Sitting outside in our dreadful noisy garden. I can’t stand
much more of this. Typical that teen has found a girlfriend around the corner
from here bad time keeping. I’m not kidding, there is a car goes by every half
second each way. So four cars per second. And the road has not been surfaced
since these houses were built almost thirty years ago. So each bump can be heard
and the engines are magnified the pollution is disgraceful and to top that,
someone somewhere is burning fires not sure if it’s the fields, fields? Where?
People tell me that the horrid smells is coming from the fields. Well, I don’t
know where there are any fields here apart from the local school and the park
and I don’t think that will be a place where they will put manure?
In the distance I hear the parrot. I love to hear him. I can’t
hear the birds right now sadly as the road sounds are too loud right now. Where
on earth are all the cars going? Hub said that no one will buy our house
because of the road. Smile. We did? Haha. When I came to look at this house Hub
was in America, so I feel a forever guilt because he isn’t happy here, but, it
was pouring with rain, so little time was spent admiring the garden. Also
remember I can’t see so I didn’t see the disguise that the previous owner had
in place as a barrier for the noise. When we moved in, oh my, there were fern
trees and thick ivy as well as a large shed at the bottom of the garden. Oh a
truck has just gone by, followed by a bus and a van pulling a trailer which
sounds empty as it bounces its tinny self along the gravelled ground and my
neighbours bless them are having to shout at each other to be heard. And they
normally are the quietest gentle spoken people.
Our house is lovely, the people are great, I have made a few
loyal friends and it is so close to everything. I thought it was perfect. The
church for Hub is a three minute walk. Our bus stop to our town and so on is a
two minute walk. Nearest restaurant is an nine minute or just over as is the
vet, local shop and the Doctors dentist chemist is fifteen minutes’ walk. The
cinema and lots of other eateries as well as a huge supermarket is an eighteen
minute walk but you have to cross the dangerous road and bowling alley is over
there too and the park, a five minute walk. Town is jut two miles away but
because we have London traffic, it takes on good days just over fifteen minutes
to get there by taxi, twenty five on bus and on bad days at least double. Just
for two miles. But when we moved here, I thought it was great for Hub and Teen
and Teen loves the house and area, but he says he is a city boy. Where as Hub
and myself are country people, but, when you can’t see, you can’t live in a
perfect location. Have a good area too. You have to live where it is convenient.
Hub is so ready for moving. Personally, I don’t know how we will do it again. It
almost killed me last time, but as I said to Hub last night, he again was
abroad when we were about to move for four weeks leading up to the move, he was
home one day per week. I had all of the packing to do it was hellish as you
know I have so many precious items to wrap We would have to spend a lot of
money which we don’t have to get help and on our last day the day we moved my
brother in law drove us from old too new as well as helped the useless removal
company to load the vvan. Oh my goodness I will never forget that day, those
days.
Hub has been looking at houses closer to work. But if we
move there, it’s too far from our friends. I know we only see them about once
every six weeks, but the knowledge that if we ever need anything urgently, we
know that they will be there and this is too important.
Sighted people are so lucky, even those who can’t see but
have sighted partners, you can live anywhere. We have to pick. Did I pick badly?
I personally don’t believe so. We could have ended up in a quiet house, but
were miles from everything or find somewhere peaceful in the garden, but rough
as soon as we left the front door. Our neighbours here all look out for one another
and are really friendly, so there you go… Smile. Grump over.
Today in the news I was reading about a lady in South Africa
who stole a baby from a hospital many years ago and now it has been discovered
who the child who is now I believe a teenager
Belonged to. The lady
has gone to court and has been jailed for I think ten years. The little girl or
teen, doesn’t want to know her natural parents.
How do I feel about this subject? Very sad. Firstly, you
have to ask why did the lady take the baby? Then you have to feel for the mother
who lost her baby. Gosh I can’t think of anything worse. When I had my baby in
hospital, I was shocked by the lack of security in there. I took my baby everywhere
including when I had a shower, he went in the bathroom with me in his crib. I
was attached to a machine and trying to get me, the machine and the baby to the
bathroom on my own was a nightmare. I even slept with him if you can call it sleep,
next to me in the small hospital bed. Oh he was such a little darling. We
bonded for sure. I lay there just in complete disbelief how my so called
natural Mother could with ease get rid of me as a new born babe. Outside my
room door, I heard the 16 year old new mothers discussing how they didn’t want
their baby’s and how they had lives to live so they were adopting. I ached for
those innocent babies. What futures they were going to have. OK they would have
ended up with better parents as I did but the knowledge of their background
would haunt them forever. I have scars that will not heal. I wanted to choke
those girls. And in the next room was a poor lady whose baby was still born.
She screamed during the night and her cries remain on my mind forever. She
wanted her baby so badly, it was taken from her. The girls didn’t want their
children and they were given healthy babies. What a world we live in. My
adopted Mum wanted children so badly and couldn’t have them naturally so gave
her love to me and my brother. How difficult that must have been for her to
look at us and know we didn’t resemble her or my Dad at all an yet she never
let us know her feelings other than she would have given us the best and loved
us like a parent who had given birth and I’m sure this lady in SA did that with
the baby who wasn’t hers by birth.
I feel for the child who has been put in such a difficult
situation. She is far too young to know what she wants. Of course she loves her
Mum who is now in jail. She will be afraid grieving for her loss and very
confused because her natural parent isn’t who she thought she was. She has lived
a lie. How can she ever trust her Mother again? By meeting her natural parents,
who are they? Strangers and by meeting them, the girl will feel like she is
letting her Mum down. The poor girl, I only hope she has help from someone, I
mean, who now will be looking after the girl?
As for the natural Mother, knowing her baby is out there
almost grown up without a parent, I just can’t even imagine the pain.
I just wish people would think before having babies? It’s
great on the odd occasion when it all works out. If you do get pregnant and you
are not with the father, if you both end up together forever and bring your
baby up in a wanted environment, fantastic, but whether or not the couple are
going to remain happy, is another thing. With all the contraception these days,
why are people still having children when they are not fully with a partner? I
have just learned that a young girl is with child and she is not with a
partner. I’m old fashioned I know. And though I had been married ten years
before my Son was born, some would say, including me, I felt alone with him. I
just wish people could live in a perfect world where babies were planned wanted
and needed in a perfect relationship. Do I live in a fantasy world? I guess I
do. My Son is always telling me that Hub and I are well behind the times. And I
guess we are.
Whilst I have been writing this, some drama has just been caused
so I must go to try to fix it. I don’t think this will be possible, just
another crappy day ahead. I’m out of the way from indoors on my own and trouble
just follows me. Smile. Gosh for those of you who have a stress free life, you
are so lucky, and I hope you have a nice breakfast when you wake up? Haha.
Just got a smell coming from my Mother in laws roses. Among
the burning wood fields whatever and traffic. Bless her forever. Will miss her
always and so pleased she lives on not only in our heart but garden.
Until later with love, I hope your Monday has got off to a
good start. X
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