GOODBYE UNTIL ANOTHER DAY

As I write this blog, we have now reached the big 5 0

50,000 views and six weeks away from our two year anniversary.

What kind of people read my blogs? Well I receive emails from Doctors of all subjects, not just eyes.  From retired ladies and gents who just like a read on real life, or perhaps they enjoy poetry. I have schools who read my blogs as part of their lesson, now what lesson I hear you ask? Em, well, not sure on that, I know English is one subject, but they didn’t say if they read this blog to learn what not to do?

Some people read my blogs because they are stuck in the house/hospitals or whatever and they feel like they have a friend in this page, and they have.

My friends read this as they are either nosey, and you know who you are??????

Or they want to know the real Fi, as in public I am very smiley happy. In private, well, I can be, but I also tell you the difficulties we have in life. I know of a lot of blind people who will never ever admit to needing help or wishing that they had their sight. To be blind is to be strong or you die. Well if you are not strong and you feel like dying, then I hope I have been able to help you in some way. As if I can do things, believe me, you can.

 

Now I was hoping to have my books in print by now and write books all around the world and touch people everywhere where they may be forgotten. It is still my dream to publish work in paperback; I just haven’t had the strength yet to walk those steps. I thought Amazon publishing would be a good start, but sadly again you need to see to do this.

 

So you have walked with me in town, where we got lost and bumped into everything that moved and what didn’t move.

You have been to our church with us, seen the Nativity play I wrote and Hub played piano for.

We have shopped together, took in the summer smells, Christmas aroma’s and had holidays with us.

You have been through the horrible stress and troubles I have had with my Son!

And read my work/poetry/short stories, read the news with me and so much more.

 

My diaries have been open for you to read too. But from now I am taking a break from this page. If you wish to email me I shall try to answer you. I will return to this page when my life has come to a huge change and let you know what’s happened. My email is

visionsforfuture@googlemail.com For V I P’s, that is

Visions for future @ google mail.com

This week in short, I have my eye hospital and I fear that so much. In a couple of weeks, our holiday. My Son passed with fantastic results his college so that is great. Now I just let him deal with his life as he chooses. He is going on holiday with someone in a few weeks, after we get back. Hubs job is going well so I’m all out of chat. As for my life?

It couldn’t be better. Right?

I send my love to you all and again thank you all. You have all been so important to me and the last time I hung up my hat on here, I received so many requests to continue. Thank you for that too, it meant a lot, this time, I will come back one day, I’m sure, who knows, it may be to talk about my Son’s wedding or his first child? It may be to promote my first book, or tell of my new job, which is on the horizon by the way. I haven’t written about that on here. It may be to write to you without my software, Jaws, as I have been given the gift of sight? Right now, I would just like the gift of peace.

 

With love

Fiona Cummings

You’re Fifi Blogget

HAPPY SUNDAY CLIMBING THE MOUNTAIN

 Hi happy Sunday Bloggets. Well, the two new cases I bought Hub for Christmas are out of the loft and quarter packed. We have sorted out a few bits and bobs. I tried on my evening dresses. Oh boy, I would be OK if I didn’t have to sit down and eat? Do you think blue will be a good look for our cruise?

As in blue face?

Really, if I don’t go that colour after five minutes wearing those dresses, I shall have to hunt for our winter hats and eat them.

 

I still have loads to do and tomorrow Hub is away until late Tuesday evening. Working.

I spoke with the lady yesterday from the dog sitting place. She was lovely. So I’m a little less anxious about leaving them now.

I just really hope that Hub and I will be able to find out way around the ship? I mean, I’m not a good swimmer if we misjudge? Hahaha.

 

Teen will be backing late tonight from his Dads. They have had a nice weekend, so that’s great. Hub just climbed over a mountain of clothes in his bedroom on the floor, so I presume they are to throw out? To try to find cups. We are loads missing. Well, clinking down the stairs he came, with six cups and two glasses as well as two cans. Didn’t bother to look for any more rubbish.

 

A couple of days left to go to have my visit to the hospital for my eyes checked out. I may learn of the lump and why it’s still there after years and theblur on my eye.

 

OK, until later. X

 

 

 

MORMONS MADE ME MAKE MY MIND UP

Tonight we watched a rather disturbing program on Mormons. Oh my word? I didn’t know how dangerous that religion is? I mean, I would say it’s very close to   the Muslim religion.

 

The program depicted a young lad aged 20 who had to leave his family and friends, not see them for two years until he had time to be brow beaten, oh, em, no, sorry, time to learn about Mormonism.

 

Poor lad was crying, I had a lump in my throat as he told the lady who was interviewing him, that he missed his family. He was grieving. He had to have a person at his side at all times. Just so he didn’t say anything wrong. It showed how the lad changed over the weeks. It was frightening.

 

I always naively thought that to be a Mormon was harmless. No, it’s too sad. Oh and did you know, they have to wear special kind of underwear?

 Say what?

 This is underwear that helps to prevent the urge to desire others. What on earth is that like? The interviewer asked what it looked like. And she was told they wouldn’t discuss it.

