THE WALK OF FEAR

Good evening Bloggets. Few, after my last rather thought provoking blog, I thought I best come back with something ever so slightly lighter?

 

Or perhaps not. Let’s see as I never ever know what I’m going to write about. Seriously, unless I’ve been specifically asked to write about something, if it’s up to me, I just chat on line as I would in the same room as you...

 

Today my Brother and Sister in Law fly back from the US. Smile, I didn’t even know they had gone until I saw it on Facebook. I had been told, but it was so long ago and my memory is scary. Today I learned that my youngest Niece is in Cyprus…. Really? Hahaha. Okay.

 

As for my older Niece coming today with her children and puppy? Well, that’s another story.

 

When I wrote my earlier blog, I said Hub was at work away, he is still not home and it’s now seven. He left the house at half seven this morning so will be a long day.

 

I really didn’t want to go out earlier, but I’m delighted to say I did. It was awful though. I don’t think I will ever get used to going out.

 

Already the sky I’m sure was dark it just had that feeling. The sky seemed to be low and that sounds silly I know, but I felt as though if I were to reach up high, I would be able to touch the clouds. Now I know this is impossible, don’t worry, I haven’t totally lost the plot. Just that was how it felt to my broken vision.

 

Turning corners up and down steps. Passing all of the thick polluted traffic as Wagga and I went by. Now Waggs isn’t a fan of going out in the dark, I guess it would have been dusk. As though the late afternoon was kissing the evening to greet the night in.

 

Once again the smell of smoky wood in the air. From I guess wood burners.

 

The odd fire work went off as it’s almost that time of year again in the UK.   Guy Fawkes Night. My Wagga doesn’t seem afraid so that is good. Especially as we had to go out.

 

Oh the traffic. It was at a standstill without a space in between the vehicles. All the engines were on and I felt so dizzy and confused. But I kept calm even though for part a large part of the walk, I felt as though I had ventured onto the road. Were the cars stopping for me? No, don’t be stupid Fiona.

 

The nasty branches once again atact me but not as bad as in the past. Poor little Wagga was almost on her knees. She didn’t like the cars. I won’t make that mistake again going out in the dark and in bad traffic time. I just thought it would be good for her as we never ever go out in the dark and it’s something she really should do in case of an emergency I just wasn’t banking on so much traffic.

 

Anyway, we got back home and only because my beautiful guide dog lead the way. I really needed her relied on her totally tonight and she worked. Funny thing when we got back I fed her and let her out then she went back to her bed and has been there ever since. I think she is exhausted just with stress bless her. But I really am happy in myself that I did it. I was able to do our jobs and I now feel so pleased with myself because it was a difficult challenge that I really should do more of. Rather than the simple walks to the shops in quiet sunny times.

 

When I had sight, I had and of course still have RP. This meant though at the time I could see, I couldn’t see in the dark. No way I would or could have gone out. I love that freedom. It’s almost like seeing. I can go out in the dark and walk about. It’s amazing. Mind you, my eyes were playing tricks. Though I know it was dark my eyes were seeing white. So in front of me was a sheet of bright white light. A blanket of white. No shadows nothing, and I kept telling myself, oh gosh I’m in the wrong place as it should be shady here as I know there are trees? If no shade, no trees wrong road. But then sounds and the feelings under my feet spoke with my brain and I was back on track.

 

I do feel sick inside though I have not been able to have any dinner as really, I am still shaking. I really think I am the worst person when it comes to independence out of the home. I feel like I have been on a horrific roller coaster. Just got off. Loud music playing can’t hear anything familiar dizzy but excited to have had such a thrill.

 

OK will go for now, but want to say, thank you all for being here on my journey. X