THE MEANING BY FIONA CUMMINGS

The rain came down on me as if a shower in the warmest country.

I didn’t want to move. It was as if I was in a spell of wonder, like a dream or a place I had been put to stop, stop everything. Even breathing, but you know when you try to slow your breathing down and it hurts? Well this didn’t hurt, quite the opposite to be honest, it was as if my entire body was being taken over by something, something or someone, beyond anything I, or anyone I knew of has experienced before.

 

Since that moment I have spoken to people, many people who either disregarded my words, laughed or gave me their opinion and that opinion is as if to mock me and what I truly witnessed that day.

 

Even if I tried to explain to you what I felt, the emotions I lived with for a short time, there are no words in the English dictionary that will give justice to the sentiment, the love, the pure blissful feelings I felt when that rain fell down on me.

 

I’m saying it was rain, but only because my lack of ability to speak in a scientific tone, using terminology that perhaps would explain my experience in a superior way to which I am trying to communicate with you, is beyond any other way I can write these words.

 

So, it was a normal day, I dressed to go to work. I had a meeting with the director of my company and after many checks in the mirror I realised that was the best that was going to be staring back at me. As I stepped out of the house, cursing the damp weather wondering just how far I would get before it poured down on me as I walked to our train station which was only a seven-minute walk.

 

I was to go to Reading, I had been summoned. Butterflies bounced in my belly, cutting with hunger but felt unable to eat breakfast as nerves would have eaten whatever I consumed anyway.   

  

Suddenly the feeling of pure perfect peace wrapped itself around my shoulders, like the comfort of a Mother, feeling so safe, so calm. The love was far stronger than any love I have felt in my entire life. Nothing even came close!

 

It was as if I stopped breathing. I felt as light as a feather. I was floating just a thread above ground. I looked to the what was grey sky and noticed that the blurry vision moments before was as clear as a beautiful diamond, or the freshest water from an immaculate fall.

 

I had never seen that colour before. My mind told me it was blue, or should be blue, but it was like no blue I had ever seen.

As my head fell backwards, I found myself being lifted. Drinking the silver drops that fell on me. I drank like I couldn’t get enough. It had no taste an yet it was delicious. See, this makes no sense on reflection. It’s as if I am not meant to inform you what I felt, what happened to me. Electric went through my body every single organ, vein, muscle and joint was brought alive. But I was weightless. My heart was being healed. I was being stroked by invisible hands massaging my soul. Mending everything that was broken.

 

The world full of sounds, I left. As if a cloud opened, hands huge and so soft picked me up and blessed me. I found myself in a place of perfection. A rainbow floated over to me. Colours watery and electric. Blues, yolky yellows, orange and mid greens with silver sprinkles of star like falling tinsel.

       

Whistles willows and whooshing played a tune of timeless tracks. Then silence. As if it was time for me to listen, listen, hear what? The inside of my mind, my heart and my past. I was being programmed. Told what was going to happen. As if a radio being finely tuned. But still the feeling of absolute euphoria. Transported as if travelling along a railway track which leads directly to a   journey that one can never forget, rapturous feelings stronger than those you get with your first love, the first time you hold your baby and the excitement or thrill of that fairground ride.

 

That rain fell on me. Changing my perspective. My outlook on life now is seen through clear eyes and excitement in my heart for what I know is coming. To you too by the way, when?

 I have the answer, and the words are written in the rain.

 

© Fiona Cummings

 

   

  

 

 

 

 

WHAT'S FOR DINNER BY FIONA CUMMINGS

Good evening Bloggets. A day where I was sure that we would have a relaxed day, especially my Husband who needs a break from reality and a chill weekend, he has cleaned our drains, cleaned the dog garden and cleaned the stair carpet with our carpet cleaner. I vacuumed and did the landing, then after vacuuming the stairs, we both used the carpet cleaner. I held the enormous machine and he did the cleaning of them. I groomed the dogs, fed them, took them out for a twelve-minute walk before the heavens opened again. Then at last Hub is sitting in the conservatory with a cup of coffee and I have made dinner for tonight and our Sons lunch for work tomorrow. He has been enjoying the wraps I have made him this week. Normally he does his own lunch but this week I did them as to be honest, by the time I clean the mess up after him, I may as well have done it for him, though he is a great cook and does tidy, just it’s not as tidy as I like it. Next week though I think he is back on duty. I have enjoyed making his food this week though and he is so grateful bless him.

 

For dinner, tonight I’m doing stuffed small potatoes. Washed them, put them in a dish with a lid for an hour after putting some oil, rock salt, pepper and potatoes seasoning on them

 Then when they cool off a bit, I shall half them, scoop out the insides, and put the insides of the potatoes into the prepared dish of other ingredients. Then the skins of the potatoes I will put on a tray back in the oven to crisp up. Then remove and add the dish of mixed potato, grated cheese, chives, mayonnaise and butter. And then pop them back in the oven with it turned off, just to keep them warm whilst I serve the rest of the food. It’s steak for the family and sweetcorn. I am having a vegetarian option to go with the corn and the potatoes.

 

In my Sons wraps, there is sweetcorn, green pepper, tomatoes, cheese, spinach and fried Mexican beans all mixed in a dish with mayonnaise. Sometimes I put tuna in and today turkey.

I fold them sealing them at the ends too, folding them underneath and popping them into the oven for just four or five minutes. Bring them out and put some Parmesan onto and then wrap them when they are cooler into foil then put them in his bate box as we call it.

