Good morning Bloggets. It’s 6am and Hub has just left for a
train followed by a two and a half hour journey to his place of work today. His
colleague is picking him up from the train station for the awful long drive.
It’s a conference where he has a speech to make.
It’s raining, that kind of fine drizzle. But warm.
I am up as had to see to Black beauty. Oh last night was
horrible and worrying. She was like she was a couple of weeks ago where she
just couldn’t walk. Hub checked her pulse and it was double what it should be. Then
when we eventually got her out for her business, she lay down in the middle of
the back yard. We got her up and she just stood and didn’t want to come in.
I put her to bed separate to the other two girls and she
didn’t know where she was. It is so sad. She isn’t crying like she was last
week, just as though she has no energy.
Today I really didn’t think she would be alive. I felt sick
through the night and wanted to just come and sit with her, but I thought she
also needs a good sleep. This morning when I walked down stairs, I heard her
trying to get up bless her. She managed on her own, this is something she
couldn’t do a couple of weeks ago. But when she walked through the living room,
back hall where the other two were and kitchen, she went for a drink, but if
you could have heard it, the slowest drinking I have ever heard a dog do and
only a few sips, then rather than go out, she lay down again.
LC, is very concerned about her too, bless her. And last
night, Waggatail, wouldn’t leave her. Oh, if only they could talk? I’m going to
call the vet and I think I will ask them to make a home visit as no way I am
going to try to get her to them. I’m listening to her breathing now and she is
in a deep sleep. Oh God, I can’t bear any more horribleness in my life right
now and to lose my little girl will be so bad. So painful. I have had her since
teen was five, so twelve years. She has moved three houses with me and even
dressed up for our wedding in a huge yellow rosette made by my dear much missed
Mother in law. Even her and LC, joined in with the last dance as the entire
congregation formed a massive circle to hold hands and dance. That was so
funny, bless them, I didn’t agree with that for the dogs, but LC loved it. Just
to see her ill now is horrible and not to know what is wrong, I am still not
convinced it’s her arthritis.
I also hate the vet as much as I hate doctors. I always feel
like they just want to end it with old things like people and animals. But my
girl is not that old this is the sad thing.
Going through town yesterday, more on our day with our
daughters later, LC, was a hero. It was packed and she was amazing. Oh we got
lost too. Only the second time this year, but not as bad as when we were lost
for four hours when we left Olga and D in their flat earlier in the summer. But
still a panic time, but thanks to my Husbands bravery not fallen apart like I
wanted to, and my determination to tell Hub to retrace our steps he has a
really daft way of finding his way out of a difficult situation, and that is
randomly walking anywhere? Haha. Not joking, I was telling him we are going
back and that is that. He wasn’t my friend but when we did retrace our steps,
we were fine. But couldn’t have done that with a white cane, no way as in the
harness, Hub knew that LC knew when she was lost and knew when she recognised
the area. Our dogs are amazing and when my Son was little, my darling Black
beauty made it possible to take him to school and back. That is the only place
I went and I was totally terrified to step outside of the door. I think as a blind
person for me the hardest thing to do is
the school run.
God I hated that. Just knowing there were loads of children
following you, looking at your child wondering why he was so different to them.
I mean, they used to be running wild all over the place, whereas my boy had a
hold of my hand. I did used to feel dreadful and wished with all of my heart
that he could run free like them, but how could he? I couldn’t see where he was
among the crowds and how did I not know if he had been snatched or ran onto a
road? So she my lovely girl, used to guide us even making sure she made the
gaps big enough to let her, and two of us through rather than just me.
Then walking back, my dog was on the list to be a reject,
when guide dogs just don’t make it, but they qualified her with me… Hence one
of the many reasons I never went anywhere. But I say one of many.
So on the way back from our school drop off, we made that
journey that should have lasted ten twelve minutes, go on for forty minutes as
she would go on a wild goose Chace.
Then on the way back, trying to fight my way through kids in
the playground and mothers who were the most ignorant people on earth. Where I
lived two houses ago, the people were horrible and never moved out of the way
in fact they used to make it more difficult for me by forming in their words,
“Human walls.
Horrible people. This is why I moved from that area. Then
trying to find the right time to ask BB to turn in to one of the many doors to
wait for my Son.
The reason I got a guide dog, was because the kids were
making fun of my Son in the playground of me with my white cane and Mothers
were being horrible as of course you have to make sure there is nothing in
front of you, by moving the stick left to right, and you are really meant to
sweep it far left and right, I never did as always people would complain. Oh I
got told I should never be allowed out of the house and so many other horrible
things. I didn’t want to leave the house, I was OK in my prison thank you, but
had to get my Son to school. I mean, how dare they when I think back, but even
yesterday in town, I caught a couple of ankles you do as you can’t see who is
standing silent to you, just standing in the middle of the path or even looking
at something in the window of a shop? And when the town was so packed like
yesterday, it’s impossible not to tap someone. Also the white cane is rubbish
as if someone stops in front of you, it’s too late, you slam into them, as I
really am affected by the early horrible people in my early days of mobility
and don’t use the cane properly. Some days just push it in front of me. This is
not good, as whatever is at my side, I bump into. But rather hurt myself, as
hear tuts and complaints from others, I must say though, most of the people in
our town, don’t complain, possibly because a lot of them are foreign tourists
and can’t talk English? Hehehe.
OK, starting to ramble, I’m going back to bed now I won’t
sleep. Just lay there. I hope not with horrible thoughts about my Darling Black
beauty. My heart really can’t take much more pain.
I will be back later with the story of meeting our daughters
and our day with them later. X
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