 

They have to work without a wage. An yet, find about £6000 to give the church per year.

They don’t drink alcohol, great, I’m with them there. Oh they don’t drink coffee either. They are expected to sign up four people a year too. I wonder what will happen if they don’t make that number up? I bet their two years will be extended.

 

The program went on and really so much that was said was really frightening. I really really didn’t know half of what it was all about, for example they believe after the crucifixion of Jesus Christ, he was resurrected and went to America. Haha.

 

The churches are locked only open for Mormons. Why, what have they got to hide?

 

Loads was said and it’s really really horrible to see a religion that is so very strict. I mean, who says that is right, like any religion. I wonder why we have to have rules with religion

 

I wish we could have a Fifi religion. Just love each other, respect too and if you don’t respect each other, and then may be learn to understand the person you don’t respect, if after you have studied them, and you still don’t respect them, well walk away.

 

There is a lot of respect in that last paragraph? Hahaheheh

 

I would love a religion where people feel loved and wanted. Where after a get together, everyone feels uplifted. Give people challenges that they will achieve with comfort and pride. Do things for people. Hub says he used to have Mormons who did his garden. May be that is where I’m going wrong with my gardening? He used to tell them

“Isn’t it convenient that the book was written in a language that no one could read? When many languages have survived for much longer?”

The person that was supposed to have found the plates of gold with the writing on, was called

Joseph Smith

Smith?

And Joseph?

So what do you think?

Really, you should read more about the religion as I thought I knew a bit about it, but until tonight, I really knew nothing. I have just skated around some of the facts, but to see this young man crying because he was forbidden from seeing his family was too sad.

……

 

Well, I shall close for the night, I just really wish religion was not so controlling. Cults are the worst car crash in life.

BRAZIL v CHILLI

 Hi Bloggets. Heard from my baby. He is OK. I miss him so much, but I know he is OK, and at  a party tonight.

 

 We have just had a lovely tea. Hub had pork steaks with new potatoes’, baby sweetcorn, green beans, roast tomatoes and mushrooms. I had the same but apart from Pork, I had vegetarian bacon. Then we had my favourite strawberries with evaporated milk. Yummy I love them. It was then when I had a sad moment. I remembered when my Son was a baby and my Mum bought him strawberry’s. Every time he went into her house, he used to shout

“Dor dors!”

For some reason only  he knew why? he called them that. He also called my Mum Nana Dor Dor. She bought him them right through that winter, just before she died.

 

Oh when she died, it was horrible. My x was really good and did most of the house himself, I couldn’t bear to go to her house. Only once I did that was when my baby of only 22 months, went into her house and shouted on her, saying Nana Dor Dor. Oh I just was crushed. Who would buy him them now? as in the winter they were far more than I could afford. I missed my Mum and still do now so very much it is incredibly painful, even after 16 years. At times like this, I wished I had her for advice, not that I took it from her when she was alive bless her. There was a large age gap between my Mum and I, she was forty years older than me.

 

Those six months, were dreadful. My Dad who I worship died, then my Mum and before all that, I went blind, all in six months. I had to go on living, though it would have been so much easier to die.

 

Hub listening to the football on the radio. It’s Brazil v Chilli. An English referee. If our ref puts Brazil out, I think he may need police escort out of the country?

 

I have no interest in the world cup. I hate football as it’s all about money. Greed and letting violence occur, without any punishment. The players can act like absolute thugs and get away with it.

 

Still bathing my little dog’s feet. Her poor paws. I have tried calling the lady who is taking her whilst we are away. She’s not answering. This is a bit of a worry, though she is texting. Oh God, I am anxious about them. My friend used to look after them when we had two, and she had one of her own, now she has two and we three, it’s far too much to ask her.

 

Last night Hub got onU Tube, someone who had taken a video of their holiday like ours. Oh God the ship sounds so very loud? It will be like home from home? What with our road outside our house?

 

Only four more days until I’m off to see about my eye. Oh I am so very afraid. What will they tell me it is? I don’t want bad news before we go away.

 

I will ask a lot of questions too about my eye condition and future hope? What kind of RP I have too as I don’t know. Imagine getting to my age and not knowing what kind it is? This is the trouble with my disease, it’s called RP, but there are different types of it. So I will ask and hope I will be strong enough to hear the answers? When I used to go many years ago, I was very emotional. I didn’t know what to ask and I just froze with fear. Since I have met my Hub, I have become stronger and except my eye condition a bit more. I still hate it, but today we went to the town, we did some basic shopping and we did it on our own. I very much doubt I will ever be able to do things like that on my own, as my guide dog is not allowed in the town, as she was not trained for that, also I’m never getting another guide dog. So I will mosie on around my shops local and Hub and I together will hit the town. Him with Long Chops and me with my white cane.

 

Do you know until I met hub five years ago, I didn’t even know that the traffic lights that don’t beep, have a button underneath that turns when you have to cross. This is there for deaf/blind but mainly for when there are two sets of traffic lights together. One beeps and the other you have to feel the button. I’m sure we get some funny looks when people pass seeing us holding under the crossing button?