 Smile.

 

Going to watch our X Factor. To be honest, its dreadful this year. As far as singing goes, they are all like street singers/buskers.

Before I go, I have been asked by a couple of Bloggets to tell you what groups on line have been suggested to me of late. So, are you ready for these?

(The new screw 9 to 5 community)

Or, how about this one?

(The spiritual bad boss ass lady)

Hmm, now then decisions decisions, which group should I pick?

 

 

 

 

 

DIARY OF DRAINS AND NAKED VIEWS BY FIONA CUMMINGS

Well our day didn’t start as I hoped for. This was going to be a weekend when I made sure my Husband didn’t do a thing. I was chatting to Boy Wonder before he went to work, thinking Hub was where I left him, in our conservatory listening to his radio. Sport. Only to learn, he was in fact cleaning our outside drains.

Nice.

Not!

 

Four black bags later, or should I say eight, as we doubled up. And the drains don’t smell any better. Since we had the trees and nastiness cut down from our neighbours at the bottom of the garden, it’s blocked up the drains that just happen to run along our dog run. Now, we don’t have a large space for our dogs to run in, it’s another word for doggy toilet. We obviously clean the run all the time it’s just the water we clean with and as I said all the garden stuff that got stuck and didn’t go down the pipe underground.

 

Poor Hub, bless him. I keep telling him, he is a grafter for a pen pusher. Haha.

 

Just learned that one of my dear friends from India is unwell and has been for weeks now. I knew he wasn’t very well but thought he was getting better, by the sound of him today he sounds worse. I pray he will be OK soon and they learn what is wrong with him. He is such a good guy and deserves a better place to be in rather than the place of pain.

 

 

In our news, today a man has been arrested for throwing a three-year-old little girl off a bridge. She was rescued thank God. But can you believe that? I hope she never learns what happened to her. She will have to keep that in her poor heart forever.

 

What else is in our news today? As ever Brexit. I won’t bore you with that. Apparently normal humans are going to be taken to Mars in seven years. Why? What for? And, what will they do when they get there? I can’t think of anything worse.

 

Losing your sense of smell in later life could be a sign of dementia

Well, after today with the drains, I wonder if my Husband would like to lose his sense of smell for the next couple of hours. Haha. He finished off what he was doing, came in, totally stripped off, I mean totally stripped off. Put his clothes in the washing machine and continued to walk upstairs to the shower, with all the windows opened. Oh My. His point of view is, people shouldn’t look into other people’s windows. Me, I was hiding I was cringing. It was funny though. Thankfully we don’t have any houses looking onto our kitchen at the back of the house.

 

My Son has finished off his work project, so now just has to show Hub and myself then print off everything and it’s ready to present to his boss in a few days. Then we will earn if he has been successful or not.

 

Either today or tomorrow is the days when our dogs get their free run with our lovely lady June who walks them. But today, well, this week she is on holiday in Spain. Only thing is, our dogs don’t know that and they are going crazy. I think we are going to have to walk them later even if we don’t let them off the lead.

 

Well we didn’t win the Euro Million Jackpot last night, so Tuesday it’s the biggest Lotto ever to be seen in the UK at a staggering 167 million. You have to get all five numbers correct and two other numbers for the lucky stars. I would guess it’s almost impossible and really, it’s far too much for one person to win, I wish it would be divided up more. If I won it I would give so much away, but there are people who would keep it all. My ex Father in law, would put it in his bank accounts and still live like a pauper.

 

Well my Dearest Bloggets, I shall love you and leave you for now, but not for long. Thank you for your emails I shall answer them very soon. Great suggestions for future blogs, if you, have any ideas what you would like me to write about, please drop me a line or two, to

 

Visionsforfuture@googlemail.com

 

 

 

 

ADVANCES BY FIONA CUMMINGS

ADVANCES BY FIONA CUMMINGS

The beauty that’s before me

Is the gift that I can see

A simple bird

Is what I heard

But now I know what he looks like

Each day I wake

My smiles not fake

I don’t start the morning with a fight

I see my clothes

My hair, my face

Outside my window a ruby rose

Shadows I don’t have to chase

I can go out knowing I will be safe

No more standing in the cold

Waiting for a buss

I can relax there’s no stress

But I have stories to be told

I will never take for granted the gift I have been given

And enjoy every moment of this new life

 I have found myself living

Looking and learning

No more pain, stomach burning

I’m free just look what’s in front of me

If only it wasn’t just a dream

 

© Fiona Cummings

 

CRINGING DIARY BY FIONA CUMMINGS

Good afternoon from a very rainy day in England. The heavens have opened as my Mum used to say! The sounds of the drops are interrupted by noises coming from my kitchen. Not sounds of preparations for a delightful dinner, but my dishwasher and washing machine. I looked at the weather and it’s not like if I wait to do the laundry tomorrow or Sunday I will be able to get it hung out in my garden, nope, rain is forecast for the next three days. So, the dryer it is.

