaches from the trees.
My dearest friends will join us with their families, but
they will leave behind those who have hurt them and only bring those who are
good or can change. And change in transition.
Wow, where is that door? Where are those castles of safety
and polished marble palaces of pink delight?
In the meanwhile, I will stay where I am and just hope.
X
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