 

As I said yesterday, I try to remember to walk heal to toe, so I can’t easily trip. I used to walk like a ballerina, almost on my toes. Haha. Me a ballerina? Oh yes, I can see it now, well, the headlines anyway.

 

I have learned to hear, I’m no way as good as my Husband, but I am learning to listen for walls, parked cars/vans and trying to remember smells from shops, so we can walk back and say, yep, we passed that bakery before, yep, that’s the coffee shop and yes, that’s the spice shop. So we are on the right street. It’s more difficult in the winter, when all shop doors are closed.

 

OK, tea made by Hub tonight, I fed the dogs, let them out, and we have now to tidy the kitchen and then chill for the night, though the telly has been awful of late, blooming football, tennis and cooking shows. Inside my stomach, I’m shaking. I can’t enjoy a night without so many thoughts buzzing through my head. So much to do before we go away. Loads of paperwork too. I hate this. Bits of paper. What if we don’t have all the right things? So much to remember what we need. The passports, that looks like my bank book. Insurance papers we have to show, that look like any letter. Tickets for our cruise, well, are they our tickets or something else that came through the post? Train tickets, the card we paid for the tickets on. Reference numbers written down to show and foreign currency, English money for taxi’s when we get to our hotel as we have to leave the night before and stay over. And so much more.

 

Paperwork is a blind person’s junk. When you have no sight in the house too, to check if you have everything, so you grab all you have and pray.

 

This is another reason I miss my Mum. She would have read everything for us.

 

OK. Off now, I hope tomorrow is a nice day for you all. My boy spending the day with his Dad, it was not almost like that, he almost came home early, but his Dad kindly bought him a ticket for later on in the day/night.

 

So I guess he will be home about ten tomorrow night. I’m not sure if he’s at college on Monday, as I don’t know for sure if he’s finished for the year?

 

I have lost some weight this week, so I’m happy about that. Not much, about 3lbs, but better than putting it on, right?

 

Later gators. X

CULTURE

Good day, I hope you are having a nice weekend? We left the house this morning and it was soo’oo cold. I’m serious, crazy as its summer and being so hot! My kind neighbour asked if we wanted a lift into town bless her, but I thought about it and she would have to park somewhere we don’t know and we need to know the route. So we thanked her and off we went. But how nice was that? Really she is so lovely Our Avenue is very friendly.

 

Received a text from Teens Dad and they are off on a hike today and a party tonight, so I’m sure a lovely weekend is in order for them both. This is great. I’m so glad they have a relationship now.  It was a battle but I really feel it’s been worth it. The last thing I wanted in the world is for my Son not to have his Dad and for my x to be alone. I just hope now things can be normal and no worse feelings?

My Son passed his college work. He has done really well. I had no doubt he was capable, just didn’t know if he would put his head down and he did at the last moment.

I do think he will do another course or take a part time job in September, but it’s his choice.

 

So the town was packed. Oh God it’s so difficult, I ended up as bruised as a bad apple that’s come from a far by ship.

 

People see us coming towards them and don’t move. Well they moved when I stotted them out of the way.  Scuffed my knuckles on walls, but skin grows back, right?

 

We went to the bank and a shop to get last minute things for our holidays. Our lovely shower gel I wanted to take to town is missing; teen took it with him to his Dads. So I couldn’t get another one and I loved it. But other things we liked rather than remember the name, we take our empty bottles in as for example you get the make, we can remember that, but then they  have an essay to tell you what flowers from some  exotic island and fruits no one has ever heard of, just anything to make the item sound amazing. Get that flower wrong? Oh boy could be a disaster. Haha.

Then as we passed the singers from Africa who were great and the orchestra in the street, we went by a singer with his band and it was a pleasant plethora of culture!

 

We had a coffee in the shop we just learned how to get to a few weeks ago. Hub there with guides dog, me with white cane. When Hub asked what kind of sandwiches they had, she told him to look on the board… Some people are just not well in the brain department.

 

Anyway, he got one and he enjoyed it.

 

It was nice to people watch. We hear some very odd things.

  

Oh on Monday I hope to remember to write a blog on what I heard when I was out with my friend the other day. It was great.

 

The bus was waiting as we arrived at the stop and we got a seat with ease too thank God. Back home, and now a quiet day a head, but I do have to phone up the dog lady who will be taking my babies, oh, I’m dreading leaving them. My boy remembered to give his bird the new water bottle so I want to make sure our canary, Irish you know? Will drink from it before we go. I will put two bottles in and pray he will be OK when we are away.

I will feed him and give him some sweetcorn and perhaps a green bean too, or some broccoli, as well as his food.

 

I will cry when my girls leave and I just pray they will not be too upset. To be honest, I really need a break, for my health and mind, but the thought of my girls going to a stranger is so horrible.