 

Last night we went to the pub quiz. Haha. Oops. We kind of came last. Well, I say kind of, because we were joint last with three other teams. Oh, the questions were ridiculously difficult yesterday. The picture quiz my friend is great at describing people and as I have said before, as long as the person looked like that twenty years ago when I could see, I have a chance. But yesterday? I don’t know where they got those people from. My Husband takes it so seriously, I love it and don’t care if we come last or not, when I say he takes it seriously, I don’t mean the quiz as in getting the answers right, I mean he gets mad at how he can’t answer the questions. Then he just gives up and drinks his beer. My other friend is good at the quiz but he is there for the beer too. My friend and I are different. We are not bothered about the drinking good job as the soft drinks are rather revolting, so cheap they are almost like water. But the boys say the beer is second to none. It’s that kind of pub, selling that kind of beer and they sell it at a very low price. They serve supper, it’s quaint I do love it.

 

My friend, she has to put an answer in the box even if it’s wrong because she hates gaps.  She’s really good too, so, why do we do so badly? Because of many reasons. One, the other groups are bigger. Two, the others have been coming for years. And three, they blooming cheat, sorry, but they have to. The same team wins every single week and by a mile too. One thinks the iPhone is being used. And the questions are not just general knowledge, they are so obscure.

 

 The people are so very friendly in there, it’s really like stepping back forty years. I think it’s been forty years since the place was cleaned too mind hahaha. It’s not the cleanest of places and when I’m eating my supper, I have to forget that. It’s funny as at home and if I go to a restaurant or café, I have to know the place is clean, I only eat at friends houses who I know are clean, but this pub? It’s an exception, it’s my weekly live and let live and stop being such a prude. For two and a half hours I’m someone else, not squeaky-clean Jean the domestic machine.  Smile.  

 

Hubs birthday coming up. I suspect he will be working on that day though. I don’t think we are going out for a meal this year, if we are it will be a last-minute thing, as I don’t have anything planned. Next year is his big 5     0

I really don’t have a clue what to do for that. He isn’t a party person, I guess we may go somewhere for a break, by the time it gets to this time of year, he is really tired with working and he hasn’t had a break / holiday this year, so his batteries are running low. But bless him, he battles on.

 

Oh, get this, someone the other day said something to me that didn’t shock me, as a person of my age, (32)

Shush

I have heard a lot when it concerns my eyesight, or lack of it. But the other day was a corker.

 

“Will you stop texting me those crazy texts?””

I asked what crazy texts? He said the ones that keep saying things like

“Did you see that TV program last night?”” And I’m not sure what colour paint, to put on my bedroom walls.””

 

Well, my flabber has never been so gasterd. Apparently, he can’t get his. Quotes, Head around the fact I write like a sighted person and again quotes, it does his tree in!””

Well after a comment like that, I have to think of the worst most what some sighted people must think we write like text and send it to him.

 

At 7.03 this morning I caught up with social media as you do at that time of morning. The first post I read was stomach churning cringeworthy skin crawling nastiness that I had to look up to see if it wasn’t a joke.

It wasn’t.

So, are you ready for this? Seriously I firstly think this should be illegal and secondly the people who want it done should all be sent to be experimented on rather than animals for research into treatments for blindness. The people who do this act, should be fined enormously and then sent to jail. Parents watch out for your kids.

 

Ready for this? Stop eating your food or you may be sick. I’m writing about it because I am outraged that such idiots exist when people would do anything to see and maniacs take risks to be blinded. I think the people who do this and have it done should be under the close watch of specialists and be locked up for everyone’s sake for life.

 

(Eyeball Tattooing)

Yes, you read correctly. People are getting the whites of their eyes tattooed. It’s sick. But during my research today I also discovered other revolting sinful acts that people have done. Of deranged, disgusting, damaging torturous things that people have done to their boddies.

Cartilage removal

Ear pointing, Oh my goodness. Just give these people to the lions, please.

Nullo? I think this means when you get your tissue removed from your belly button and your nipples removed.

Scarification, scratching, burning/branding or cutting designs into the skin. So, getting someone else to self-harm I guess.

 

On my brief research, today I came across an article that taught me that eyeball tattooing has been around for a couple of thousand years, but for medical reasons. Here is the link.  

 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Corneal_tattooing

  

I shall go now and catch up with my work. I have some writing to do and emails to answer. I shall return hopefully with a much nicer blog, as I find this one well, the ending has been disturbing, but surely as parents, we can influence our children and educate them, well, to be more educated?

 

DIARY OF CALM BY FIONA CUMMINGS

Good afternoon Bloggets. Gosh it’s really hot and sunny outside today. I could feel the sun on the wood floor before I left my house firstly to let Wagga out in her garden before going out to meet with my friend. I would like to say the walk was pleasant, but to be honest, it wasn’t really, as we are out of the summer blooms so no sweet smells anymore and what we are left with are gripping grabbing branches bear from soft leaves and dry making them sharper as I may find myself attached to one. Wagga  is so good, she walks past them she can only do what she can though. The traffic was constant. It’s an easy route but still if I find myself thinking, really thinking about what I’m doing I really start to panic, so I go into a zone. Not sure what this zone should be called, but it’s almost like a hypnotic state, I can put myself in some kind of artificial self-induced consciousness   where I’m almost handing my fate over to my mindset and my wonderful guide dog. Of course, you always have to be aware of your surroundings and the safety of your dog and yourself has to prioritise anything and everything, but, I forget I’m sighted, an yet have to not think about being blind too, I stop trying after 19 years to look out of my pretty useless eyes and I try to just breathe slowly and focus on being as calm as possible, but it took me such a long time to get this far. Like, eighteen years. No joke. For those losing their sight, don’t worry, I’m sure this isn’t normal, well I’m far from normal. Most people don’t have as much anxiety and others don’t admit to having any issues when they leave the house. I know of lots of people though who are really anxious and would never admit to other people just how they feel as they want to be seen as strong. The thing is, it’s not being weak being afraid of stepping out of your safe house onto and into, streets crossing roads and finding doors to public transport. That is my biggest fear. A bus pulls up. What if I can’t find the door? All the people on the bus are looking at me. I don’t want to look a fool. I feel my face going red. I start to panic and it makes finding where I need to go much more difficult. My guide dog isn’t the best at going to a door of a bus, she would rather see what is on the ground to eat. Shop doors though, she is the best. I think it’s to do with her own issues she just can’t deal very well with noise. Once she is on the bus, she is amazing. Getting off again? Nope, her stomach rules, my Husband says she is a walking belly haha.

