Good afternoon Bloggets. Gosh it’s really hot and sunny
outside today. I could feel the sun on the wood floor before I left my house
firstly to let Wagga out in her garden before going out to meet with my friend.
I would like to say the walk was pleasant, but to be honest, it wasn’t really,
as we are out of the summer blooms so no sweet smells anymore and what we are
left with are gripping grabbing branches bear from soft leaves and dry making them
sharper as I may find myself attached to one. Wagga is so good, she walks past them she can only
do what she can though. The traffic was constant. It’s an easy route but still
if I find myself thinking, really thinking about what I’m doing I really start
to panic, so I go into a zone. Not sure what this zone should be called, but it’s
almost like a hypnotic state, I can put myself in some kind of artificial self-induced
consciousness where I’m almost handing my fate over to my
mindset and my wonderful guide dog. Of course, you always have to be aware of
your surroundings and the safety of your dog and yourself has to prioritise
anything and everything, but, I forget I’m sighted, an yet have to not think
about being blind too, I stop trying after 19 years to look out of my pretty useless
eyes and I try to just breathe slowly and focus on being as calm as possible,
but it took me such a long time to get this far. Like, eighteen years. No joke.
For those losing their sight, don’t worry, I’m sure this isn’t normal, well I’m
far from normal. Most people don’t have as much anxiety and others don’t admit
to having any issues when they leave the house. I know of lots of people though
who are really anxious and would never admit to other people just how they feel
as they want to be seen as strong. The thing is, it’s not being weak being
afraid of stepping out of your safe house onto and into, streets crossing roads
and finding doors to public transport. That is my biggest fear. A bus pulls up.
What if I can’t find the door? All the people on the bus are looking at me. I don’t
want to look a fool. I feel my face going red. I start to panic and it makes
finding where I need to go much more difficult. My guide dog isn’t the best at
going to a door of a bus, she would rather see what is on the ground to eat.
Shop doors though, she is the best. I think it’s to do with her own issues she
just can’t deal very well with noise. Once she is on the bus, she is amazing.
Getting off again? Nope, her stomach rules, my Husband says she is a walking
belly haha.
Well at least I think it was my dog he was talking about???
Got me thinking now.
So, I used to walk along and think, is there a step, what if
my dog isn’t walking right in the middle or, the right side of the path? What
if something is in the way or on the ground and my dog doesn’t for whatever reason
avoid it and I fall? What if I make a wrong turning, remember our dogs go where
we tell them, so I have to have my built in Sat Nav switched on all of the
time.
Then I learned two things, only go where I know the route
100%. And chill. Breathe. Don’t think too deeply about the fact you can’t see a
thing in front of you. Listen, embrace the fact that you are able to do this,
walk route and feel proud.
It was a great feeling to be able to meet with my friend and
go into the restaurant and sit at a table waiting for her to finish work. Of
course, the waitress took me to the table, I’m not that good. Knowing me, I would
sit on someone’s knee or join a table and after two minutes realise that the
stunned couple who were, enjoying a romantic meal, have been gaping in shock at
this strange person who has joined their table. Hahaha. So, I leave that to the
staff and they are great.
I ordered a juice and enjoyed the freedom. Out of my house
and about to meet with one of my closest friends. A lady I love to bits. If
only she knew just how much she meant to me. She is like the best prescription
a Doctor could order. If I had to have a sister, and I had a choice, she would
be it. But then I wonder if we were sisters, would we be friends?
Back home now, life is back to normal. Waggs is sleeping
bless her, it’s a good job she isn’t Hubs dog, Little Fella has spent the past
two days going on trains two hours away from home, door to door. That combined with all day meetings, LF is
never tired. He will come home at quarter past seven and he left home this
morning just before 7.30, but tonight he will lollop through the door, pounce
on Waggatail and grab every toy on the floor. Make his silly sounds growling
and running like a crazy free horse and then ask to go out into the garden where
Waggs stupidly follows him like the doting dog she is and together they will
run around the garden with LF barking, as he is so good in office environments,
he let’s all the tension go when he is home.
My Son is working until nine tonight. He got five hours work
done of his work project yesterday and says he has another five hours to go.
Not sure when he will find time before Tuesday, that is his big meeting with
his top boss when he will be told if his work is good enough for promotion. He
should have a night where he doesn’t see Shamrock and get it all done. But
there is no chance that will happen. So, when he will finish his project? Not
sure but he is working every day up till the meeting.
OK, I hope your day has been different in a good way. I
shall try to make a meal now for the family where my Husband will be able to
eat quick as he will get through the door and twenty minutes later, we are due
to go out with friends to a pub quiz, and the same meal will be OK to be heated
up in the microwave an hour and a half later, when my Son comes in from work.
Hmm. Not sure what to cook. I shall go for now but before I do, some words.
“We have the power, no one can give us the kind of power
that we can give to ourselves! It’s a gift that no money can buy.
What is freedom? To do what you want and feel how you want
when you have achieved your dreams.
Sometimes to have nothing but the knowledge of being wanted,
is better than being enriched with material objects.””
© Fiona Cummings
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