 

OK, Hub has the hoover out now, so I feel guilty about sitting here, so my quiet weekend may not be so quiet? Hehehe. I keep thinking, I should be seeing what teen will be eating for tea, but he isn’t here, it’s really odd. OK, later with love. X

THE DUST

Good evening Bloggets.

This morning I found out that I had to go to the hospital next week about my eye.

I will be on my own and I am terrified. I went to the Doctors and chemist with my poor Waggatail. I was not to take her out, but Hub needed pain killers.

 

So I took my poor dog, Bless her, she did as well as she could. I had tears in my eyes all the way. So hurt and so sorry for Waggatail, as every time she put her foot down, it hurt her.

 

Anyway, we did it, its long walk too when you are an anxious person like myself. I knew if I hadn’t gone there and then, I wouldn’t have bothered at all. So the doctors, the chemist and then to the shop as it’s on the way back for some biscuits for my friend coming after she finished work.

 

Wags did so well.

 

I bathed Wagga’s paws and she was fine.

 

My friend Geordie came and teen left for his Dads. I am glad he went to see his Dad as I didn’t think he was going to go, as we have been trying to get him to book tickets for weeks as it’s cheaper to book in advance, but no, he booked last minute, costing a fortune and then booked the wrong time. He had himself coming home at seven fifty in the morning on Sunday. Well, I told his Dad teen thought that he booked pm. So his Dad bought another ticket for night time. So in all costing a lot of money. But he is there and I hope he has a nice weekend, though the weather looks awful.

 

Hub told me today he has a stay over. The first one since he joined this job… Dreading it dot com.

So he is off to Birmingham next week. Oh it will bring back memories of the horrible old job.

 

Hub and I off to town tomorrow. We have the same old same to do. So a bit of a stressful time, banging through the people, scraping my arm on the fences and sharp shop signs as well as any trees that may get in the way.

 

Remember to walk heal to toe, so if I trip, I can save myself better. I only learned that trick last year.

 

Hoping we don’t get lost? I am sure we won’t as we are not going to find anywhere new.

 

My friends from Russia moved into their new flat. The agency they booked through is just awful. So much is wrong with the flat. The front door is broken, there are no pans and the fridge has no shelves. The previous people broke them. Well this is a disgrace as the amount of money it’s costing them, Olga said she will buy new pans, well she shouldn’t have to? Also they can’t sit on their balcony as the dust from a building getting built next to theirs is everywhere. But her Son loves the flat, I just hope they will start to relax and enjoy? Poor babykins is ill again too. He’s not breathing very well. He has Asthma. Well the dust from the building won’t be helping, also the stress of moving again to a different environment.

 

Yesterday for me was packed. The vet, then with my friend to the hospital for her, then her daughter was going for her hair cut and a makeover as she had a school prom to go to. Back to make tea and before I knew it, bed time.

 

Talking of bedtime, I will close for now. Hope your weekend will be one of happiness and perhaps a dream come true? With love and thanks for reading, only a couple of hundred views to go then we have made the big fifty thousand views in total, in less than two years.

 

 

 

 

THE ART OF THE DOG

Dearest Bloggets. Well, yesterday I took my dogs out for a walk or a run, on our field. I went with my friend Arty. We had a great chat and she told me of her lovely holiday on an island in the Caribbean and whilst she was here, I asked her to describe the two pictures I bought on line a couple of months ago, can you remember that blog? Oh I didn’t have a clue what the picture looked like, but knew they were dancers and there was blue in the picture. So my friend told me that the girl had a red hat on, with auburn hair. I did wonder why red hair and red hat? As an artist in my mind, I would put blonde or black hair on her, but this artist must have been fixated with red as the man had a red beard too.

 

Arty told me of the dresses the girls had on, the bottles of wine and beer on the table and so on. Oh and that there was a hat in the background on the floor. I love to hear her descriptions; she’s really interesting as though live art unfolding before your eyes and ears.

 

My mind was full of delight, as so much I love colour and detail. If ever my eyes see again, I will for sure take up art; oh I can’t imagine how happy I would be?

 

My Son is doing great at college. Who knows what his future will be? I know he plans to marry the gf and apart from that not sure.

 

I just hope he always can see, he never gets my eye condition, and I do worry as he is not seeing things as well as he used to. I pray it’s a case he needs glasses for something else?

 

I also hope his baby will be born free of Retinitis Pigmentosa? But most of all, he finds happiness? I love him so much; he is each breath I take.

 

Yesterday was also my wedding Anniversary. Hub and I had a lovely day, when he got in from work, where he really had a very successful day there, he gave me gifts ordered in the weekly shopping, but when you can’t drive to the shops, it’s kind of hard. I got some beautiful flowers and chocolate as well as two, bottles of fizz. Then we went out for a meal at our Louis’s restaurant. But when I got back, I felt so unwell. It started the day before. The pain in my chest was pretty bad, my left arm I can hardly move and I felt really sick with a dreadful head ache. Still today not much better. Well, today started with some stress, halved by my friend Di who came again to my rescue.

