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Wednesday, 24 January 2018

A PART OF MY HEART BY FIONA CUMMINGS


Oh, my goodness. What a day. Let’s just say I don’t want to have anything to do with my bank for a while. Never mind, it’s mild out side no ice and all is OK.

 

Shamrock came and took Boy Wonder out for some fun… She is driving him one hour and forty minutes from here, away for something that will last max one hour… and isn’t even booked. So, when they get there, they could be turned down, but hey ho, there’s always shopping… She has no idea of timing and she told me it was just under an hour away, when in fact in this traffic, it’s over an hour and a half. They left at half one this afternoon so they will be in perfect time for all the children out of school.

 

Where are they going? Well sham likes to surprise BW so he doesn’t know, but by the time this is published, he will know where he is going. So, they have gone to a place where there are bouncy castles….

I hope for 6 feet 4-inch 14 stone men.

Shamrock is max 5 feet, so she will be OK. It was so funny she went for a car wash and the guy had to put her car aerial down. Well, she is so small she can’t put it back up. She also can’t reach the wall cupboards in our kitchen!

 

Last night the two of them were crazy. Really hyper. It was like having two ten-year-old children. Our Little Fella was joining in, just to add to the noise and poor Hub was in bed ill. He has had a huge flair up with his TN. Not sure why, normally it’s brought on so bad by stress and everything at work is OK and home, unless there’s something from his past annoying him… I hate it when he is in pain it’s so sad.

 

I did 20 minutes on the mill tonight and last night 19… Haha, tomorrow may be 21? Gosh it’s so boring. Hub loves it. Why? How even is that possible? At least I don’t come off in agony now. just frozen cold. It’s too cold out there.

 

For all my Guide dog owner Bloggets I’ve had the call…. Yep, the C word for the other word we dread. Aftercare!

 

The lady who is my guide dog instructor is my favourite that I have ever had. I still hate it… My Waggatail has to work her best as do I. We have to remember all the things that we were taught… it’s like taking a driving test… Seriously it is. I’m so critical of myself and feel she will be too, and who can blame her?

 

Another early morning tomorrow as my painter is coming at half eight. He works until five at night and doesn’t stop… I got my iPhone before to try to see what colour the walls are… oh, my what colour did I pick? Well, one picture reads grey. Another white. Another brown. So, I still don’t know and BW has spent three minutes with me today so I haven’t had chance to ask him.

 

I don’t even know what’s happening with the gloss work… it feels really odd but that could be the paint I have picked or, the painter may have used something different to put on the doors etc before he uses the real paint…

  

Whatever he knows his stuff. I’m sure it will look great when he’s finished and that is supposed to be Friday, but who knows, it could be Thursday? Not knowing what has been done it’s hard to say. Bless him, does he eat? I am so used to lazy workmen who go away to eat, then have a drink or ten and then go away as they need to pick something up, that really annoys me because they know what job is to be done so why not bring all the tools they need?

  

Oh, guess what? You know I said I was going to see our school friends? We are meeting at our besties house. And, my friend JB, gave me the best news… one of the delegation, him, isn’t coming. Great news… so, it will be Trix, The Like man, I hope Hanz, JB, possibly Sarah and Trace and of course Hub and myself. And, five dogs now not six because he’s, not going… So, a day when no lies will be told! How I was took in by him for so many years, but no more. He’s been sussed.

 

I have written before Trix and I have been friends forever. Since we were teeny weeny girls. She was my first little pal at my first dreadful boarding school. And, like Hub, when we were 12, sadly, we all parted but thank God, we were all reunited 28 years later and my first little boyfriend from school became my Husband. And all us girls are back in touch, with now the Like man who is the husband of Trix and has become best friends with Hub and myself and then there are the children who are all grown up now. Well, kind of… I was reading today that adolescence now in the UK has moved from 19, to 24. People are not moving out like they used to and marrying so young. Having children as young either or buying their first homes at such an age like they did at one time.

On average people now in the UK marry around 27 and have their first child in their thirties. It used to be marry at 19 and early twenties have your first child… then it came to me. I had to break all the rules. I married my ex when I was 17 and had my first and only baby when I was in my late twenties.    

 

I would honestly say I didn’t grow up properly until I was with my baby. I had to grow up in many ways, grow up differently, from I was six, I had to dress myself in the mornings making sure I had my uniform on the right way, knowing   where my shoes were among another 29 little girl’s shoes, who were in dormitories on the same floor as myself and know where my coat was for school. I had to know how to change from school clothes to what we called play clothes at night, there were no parents there to lay out my clothes on my bed. Even down to underwear, I had to know what to do with that. Bathed myself even ran the bath, can you imagine letting your six-year-old child do that?

 

There was no supervision apart from an abhorrent, beastly, detestable, red headed angry bitter, loathsome, thieving cruel creature who went under the name of Elizabeth. She was blind. She sent shivers down my spine. Having said all that, I do know of one person who liked her… but I know more people who felt the same as me.

 

 Oddly my next school, there was another woman but that one came with a Husband so, double trouble and double cruelty and that woman was even worse than the first one, something I never thought was possible.

 

When I was at my second boarding school, I had to learn things like when not to run out of shampoo. Soap, toothpaste and so on. I had to budget. My Mum used to send me a £5 note through the post. I used to feel so sad and guilty. The pain I felt was too bad. I was taking money from my Mum knowing she struggled so badly paying for bills, again, because of me. My stupid eyes. Going to Russia for eye treatment killed my parents. They said cancer for Dad and Pneumonia for my Mum, but for years they were dying as my situation didn’t help!

 

I missed my parents so badly I was home sick beyond belief. I would take the note from the envelope and hold it to my nose. Tears would just miss the money as I could smell the leather purse my Mum had. I could even smell her perfume and awful smoke from her cigarettes. Just as not eating properly is my escape smoking sadly was hers. So badly I wanted to be at home with my parents. From a tiny little girl, I knew they were so much older than me. My Mum was forty and Dad forty-seven when they adopted me at four weeks old.

 

So, at weekends if we grovelled enough and had totally kept out of trouble and bare in mind, getting into trouble at that place was daring to smile… or, saying yes when we should have said no. but if we were allowed out, my friend Mandy and myself would go to the town on the bus and head to the shop to buy what we needed that week. Even down to soap. And that was when I was still young. So, in some ways I had to grow up but in my head until my baby was born, I hadn’t really reached an age where I felt like an adult, though for ten years I had been cooking and cleaning for my ex.

 

What even is growing up? Who knows anyone who is the same age mentally at exactly the same year in their lives? So, you are 24, are you the same mentally as your neighbour who is also that age? I don’t feel my age now that is for sure, but, what is my age. The old saying goes. Age is just a number.

 

Well, goodness knows where this blog was meant to go. But my eyes are now stinging with the paint. So, I guess I should close my lap top and leave this room as the fumes are rather strong here.

 

Before I go, a cheerful ending, haha, goodness knows after the above we need it. A guy friend of mine said he was getting romantic in the bedroom with his girlfriend and her twin. I asked how can you tell them apart? To which he replied. “Her brothers got a moustache.””

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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