MONDAYS DIARY

Good evening Bloggets of mine. Will I press the publish button? I have written things over and over again. Then went to publish and pressed the cancel button. Or delete. My head is all over the place. It’s Monday evening. The forth night without our girl and I can tell you it’s not any better. Nor is it easier. I’m not going to write a long depressing blog as there is no need. I have said what I need to say, to express my feelings and my Husbands. Hopefully by doing this, I will have been able to reach out to someone who is going through the same.

 

I remember when I lost my Mum; I was in so much shock. I kept phoning people and asking

“Do you have a pain in your stomach? Did you have when you’re Mum/Dad died?”

 

No one understood me. I swear I thought I was dying. I was young and hadn’t experienced such grief. I was still grieving over my Dad who died less than six months earlier. This was a double whammy. As is it is for our beautiful guide dog LC. A year after my BB. And the shock of it all is just too much to take in.

 

But we are still here, though feeling like we have been in a car crash. My body aches. It’s as though everything is broken inside of me. We could fill the neighbour’s wheelie bins with tears we have cried.  There was one point when we didn’t think it possible for us to be OK at the end of this. As for now? Well today Hub worked from home. His brain is starting to work better now. Though he feels no better. He sorted out things that he just can’t do in front of his staff at work things that would make him upset.

 

Tomorrow is the big day when he returns. For me I’m meeting two ladies from Guide dogs. We are to have a meeting so that will fill in some time.  I just hope by tomorrow my brain will be working, as now, it’s really not. I can’t plan or think streight. My face feels frozen. How I’m going to be cheerful tomorrow, is no one’s business I mean, how? But I have never been the kind of person who can just show my feelings. Write them, yes.

 

You have all been so kind. So caring taking time out to write to me either email, groups I’m in or phone. Thank you so much.

 

It’s the speed of things that have shocked us. From what we thought was a healthy dog to gone.

 

Hubs colleagues have been so kind. I just hope tomorrow he won’t break down and can paint on his fake laughter but I pray worrying about him won’t eat my insides any more than they are already eaten away.

 

So what has been happening in your world the past few days? I hope you are all OK?

 Teen’s car needs more work on it but he has no money and we have lent him already so bless him he said he doesn’t want anymore. Few?

 

He is doing so well at work.

 

As for little Waggs? She’s a sad pup who has moments of madness just like the old little thing that she was before the death of LC.  Then it’s as though she remembers and gets all morose

It’s rained all day today. Its cold now too we have the heating on.

It’s dark now, at five past seven its sunset in the UK

 

Hub just poured me a drink. Its something our dear friends brought us. It has mint in it. That’s all I’m saying. Smile.

 

I will be back with I hope lots more news tomorrow. But for now, just to say thank you and you all mean so much to me. With love always.