 

My Wagga Tail hurt her paws yesterday on her run. She pulled off her skin on her pads. So with Di, off to the vet. Back from there now and getting ready to go to the hospital with my friend, then off to get another friends hair and makeup done for her big night out tonight. I’m glad I made tea last night, a famous Fifi leak pie. That will do for tea tonight and I will cook pork steaks for the boys.

 

Just wanted to drop in to see how you are all doing?

 

Until later with love. Xxxx

WHAT A BITCH

Goodnight Bloggets.

I’m for one glad to see the back of this horrible day. So much is going on in my head right now, and I have been too outspoken and said too much. Lashed out at those close to me. I have been nothing better than a bitch and I shall beat myself up forever for it.

 

Tomorrow is our Anniversary and to be honest, I’m dreading it as Hub is to build up my stress levels going to town to our train station at silly hour in the morning by bus. Well twice before we have gone to the train station by bus and regretted it. Almost killing ourselves. We may as well have stood in the middle of the motorway and begged the cars to run us over.

 

So the stress now of wondering how he will be? In a taxi it will take about 25 minutes. By bus, and getting lost, one hour plus.

 

Why is Hub doing the bus? One, to keep his independence up, and two to save his company money. Same old same. As he did for his other company and did they thank him for this? No.

 

I guess before I shout at you all on here, I should close for the night, and hope that tomorrow will be a better day?

 

Some good news, I’m seeing my lovely friend Geordie girl at the end of the week I love her, and in the morning, I’m walking the dogs with my friend Arty.

 

If the weather is kind to me.

 

Today we have had a lot of Bloggets join us, thank you so much and nighty night.

UK, US, Russia, Canada, United Arab Emirates, Denmark, Spain, Mexico, Singapore, and Ukraine

And that is just the first ten countries, so I hope you will come again soon. Xxx

 

DRUJBU BY FIONA CUMMINGS

Drujbu

By Fiona Cummings

Through thick and thin

We shall be together

Deep within

Our hearts beat forever

How could I leave you?

With words so blue

All we have been through

Life so true

Sorry for the pain I have caused

I said I was ready to close

But like the thorns on a winter rose

I was protecting myself

Blowing dust from the shelf

Ready for new

 I can’t think of life without you

Please forgive me

And all I have done wrong

May our friendship go on?

As we together are strong

We have been through generations

Seen old and new relations

Stuck out the whole duration

For you I am full of adulation

And I am so grateful to all you have done

We are like an old battered car

Down the road this far

So let’s not break down now

As we grow old

With lines on our brow

I just needed to understand why and how

That’s all

Your call

 

THAT DOOR TO OUR CRUISE

Dearest Bloggets. How are you all today? Yesterday was a busy day for me and today the opposite until this afternoon, then it gets hectic.  I have all our clothes sorted for our holiday. We are going on a cruise to Norway. Just a week. It will be rather stressful the whole organising as have to sort out our dogs and before them, the clothes that I am almost through. Hubs clothes and mine. Trying to work out what matches and pray nothing has a stain on it this is the problem when you can’t see, you don’t know that things are stained. Oh well, I will pack some broaches and if someone tells me I have a stain on my top, the broach will go on. OK, it may be on my stomach? Haha. I must say it all sounds a little posh for me this. I love the best hotels; I love quality, but pretentious people? Em not sure. My friend goes on lots of cruises and she says she thought the same when she first went, but she was pleasantly surprised. She loves them; it’s the black tie dinners. Oh God, Hub won’t buy a dinner suit for the two nights we are having the dinners, so only will take his black wedding suit, now for a tie? Well, I don’t know what colour is light and what is dark. I may have to ask my friend about that, but I feel so stupid having to ask such silly things. I feel I should know and I feel like I let my Hub down by not knowing. He keeps telling me that the washing basket is full, I am so afraid to sort it out as I really don’t know what is what in there. I took the things out that I recognised, but the rest of the things have been in there gathering for a couple of weeks now.

 

I bloody hate being blind, I really do and it’s really starting to hurt big time now. I pray my Son will never have this curse and I hope his baby in the future won’t be born blind too. Those Bloggets who don’t know, my eye condition is hereditary. There was a fifty fifty per cent chance that he could have been born with my eye condition. He won’t go to see about his eyes and when he was little, I didn’t have the support around me to cope with the news if he had. Also in those days, there was nothing on the horizon. My Doctor at the hospital only about twelve years ago, said that I would never see in my life time there would be no cure and perhaps towards the end of my Sons life there would be, but even that is not for sure and now we have stem cell, there is hope.

 

So if my Son does have my eye disease, then he may suffer for some years, five, ten, who knows, and then with knowledge, commitment and funds, there will be help. You know, we are so close to helping people with my sight  in the UK, the US are working, Sweden and other countries, why on earth do we all not get together and put our heads all in one room say what we have discovered and get on with it? Why is there a competition? I mean, if we all got our knowledge together, we would be helped quicker?