Well at least I think it was my dog he was talking about???

Got me thinking now.

 

So, I used to walk along and think, is there a step, what if my dog isn’t walking right in the middle or, the right side of the path? What if something is in the way or on the ground and my dog doesn’t for whatever reason avoid it and I fall? What if I make a wrong turning, remember our dogs go where we tell them, so I have to have my built in Sat Nav switched on all of the time.

 

Then I learned two things, only go where I know the route 100%. And chill. Breathe. Don’t think too deeply about the fact you can’t see a thing in front of you. Listen, embrace the fact that you are able to do this, walk route and feel proud.

 

It was a great feeling to be able to meet with my friend and go into the restaurant and sit at a table waiting for her to finish work. Of course, the waitress took me to the table, I’m not that good. Knowing me, I would sit on someone’s knee or join a table and after two minutes realise that the stunned couple who were, enjoying a romantic meal, have been gaping in shock at this strange person who has joined their table. Hahaha. So, I leave that to the staff and they are great.

 

I ordered a juice and enjoyed the freedom. Out of my house and about to meet with one of my closest friends. A lady I love to bits. If only she knew just how much she meant to me. She is like the best prescription a Doctor could order. If I had to have a sister, and I had a choice, she would be it. But then I wonder if we were sisters, would we be friends?

 

Back home now, life is back to normal. Waggs is sleeping bless her, it’s a good job she isn’t Hubs dog, Little Fella has spent the past two days going on trains two hours away from home, door to door.  That combined with all day meetings, LF is never tired. He will come home at quarter past seven and he left home this morning just before 7.30, but tonight he will lollop through the door, pounce on Waggatail and grab every toy on the floor. Make his silly sounds growling and running like a crazy free horse and then ask to go out into the garden where Waggs stupidly follows him like the doting dog she is and together they will run around the garden with LF barking, as he is so good in office environments, he let’s all the tension go when he is home.

 

My Son is working until nine tonight. He got five hours work done of his work project yesterday and says he has another five hours to go. Not sure when he will find time before Tuesday, that is his big meeting with his top boss when he will be told if his work is good enough for promotion. He should have a night where he doesn’t see Shamrock and get it all done. But there is no chance that will happen. So, when he will finish his project? Not sure but he is working every day up till the meeting.

 

OK, I hope your day has been different in a good way. I shall try to make a meal now for the family where my Husband will be able to eat quick as he will get through the door and twenty minutes later, we are due to go out with friends to a pub quiz, and the same meal will be OK to be heated up in the microwave an hour and a half later, when my Son comes in from work. Hmm. Not sure what to cook. I shall go for now but before I do, some words.

“We have the power, no one can give us the kind of power that we can give to ourselves! It’s a gift that no money can buy.

 

What is freedom? To do what you want and feel how you want when you have achieved your dreams.

 

Sometimes to have nothing but the knowledge of being wanted, is better than being enriched with material objects.””

© Fiona Cummings

 

 

 

 

THURSDAYS DIARY BY FIONA CUMMINGS

 

Good morning Bloggets. My Husband caught his early transport to Manchester again today. He told me the trains are going on strike so a place he is due to go to next Wednesday may have to be changed. Not Virgin trains, but Northern. On the 3^rd and 5^th of October, it’s a long running dispute over the role of guards and driver only train.

 

I must say, I really don’t like the idea that there will only be a driver on our trains. Firstly, security reasons. As they are trained if you pardon the pun, to look out for something suspicious. Secondly, often on our trains there is conflict between passengers. I just feel safer with there being another person on board! And often you can just buy a ticket on the train, well you won’t be able to do that. And, so many times I have been on a train when tickets have been checked and the person has been able to get on with false documents/rail cards or tickets. They have direct numbers to the correct numbers to call for whatever diversities that may occur too.

 

My window cleaners are here they are great. Really do a good job and they come every month, whereas my last ones came every four or five months. I haven’t cancelled the other ones, well they haven’t been back for me to do so. Hub says keep them both on. After all it’s took us five years to find these new guys, so if one lot decide to quit, I have others. No way I'm climbing to do upstairs windows. Though I’m  sure it will cheer passers by as I clime some very bendy ladders. Either that or cause a crash.

 

BW working and I’m going out with my lovely friend. Not sure where we are doing lunch today yet.

 

I have been waiting for a parcel for days. My dear friend sent it for Hubs  birthday but no one knows when it’s due. You watch, it will come this afternoon when I’m out.

 

And tonight, we are off to the pub quiz. I was curious how many points our friends got last week without us, but they didn’t go. Hahaha. I’m sure it wasn’t because of our absence.

 

OK my dog needs attention so I shall go for now. Have a lovely day.

