SIX LONG WEEKS

Good evening Bloggets. It’s the weekend again. It’s Friday. And six weeks since we had to get my husband’s Guide dog put to sleep. In our opinion days before she was so healthy happy and wanting to work and I think that is what has made this grieving so difficult. Along with the fact it was only almost one year since we had to say goodbye to my first guide dog BB. A.K.A Hannah to. We were still so upset about losing her. She was part of the furniture for sure.

 

 Hub said he had a bad day at work today, dealing with the loss of LC. Me? I’m so much in pain still. I think part of it is the fact I can’t break down in front of Hub as he is totally devastated still. It’s as though she has been stolen from us. I just can’t believe this Christmas we are not going to have our stunning character, our family member. My Husbands left arm his eyes if you like. The personality I miss it so badly. I still feel as though my throat has been cut. That is the only way I can describe it. My heart hurts and I miss the physical part of her loss too. I want to cuddle her and pull her from wherever she is now. She belongs here with us. It’s not fair she was just turned nine.

 

Some people will say get a grip. She was a dog. No, she was our life line and our heart beat. She wasn’t just a dog. A guide dog is never just a dog ever. They are miracles they are angels. They are put onto this earth to serve and they don’t complain. Without Hubs dog I really don’t know how we would have managed our life for the past seven years that we have been together.

 

So our Son?

At the awkward stage of a teenager who really complains at almost anything he is asked to do, we would for sure have been prisoners. We have had to go to solicitors, banks, shops, meetings, Doctors on train journeys to meet with people and more.

 

We went to the local church here when we first moved. It was a great way to make friends. If not for that, we wouldn’t know anyone. Our neighbours saw us in the street going on our way, if not for LC we would have been in the house all of the time. It was the confidence I saw in my Hub  that made me realise as a blind person without any confidence at all, I could also do things like the shops chemists and just go for a walk even though as pathetic as only to the shop and back without buying. Just to feel the outside world on my face. Just to break free from these four walls.

 

 My Husband managed to travel all over the country with his girl LC. He was able to attend meetings from his local office, to The Houses of Parliament, 10 Downing Street and even the Palace to meet with the Queen. A guide dog can truly be a lifeline.

 

So now his job doesn’t in tale all of those places of meetings, but we still need to get out. Still need to know if we want a loaf of bread that actually has taste, we can get it. The local shop I go to is very basic. So we live like this now.

 

We do only internet shopping. So no feeling textures, feeling to see if the fruit we are buying is soft? No smelling perfumes just buy as we like the name. No pictures as of course we can’t see them. We may have to pay more as we can’t shop around. So with my dog we survive. But our LC could take Hub to places of interest and it meant we could have really nice food from the bakers in our town. I miss those coffee afternoons when Hub and I would be walking on our route and hey, we would smell coffee. Hub would ask LC to find the door. Sometimes the fragrance would seem as though it was leaving us. Hub would ask LC to find the door again as we would be going past it? But no, she knew where to go. The door was perhaps past the place where the coffee machine was sending out its lovely notes of caffeine.

 

We would sit with our coffee and how proud we would feel. I was bursting with pride with Hubs LC. She would lie under the table and not make a sound or movement until we said it was time to go. Hub would put on her harness I would take out my white cane and follow her to the best of my ability which did end out with  quite a lot of stress, but when we got home, gosh, we had done it. A team.