 

My left eye is still bothering me. It now feels heavy. I feel like I have a squint but teen says no. I still after almost a month haven’t heard from the hospital for an appointment. When that day comes, I am dreading it. I hate eye hospitals. We are treat like farm animals, the consultants get some kind of exciting thrill when they hear they are looking at someone with RP. Then they just tell you depressing news, so really not wanting to go and on my own? Hub can’t take time off work until November.

 

Hub is going through a bit of a hard time of late about how people are seeing us as blind people. Life it’s tough and I can’t wait for the day to come when I can see and I can do things for us and we can go places without feeling a burden to people. 

 

I think my Son is spending the summer in the south of the UK. Let’s hope he enjoys himself? I don’t think he is going to his Dads this weekend. I feel sorry for his Dad. It’s a shame that he is looking forward to seeing him and it won’t happen. I may be wrong, if he doesn’t go, I won’t need to worry about him drinking too much alcohol I guess. Or if he does drink with friends at home, at least I will know he is OK. I guess it is what young people do. Times are no different and if his friends and others are drinkers, what choice does he have and after all, I won’t be around to see him die young of liver disease……

 

We always want the best for our kid’s health, but if they get to say 55, then die young, well, I won’t be here. I will be in my eighties, so if I am here, it will be a miracle. Well, the size of me, I will have burst by then. Right now I wish I could walk through a door and into another world. This is what it would be like

 

The sun is shining a golden shade. My hands will go to my eyes, just to check they are there and they don’t belong to another, as they will see. Orange flowers will form either side of a pathway to fields of lavender.  Red leaved trees will blow in the gentle breeze. Silence will be all around me, and then a sweet bird will sing. It will be my Canary, free, out of his cage. Perched on a branch, looking at me whilst he serenades me. Small rabbits will hop along, without a care. My Dog Kara, my first dog from when I was married to my x Husband will be there, she will remember me as will Pippa, my dog when I was a teen at home that was cruelly removed from me after a trip to Russia. Then around the corner, will be my Darling parents. They will look so much younger and my Dad will walk towards me without pain my Mam will be out of her wheelchair and almost run to greet me. My Nana will be there, in her apron, after baking and next to her will my my dearest Mother in law, who I only knew for a couple of years before she left this world I live in now. Then my friends from Russia who have passed to another world.

 

But I won’t be in heaven, as my Son will be there as tall as ever and handsome. Smiling and looking better than I have seen him in over a year. My Husband will be there holding out his arms, He will know it’s me, though I have not spoken, as in so much shock. He will know because he will have sight for the first time in his life.

 Beautiful people will be there and showing such kindness. I will be filled with trust. I for once in my life, will totally relax, knowing that this was a new world that happened, well, because it can, because this world we live in is because?

 

It will be without question forever and peaceful. No crime or cruelty. No aggression, a dreadful motion and action that I have had enough of in my life.

 

No technology to interfere with our minds or receive bad news from another world.

 

Streams will flow and fish will be there because they can, to look stunning and not the be eaten. No animals will be slaughtered. No pollution. No evil. We are there because we all want to be. Or we have been put there because we needed guiding there.

 

My life would be free. I would ride my Pegasus through ripples of look warm oceans and go for walks picking peaches from the trees.

 

My dearest friends will join us with their families, but they will leave behind those who have hurt them and only bring those who are good or can change. And change in transition.

 

Wow, where is that door? Where are those castles of safety and polished marble palaces of pink delight?

 

In the meanwhile, I will stay where I am and just hope.

X

MONDAY DIARY

Good day friends, a short blog as I have so much to do around the house, and then I’m teaching English, so will have papers to prepare for that too.

 

It’s a beautiful day. The sun is shining. I’m sitting in the office. I can hear the sounds of wasps or is it our neighbours grass cutter? Haha. Yep, the latter.

 

Birds are singing and cars are gently brushing by the house, but not as bad as when we are in the garden. That is deafening, in fact, if I was in the garden at the other side of the house, I wouldn’t be able to hear the grass cutters for the sounds of our mad motorway.

 

At this side of the house, it’s nice and tranquil. I wound up Hubs antique clock that is here in his office. I love the ticking of it, it’s sweet and calming.

 

I’m starving so don’t want to eat bread for breakfast, but will have to as my imagination isn’t very awake. It’s not early or anything, just I have been awake since six this morning and I listened to my music till after two before then. Then saw my Hub off to work, and then teen was stressing me out, as it’s so important he gets his blooming college work done this week. I shouldn’t care; my life would be so much easier. But how to change an old dog?

 

“Woof woof!”

 

Trying to sort out our clothes for our holiday. It’s been a nightmare. I am getting more in a state about matching clothes than ever before. My memory is not as sharp as it was some years ago; when I could remember what colours we bought by the texture of the garments. Now, I have forgotten everything, also I used to go proper shopping where I went with my Son to buy clothes, now I buy on line, so most times I am worrying about the blooming style it will turn up in, let alone the colour.

 

Teen had a wild weekend. He was never in, this is good. He was with his friends. How it should be at his age. He has all his life to be with one person and let’s hope that that one person will be a loving one who cares for him and wants to be with him too?