X

 

  

DIARY OF COINCIDENCE BY FIONA CUMMINGS

It’s been a lovely day, quite sunny, still, no wind, but now it’s chilly and dark outside. I have just put the heating on. Using HIVE. I love that ap. When it works. We have the light too so I can be in South Africa, London or New York, and turn on heating as well as lights in my house, how brilliant is that? As long as my internet works.

 

Shamrock said she went for a job interview today and she says she got down to the final group so, now, we wait for the next story. Will she get the job? Will she be offered it but not take it because? It’s a proper girly job, selling and applying makeup. I thought that she would have to have some kind of experience or, and, have some kind of qualifications in make up? But, obviously not. The job is a long drive from where she lives, but she will enjoy it, it’s a much better job than what she is doing, she is far too young to have the daily images that she has at this current job.

 

Next week Boy Wonder has to hand in all of his work to his big boss. And then we will see if he gets promotion. It’s a big ask. Out of the past 16 members of staff the boss hasn’t given one of them promotion. So, will BW’s paperwork photographic evidence and speech, be enough to impress the big guy? I hope so for BW’s sake.

 

It’s sad, he learned something today about his ex-boss who he has stayed good friends with even though the old boss has moved onto another area, something that has really effected BW. He now doesn’t want to keep in touch with his ex-boss. It’s something he has been told about by his new boss and his manager. I told him, not to take everything they say to be true. He hasn’t seen what they are saying or heard about it before. It involves cruelty to animals, cats. BW, is furious. Sickened by the thought of someone who he had high regard for, to be cruel to any animal, but to one kind that he adores? I pray it’s not true. I tell you, I am glad the old boss lives and works miles away from BW, or I’m not sure how he would react at this latest news.

 

So, whilst my Hub is watching his drama, my house is getting warmer, BW is at the gym and our dogs are looking tired sleeping in front of the fire, I thought I would write a blog, about coincidence’s.

 

Let’s think about life? Those who say we are an accident. Really? So, are our lives planned/mapped out for us, if so, by whom? If not, are things in life just coincidence?

 

Let me think about what has happened in my life, and then you think about your own lives and see what conclusion we all come to?

 

My parents tried to adopt twin boys. A week before they were due to be given to her, she was sent a letter saying she couldn’t have them because one had a rash on his face. In those days, they tried to hand over perfect babies, and then she got me. Far from perfect, gold hair blue eyes, so far so good, but then a year later my parents were devastated as they concluded that I had difficulty in seeing. Remember in those days there were no on-line support groups and there was nothing on the horizon with regards any kind of treatment to prevent blindness. My parents knew of no one who had sight difficulties. So, no one they could look up to and admire for their achievements, whether it be University degrees, promotion in a high powerful occupation, managed to cook a dinner or get out and about on their own, visually there was nothing in the high streets/shops or signs about those of us who can’t see. No large print signs or signs saying Guide Dogs welcome or those turning thingies at the bottom of traffic crossings, just things we take for granted now days, Audio? What even was that in those days.

 

To my parents, blind people had no life, they were helpless. To be blind? How terrifying. They were so fearful for me, for my future. So, their life was hell, they didn’t know where to turn or who to turn to

  

But, on my Mums death bed, she pulled off her breathing mask and said. “Fiona, you were meant to come to me for a reason!”” I guess who else would go through in life what she did? Her whole life was swallowed up by how to fix my eyesight. She didn’t really have holidays, no fun in her life, my poor Dad worked every hour possible to raise money for me to eventually after visiting other places in the world visit Moscow for eye treatment. 32 visits later, I was an adult now, and I chose to not go any more, but before that choice, were parents dedicated to do their best as they thought/believed to save my sight   

What I thought of my journey around the world? Another blog I have touched on before. Coincidence that my parents were turned down the twins for me? I’m convinced without the treatment I received in Moscow, I wouldn’t have seen my babies face up until he was a year old. Having said that, to have that taken away in such a cruel way, was pure torture.

 

I was married to my ex for ten years before I decided to have a baby. Loads of reasons why not before then, but I was quite happy with my dog and didn’t at all desire having a baby. He came and he was as I said, one, when I went blind. Without him, I wouldn’t be here now.  at the same time, I lost my sight, overnight, my Dad died not long after that, my Mum passed away, my world was over, apart from the most important person in my life, my Son.

 

The urge for a baby came to me within seconds. It was like nothing I have experienced before. Again, another blog, just what and how I felt what I did, but it wasn’t natural, nothing about it was natural. Was that coincidence, or was that my soul, my maker telling me that I needed to carry on, and to do that I had to be given a reason to live. If my maker has so much power, then why allow me to go blind?  Do I have a job to do because of my vision, or now, lack of it? If so, and I promise to keep doing the job, can I have my sight back please? Smile.

 

I fell pregnant immediately. But then when I tried again for another baby, it just didn’t happen.

 

My ex and I put our house for sale. It sold, I then took it off the market. Long story. A year later I put it on again, we looked at a house, we loved it. But in the end, it just didn’t feel right, the area I mean. Thought the house was perfect as was the surround, so I don’t know what I mean when I say it just didn’t feel right. We again, took our house off the market. A year later, back on again and this time we moved to a part of my area I never thought I would live in Northumberland. Out of every single person that could have and did speak with me at the school gates, there was a lady called Sue. Sue and I connected me with her in a very spiritual way. Again, Long and short of it, we ended up good friends and went to a spiritual church. It was there I developed my strength and there where I was given a message to say my life was about to change in a big way. And it was two months later I met with my now Husband. I had been taught to connect with my heart, my inner being, whatever it’s called, just intuition, or coincidence? If I hadn’t have met Sue, I don’t think I would have the tools to do what I did back then.

