This is what I wrote one yeare ago today
R.I.P Hannah 2 September 2014
Whilst my heart is broken, and my stomach aches with a loss
I will never forget, I now today for the first time, feel like I can write. My
world is in a haze and I breathe smell and walk through motions of life, an yet
can’t live without suffering.
To some my BB was just a dog, to me she was life. She took
me from a dreadful state in life many years ago to a whole new world of less
confusion and a sense of freedom
She was the love when I didn’t have any from a partner and
apart from my Son, a family when I dreadfully missed my parents. She was always
there no matter what. She knew when I was low and played when I, had time. She
herself was a prisoner to me, chained to me, but I was a loving warden who
didn’t want to ever let her free to the beyond where we don’t understand.
But I really hope she has found a perfect place to live now,
and I hope she will get looked after as she was a shy little girl and kept away
from trouble and conflict. I have really fallen out with my belief of afterlife
an God or our maker of late because of so many things going on right now, but
where else has she gone?
The lump in my throat is huge. The ulcer in my stomach burns
and my tiered stained face is cut.
My Husband has been amazing, as he too is suffering; our
dogs have been until today really odd. So quiet and haven’t wanted to play,
though to try to get them out of their depression, we have tried to play with
them.
Putting two dogs to bed and shouting for two dogs to go out,
feeding two dogs rather than three, and missing so much of what my BB/ Hannah
used to do. The pet names we had for her too. It’s horrible, excruciating. I
have lost pets before but my first guide dog, and what she meant to me. She was
so unique. She used to lay down, with her little legs crossed like a real lady.
I felt her amber eyes though couldn’t see them; the love she projected from
them was so warm.
I want so much to get a sign that she is OK. But so far
nothing.
First poem was written eight months before she died, when
she retired.
Second, a year ago today.
Hannah and I took our last walk today and a sad day it was.
I have cried so much
PAWS 4 THOUGHT
BY FIONA CUMMINGS
I was in your shadow
It was you I was to follow
Such pride you did show
I am so grateful for you, you know
I put on my coat and shoes
Inside my nerves I knew I would lose
But you put your little head in my hand
Patiently you did seem to understand
And the world was ours
You gave me powers
You gave me hope
Unleashed the rope
You showed me love and happiness
Oh my little beauty our days I will miss
For ten years my loyal friend
With me until the end
You were my first guide
It’s not been an easy ride
But we got there my little Labrador
Now my tears hit the floor
As I have to hang up your lead
My heart does bleed
Your harness will be handed back
As I say thank you to my beauty in black
Kiss your head
And shake your paw
Make you a comfortable bed
And we will play forever more
Your working days are over
But my love will show forever
Thank you my darling Hannah
Copyright Fiona Cummings 2013
ANGEL BEAUTY
BY
FIONA CUMMINGS
A perfect peaceful place
Sunshine on your face
Water by your side
Laying on a blanket
All calm so very quiet
No more pain
A forever game
Your favourite toy
You gave so much joy
Your loyalty was phenomenal
They say you were just an animal
But to me you were my world
A very special girl
You saw the way clear in the fog
You were an amazing dog
Grateful for just a
walk in the park
You were the light in my world of dark
A pocket full of treats
We would find the wooden seat
Watch the world go by
Why did you have to
die?
Now it is your turn
No more work
Nothing left to learn
Time for you
A window with a view
A happy free existence
Every day a new experience
Your four paws can
run free
You no longer have to be tied to me
But now who will help me to see
I will miss you my
little beauty
For always you were such a cutie
Fly now to the angel above
It’s time for them now to show you love
I shall never forget you
Or ever stop loving you
You opened my world
With your heart of gold
You stood by me
Each and every day
You never once turned away
Your amber eyes looked up to me
Even though you knew I could not see
I knew you were looking into my heart
And you shall be there always
Though now we must part
Goodnight my Black Beauty
I pray you will be happy
Thank you for everything
Now hop onto the angels wing
My heart is torn in two
As I am going to miss you
And will never forget
My darling pet
Copyright Fiona Cummings
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