 

We still don’t know if he will get into next year for his college course. I’m not sure when we will learn of this. I guess when they see what his results will be? It may end up where he gets a job rather than going back, I’m not really fussed either way, as long as he is happy.

 

When we return from our holiday, he is staying down south with the family of his gf.

I just hope to God, our bird will be OK? We are only going for a week, and we will fill his food, it’s the water I’m a little worried about. But I bought a huge bottle, so I will put that in also a small one he has now, I may fill and freeze just before we leave, put that on too, OK it will melt within a few hours, but it may make a difference between a days of living? Oh I love him and hope he will be alright.

 

I have LC with me today; she wasn’t impressed that her Daddy left her behind this morning.

 

Hub has a long meeting this morning in his tiny office and this afternoon, two interviews. He said if he takes her in the office, she stinks, so that is embarrassing, haha. And if he leaves her, she screams. Bless her she looked so sad this morning.

 

OK, I must let them out, groom them and then start the house work, oh, after I eat. My belly thinks its throat is cut…  Where does that saying come from? It’s a saying you don’t hear anymore. A shame all the old talk of England is dying. The other day, there was a person who died; she spoke in a tongue known to Yorkshire people. I can’t remember what the accent is called now, but she was the last person to talk in this way in England. I think in years to come, everyone will all talk in the same accent. I hope I’m wrong?

 

Later with love. X

THE BLACK SUN BY FIONA CUMMINGS

THE BLACK SUN

BY FIONA CUMMINGS

As the sun Shon through my window

I had memories of the colour yellow

Though my eyes see a muddy grey

This is how I wake each day

I have to force myself to live

And a happy face I must give

As who wants to know the real me

For sure not me

As in my heart and soul

I am not in control

As I’m the half of another

At birth we couldn’t be together

She was gifted with sight

Everything in her life was just right

I was branded with a curse

Handed an empty purse

Whereas hers was full of gold

But she leads a plastic life

For me stories I have told

Of hardships and reality

And my love is quality

My hand is always there to hold

My name is stamped in your heart in bold

My arms are open wide

I can’t drive

But    with you a journey we will ride

I can’t see but will know you’re there to love you

For my soul is from a dark and meaningful past

And what I say my words will last

 She is as free as a bird

And your words she has never heard

One day I hope to meet with her

When she will change into cotton from fur

 She may swap me her precious sight

And then I will feel so right

As then I will see

 I will be free

And still have the memory

Of times gone by

When I did cry

For her and myself

And she can learn what life has been like for me

To exist not being able to see

Then she will be free

Of all what was guilt

Always warm in her velvet quilt

Never knew what fear was like

Her wheels always turned on her shiny red bike

When it’s her time

When her money has run dry

And she has learned how to cry

Then she will appreciate the laughs

That will be real

And she can look back at my rough deal

And perhaps share her vision

And together we can make a decision

She will be a better person

And I will learn of happiness

She won’t know what she looks like in her new dress

So will have to rely on my words

She will think back how she took for granted

Her golden threads

And how she ranted

About the slightest thing

How she wanted the biggest ring

The finest food

All the things she thought made her feel so good

Her new life would be so different

She will learn to say thank you

And her life will be so true

She won’t see her eyes looking back at her

Just know they are blue

She won’t see how her hair is

If it’s straight or in a frizz

She will have to learn to touch

And touch hearts of others

To be a good sister to her brothers

And not laugh in the faces of her past lovers

To be a better daughter

For her wants, have gone to the slaughter

Her days will be split into quarters

Rather than flying by

I will take a look into her life

And see if I would swap

I would be able to go on my own to shop

To look at the beautiful clothes I can by

To sit and take a coffee

And watch people passing by

To see the smile on my child’s face

To visit my favourite place

And be able to see the architecture

And the history

To see the expressions as I give my lecture

To those who just have no idea?

On what it’s like to live in fear

I will swim in the wide ocean without wondering how I will get back

I will never see again the sun so black

I will look up to the azure sky

And see the silver stars so high

I will love the seasons

Changing of colours

Something in my past, that was for others

But this would be my future

A whole new culture

Another world

A different life

As for her?

Will she be a wife?

Trapped in her walls

A slave till he calls?

Or will she take her pills each day

Hoping that the pain will just go away

Even for a second

If I visit her will she beckon?

Me to give her back her world?

What do you reckon?

Will I keep all or share the gold?

 

HELP THE POOR ELDERLY

OK, fit to burst now. And believe me Bloggets that would not be a pretty sight. But just had tea, and really full. My boy resting now until he is out for round three. Really, it’s like a wrestling match. It’s so good to see. I just now have to worry whilst he has told me he is going out all night, till six tomorrow morning, so no sleep for me tonight.

 

I just hope tomorrow he is able to do his college work?

 

I can’t believe how hot it is here today, it’s like being abroad, apart from the blooming noisy traffic.

 

The birds sing until there is no voice left in their little throats.

 

We have removed some of their houses today as we cut back and down the shrubs and so on around the garden.

 

So, tonight’s subject?

Homes for the elderly.