 

My ex, why did we marry? I often ask this question, but back then when I was seventeen, my world had been turned upside down many times and the only people I cared about was my family, especially my parents. They had a hard life and were old. Out of all the proposals I had at such a young age, and varied proposals, I told you about a Prince, in another blog, smile, well, my ex, he would and did make the best son in law in the world, he helped me to take care of my parents and he was brilliant, he did them and me proud for that. So, did I marry him for that reason, or, because he would not pressure me to have children, giving me time to prepare for my Son, ten years later?

 

After 28 years apart, I was reunited with my little first love from school. We met up, and married within a year and will be together forever. My Husband says, if I hadn’t have met him, he would have ended his life too. Looking at the strong man I have now, it’s difficult to imagine someone like him wanting to end everything, but he was in a very unhappy life back then and felt he had nothing to live for. He felt very alone, unloved and I guess he was. So, did I live for him? And in return, I found where I belong in life? If treatment will be successful, for those with my eye disease, then I shall be honoured to guide my Husband in a sighted world, just as he has taught me to be guided and be independent in the world without sight, but, to have more vision than most sighted people.

 

The year before my Husband and I got together, we were both asked to go to the school reunion. We both said no, the year we met, we both agreed to at least look on the website and it was then I came across his name. He decided rather than go to the reunion, he would write a piece for the website. I agreed I would look to see what people had got up to. The rest they say is history. So, coincidence? The year we both agree to have something to do with our reunion, is the year we chose together.

 

I have so many stories in my life where I could say are coincidence or something other. I was asked to write about coincidence, so put on the spot no time to think about my life’s map, as that is what I believe it is, a map planned out for you, not coincidence.

 

It’s a little like Déjà vu, have you ever met someone that you are sure you have met before, but you are told categorically, that you haven’t? Or visited a place in the world where you just know where to go or recognize buildings? When you have looked for a house to buy, or rent, did it feel right? I know when I moved here, I got out of the car and just felt before entering the house, and bear in mind, I can’t see anything, I just felt this was the right house to buy, and I was in a totally new area of the country. Everything was just so different, accents, people even, I had looked at many houses, much nicer than the one we picked, and it was this one we bought, because it just felt right. Was I guided? Or, was it coincidence that I moved here and around the corner was a lady who I will I’m sure be forever friends with, a lady that has been through so many things in life that I have and we can relate to each other. A lady who by, coincidence, is from the same part of the North East than where I’m from. So, my routes, traditions can continue through her and with, her!

 

Why do we need oxygen to breath? If we are an accident, why are we all made the same? With your tongue, feel the roof of your mouth? The lines are so exact. Why? Why are our hearts in the same place and we have two eye holes in the same place, and, only two? We have eyebrows to stop sweat falling into our eyes, we have tows so we don’t overbalance. Why do we all, have five fingers? Why do we spend so much money on searching new planets? Are we by chance looking for other accidents? Have we found them and are we trying to kill them just as we are in some kind of desperate need to kill the land we have been given, by accident!

 

 

 

 

 

 

      

THE BULBS OF LIFE BY FIONA CUMMINGS

Good morning Bloggets. Here in England, it’s easy to start to get depressed low fed up, whatever however you feel right now at the prospect of the dark nights coming early in our day, or shivering at the bus stop on the way to work, having to defrost our cars and not be able to get the vitamin D we require from the sun! But a thought for today.

 

Why not take this time to plan your new Spring and summer, by planting some bulbs? My green fingers belong on someone else’s hands, I have no gardening skills at all and I’m fortunate to have a gardener that comes every now and again and my Hub and I try to do what we can in between. So, at the weekend, my gardener came and planted up some bulbs I had to get from the local shop as the ones I sent for from Amazon didn’t turn up. So, Bluebells, Daffodils, snowdrops and crocuses were in small plastic bags. Looking like cherry stones and some tiny shallots/small onions! Far from pretty, even further from fragrant. An yet hopefully, in a few months, what we will see/smell/feel, will be beautiful delicate blooms. Almost a miracle. People will look at my pots where they have been planted and I hope smile, it will make them feel good, I will smell the beautiful bluebells and from this I will know we are in for some sunshine, warm days and feel good. So, when we plant our bulbs, imagine what they will be like soon. How we will feel again, darkness shall be given a light and our senses will awaken for the new days ahead.

 

Next time you are feeling low, remember, you can be lifted. Someone somewhere will be there to lift you up from the devastated mind you have found yourself in. If right now you are saying, no, there is no one, well there is, me, and I know that you may have never met me, but I write for you. I receive emails from people who kindly say that the first thing they do is read my blogs in the mornings before work or even getting out of bed and my first thought is, oh, heck, smile, but then I am pleased that you can feel I will be here at the other side of cyber world. But I’m real. I’m not a robot. I’m a normal, well, normalish, person who talks to you as much as time will give me. You can subscribe to my blogs and this way you will receive more blogs than possibly you do now, as I don’t always share on other social media all of my blogs. Or, you can visit my facebook page where I publish my blogs.

 

Don’t get me wrong depression is my twin who I have found myself attached to since I was, I would guess, eleven. I have been so low to the ground, but like the bulbs I have bloomed again each year something wonderful happens and I reflect on my past when I was feeling so bad and thank our maker or whoever, for showing me something a sign that makes me grateful even for a short time.

 

I’m like a rowing boat, I’m floating down the river of time. Sometimes there are rocks that get in the way, other times I may get caught in the rivers reeds. But somehow, I free myself and I survive the hyperthermia of life!

 

I sit in my boat, listening to the birds, hearing the fish jumping and ducks cleaning their feathers. I don’t see pretty picturesque countryside, and I can and do get very sad about this, so badly I want to see beauty again, my views are restricted blocked, and replaced by words like blooms, flowers, trees colours like greens peaches and so on, and they are words, what I have to try to do is think about when I hear a bird, how do I feel? When I smell a flower, do I smile, do I feel calm when I hear long grasses blowing in a gentle summer wind?

 

Depression hurts. It can kill, certainly destroy your insides and mind effect family members, but this is when you have an important job to do and that is to battle with your mind and make sure you are the winner. I always say this, you never know what is around the corner, so make, and I mean, make force yourself to do something today that will make you feel pleased, proud, pleasant and perhaps hopeful. Tonight, when you lay your head upon your pillow, you will reflect on your day and you will be able to say to yourself, I did that. No one else but me. And, tomorrow, I shall do something else to make me feel the way I do right now and how I felt, when I did what I did. 

Something so small, can turn so very beautiful, just like the bulbs!

 

© Fiona Cummings

    

 

ALEXA BY FIONA CUMMINGS

So, a couple of years now Alexa has been in our country. Do you have the smart plug in at your place of lodgings? If so, what skills have you enabled? Here are just some and I shall tell you some I have and what I think of them.

 

Elexa has more than three thousand talents. Roomba, control your robot vac, if you live in the US. I don’t have a robot vac, but if I had? Gosh you wouldn’t have to leave your chair just ask Alexa to clean your floors. When will the dusting robot come out? Oh, my, with me and my ornaments, I wouldn’t trust a robot.

 

Skill finder

Simply ask Alexa, tell skill finder to give me the skill of the day.

   And she will let you know. I have just asked her to tell me new skills and I have found some great things like games that I have been annoying my Husband with by playing True or False. I love that and he also has been joining in. you tell her how many players and she asks questions. Only thing is, she can’t add up very well as the final score has differed to what we thought we got. Alexa,

tell skill finder to give me the list the top skills in the game category?

 

TrackRIf you sign up for a TrackR account, Shout, Alexa, find my phone, and your handset will ring full volume but not sure if it works with the iPhone. If you can tell me different, please let me know and I shall pass the information on to our Bloggets.

 

Hive. Control your heating. It’s great as long as you can remember what words to say. Just lay in bed and tell her to turn on your heating or off. If you can remember what to say, this is the trouble, remembering all of the instructions/words to say. Sometimes they have to be too exact.

 

Say. Alexa, start seven-minute workout. Not sure this will work well with those who can’t see as some of the moves will be shown on the app on your phone.

   

Spotify

Enable it as your default music player and you can listen to any kind of music.

 

Sky Sports

Never miss another result.

Google Calendar

Ask to be reminded of dates.

Read my news is great too.

 

 I have found the weather not to be too good.

The ap people say is not very helpful, is Just Eat.

 

 You can ask her for the fact of the day too but I wouldn’t trust all her facts. There are some very interesting elephant facts though that have put a smile on my face.

 

What with the driverless car on its way, and even robots helping surgeons, robots really are taking over our world.

 

  

 

 

 

MONDAYS DIARY BY FIONA CUMMINGS

 

Good day Bloggets. I hope you are well. I’m sitting in my dining room sipping on a coffee listening to the rain falling against my windows. I love the sound of rain. I have a windchime in my yard that is ringing like a bell as the drops fall onto it. The sound of the cars going by is totally different to when it’s dry too. Splashing as they go on their way. I have to go out later, I hope it stops, I love the rain when I am in the house but not when I have to go out, and Waggatail doesn’t like it either. On her free run yesterday she was naughty, she rolled in something not nice at all. The smell was awful and after washing her and brushing her twice, she still isn’t a good advert for Doggy toiletries!

 

Hub and I had a lovely weekend. Thankfully our Son is better and worked long hours yesterday and after his day at work, he had loads of paperwork to do but he said it went well. He went to Shams last night so didn’t see much of him. Sham has a job interview coming up. Her dream was to be a nurse but that isn’t going to happen now. So, she is looking elsewhere.

 

Did you know, that all humans begin in the womb as a female? If no Y chromosome is present in the foetus, then the embryo will continue to develop and be born as a female.    

The human brain weighs about 1.5kg about 3 lbs. So, I have read. Oddly enough, I haven’t weighed brains, it’s not something that I fancy doing. It doesn’t float my boat if you know what I mean,

               

How to start a Monday Blog? Well, certainly not by talking about the politics or mad war games that are in our newspapers. Seriously, the world is going mad. So, what else is happening in our news?

In England, Cambridge University has been voted the best University in the country again.

Uber are receiving bad news again in London. Personally, I hope they leave our country I don’t like the idea that someone can just come over here, or your country and just get in a car and drive people or more worrying that they can drive one person, without Police check or any background information. I also heard that when we had our last terrorist attack on a London Tube, Uber were charging triple to get people away from there to where they wanted to go. Greed whereas the London cabbies, were taking people free of charge or at least charging the normal rate.