Of late on our Television, we have seen dreadful disturbing footage of secret cameras of old people’s homes. Oh the video’s showed elderly asking for the toilet for two hours, an old lady being punched as she cried for her son, then old people getting called dreadful names. These people committing these crimes are evil and all the latest criminals got was four months in prison. Four months? For punching and nipping an old lady? What worry me are mentally ill people getting the jobs to work with our old people...

And they have to be mentally ill, they are not normal if they treat people in such a manner.

 

 I never ever would put my parents into an old people’s home, I know that some people have no choice, and it is these people who I really feel for. The stress and worries they must have as they consider where to put their loved ones.

 The person, who sentenced these workers, should be jailed themselves. The old people were perfectly healthy intelligent people. Not freaks or punch bags. It is a shocking time of our lives when this is still happening now days. Get the tech the camera’s into homes and film these sick individuals and string them up. Free the poor old people from pain and heal the hearts and minds of the children who really don’t have a choice other than place their parents in homes.

 

 

TEEN TALK TO THE THORNS

 Hi Bloggets, did you know that today is the world’s first giraffe day?

 Why? I hear you screaming! Well, because it is the longest day. It is to raise awareness of the fact that their numbers in the wild are dwindling. So go on, get yourself a Gerry!

 

Today started with the postman knocking on our door. I didn’t even hear it as Hub woke me asking where the keys were. I was in a state of sleep I’m not used to. I must have slept so well because of what I am going to tell you in a mo. jo.

 

When Hub came back upstairs, he told me I forgot to close all the doors down stairs and the dogs were on the couch.

 

I told him I had locked them and closed all interior. He said no, the front door was locked, but all inside doors were open.

 

I turned on my phone as wanted a long sleep, though it was before nine when I did this, but I was awake now. There was a text from my Son at four this morning….

“Hi Mum. I know this is random, but I’m at … …. House and I are safe and sleeping over…

 

So his friend’s house. My God? What? Anyway, came back at half twelve this afternoon, spoke on the phone to what I thought was a man, turned out to be his friend who is a girl. She sounds like a man now days. Then he went fishing and tonight he is out having fun what kids of his age should be doing, though I think tonight may be a little wild, as he said he won’t be back till six in the morning…

 

He had a great night out the other day with his friends; it’s nice to see he is having fun at last in his life.

 

I just hope tomorrow he will study? As really close to his final days and he has loads to catch up with. I don’t know if he will be doing next year, but if he wants to, he has so much work to do in such little time.

 

If he doesn’t want to he will chill for a few months then look for work. I’m not really bothered what he does, as long as he is happy. I wish for this so much. We are a long way off that too.

 

My friend came around with her puppy and her daughter in her lovely dress for the Prom. Gosh it doesn’t seem like a year since teen was going with lovely Emily. His very good friend from school. Sadly she liked him more than a friend so he had to tell her he couldn’t see her again, because of you know who. She was a lovely girl too. But no one knows their future and he may end up friends with her again.

 

Hub and I spent most of the day in the garden. Oh my, we are cut to bits with thorns. I bought some gardening gloves, but you need to see with them. I couldn’t feel a thing with them on, so they came off and my fingers ended up rather sore.

It’s a nightmare to garden when you can’t see.

 

Now going to make tea. We are having leek pie. Teen loves it.

 

Its loads of mash potato. Lots of butter and you cook your leeks in butter, then add salt, then put it in the bottom of your casserole dish. Then add two cans of baked beans in tomato sauce. Then cheese slices and mash on the top. Cook in oven for half an hour then for the last twenty minutes, add loads of cheese and put back in the oven. I have told loads of friends about this and they make it and love it. I know it doesn’t sound too good, but kids love it.

 

OK, for now I will go but tomorrow a serious blog. May come back in our room later for a chat. X

BREAKFAST IN THE FIFI BLOGGET HOUSEHOLD

OK, here is Fifi’s menu for todays breakfast choice.

Breakfast of French toast

Ingredients

2 eggs

1 cup of milk

4 slices of white bread

Mix eggs and milk well in a bowl.
2) dip the bread in the mixture.
3) heat oil
4) deep fry the bread

Serve with tinned tomatoes

 

10 Minute Potato Egg Cheese Breakfast

Ingredients

1 potato

2 eggs

Cheese

Butter/oil

1 Wash your potato stab it and cook in the microwave for 6 minutes

2 don’t burn yourself, but put butter in frying pan or oil. Wait till its hot then chop potato into cubes and fry

3 pour over eggs mix it around the pan and add lots of cheese

Spanish Omelette

Ingredients

4 eggs

3 potatoes boiled and cut

1 onion

2 tomatoes

Salt

Coriander

1 break eggs into large mixing bowl. Beat until very fluffy

2 add onion, potato, tomato, salt and coriander

Pour mixture into pan of melting butter flip over after three minutes you can add some cheese and put pan only leaving handle out under the very hot grill. This is a Fifi tip as this will make your omelette rise

Only grill for one moment, remember to leave handle out of grill.

Enjoy.