Just what I heard from a few people who live there.

 

Our Prince Harry and his girlfriend are making news. If they marry, it’s rather funny as Meghan doesn’t sound a very Royal name, does it?

English language exams will be lessened for foreign nurses, to ease the NHS crisis. Oh, great, that’s comforting!

Studies have shown that the shorter your sleep, the shorter your life. Gosh, that’s me gone early then!

There is scientific evidence to prove that a man stayed awake for 11 days and 24 hours without pills or potions to keep him awake. His name is Randy Gardener.

A new study, hopefully not paid for by an organisation where the money could have gone elsewhere, have discovered that we spend more time on the toilet than what we do exorcizing. Well, at least we can say we have a flushed face. Ok, not with running, and I shall leave the rest to you.

 

 

 

 

DIARY OF THE WEEKEND BY FIONA CUMMINGS

A short blog today as my baby isn’t well again. Seriously, the quicker his girlfriend gets another job the better. since he has met her, he has been so ill and brings infections into our house, I wash door handles down and light switches all the time but nothing helps. I feel so helpless. He got sent home from work. He’s very clean always washing his hands, but I have seen Sham come from work and eat food without washing her hands. That includes cooking herself food so personally not sure if it’s that or something else that he has caught from someone else but all I know is, in the past seven or eight months, he has had more illnesses than he has had in his life. Shamrock works in a hospital and bless her, she does all the dirty jobs that no one else would do, no way I could do what she does, but someone has to, so thank God there are people who will do that work, but you have to be really clean as obviously, you pick up everything.

 

He’s not a little boy where I can tell him a story or tuck him in bed to make him feel loved, what can I do? He’s a tall twenty year old and I just feel like he is up there in bed on his own and I know what it’s like to be ill on my own, it’s not good. I’m wanting to give him some simple food and his Dad wants to starve him. Poor thing is hungry but he is being sick every half hour.

 

I have my washing out but it’s not drying, though its warm and sunny. I just think there comes a time of year when you have to revert to the dryer. Tomorrow is forecast to be dry, so my gardener is coming to do his thing.

 

Meeting friends later but if BW is still unwell, I will stay in. Our dogs are going on their free run tomorrow on the big field. They love it.

 

Hub came home last night, Little Fella came pouncing through the door, took off and landed all four paws on my knee. He gets so excited to be home. He has been a very good boy for two days so when he gets home from work, it’s as if, I’m home now, I can play with all of my toys, I don’t have to be on duty, I get a biscuit for being so good and I can get a tummy scratch, lay in my own bed and splatter a Wagga.

 

Waggs was pleased to see him. She spent all the night before running to the door to see if every single car that passed was carrying her Daddy and little Brother.  Her little face when reality kicked in was pitiful.

 

Hub has his football on and he is chilling in the conservatory and I’m thinking what to make for dinner tonight. Hub says he wants a Saturday tea.

O

K?

Answers on a postcard please?

 

Not sure what my poor Son will want. Hub says rice, right, I shall remember that when he, is ill. He’s not a Labrador you know love?

 

 When I was ill as a child the odd time I was ill when at home, as most of my sick days was spent at boarding school, well there you got cold comfort and cabbage but at home, it was chicken soup or cheese macaroni, not sure if that was good or bad, but it always made me feel at home. Comfort food.

 

Boy Wonder is still unwell with his throat as is Hub, though Hub is a bit better now but when he was away at his conference, he was really ill. He seems to have enjoyed it though, and the hotel sounded lovely as did his food.

 

Oh, I received the most beautiful email from my dearest Blogget and now beautiful soul friend from South Africa, gosh she is the most amazing correspondent I have and her words are like silk to touch, buttery mash potatoes to eat and pure nectar to drink. I eat drink and I’m touched by what she has to say, the way she writes too. Her brain is one of wonder, just beautiful and she could read the most boring thing even a phone number and the way she will deliver it, will hypnotise you. I’m constantly hungry for her words and I keep telling her that she should write, at least words to pass down to her family. I keep every single email from her and they are filed under her name and I shall treasure them for life. I love her dearly she is so special to me! Without my blogs I would have never known her.

 

OK I’m going to read the news and see what games are being played across the world then get on with today. I hope your weekend will be one full of smiles and peace. With love.

  

ALONE IN THE DARK BY FIONA CUMMINGS (C)

As the night closes and one can only imagine the inky sky outside of my window and shining silver stars, the traffic is sleeping as houses are all locked up for the Autunmal night. I’m alone apart from my sleeping dog.  During the days when it’s sunny and vehicles move fast and furious outside, when children make their way to school, some merry with delight of what the day may have waiting for them, and others perform tricks on their bikes or skates, when the bigger people walk their barking dogs and the sky somehow seems to provide winds and rain to make sounds against my windows and blow rubble of paper, and cans that have escaped the rubbish and recycling bins, across my avenue of all sorts. But by night? It’s a different story, well, it seems to be when I am on my own. When all of my family are away either enjoying themselves, or working.

 

One dog rather than both our dogs equals four silent paws whereas when my dogs little brother is home, those quiet if not silent paws become playful and four become eight, across our wooden floor mixed with squeaking dog toys, panting and doggy verbal’s and the TV or some kind of music playing either by choice of what we may wish to hear from the sound system or my Husband playing the piano!

 

Doors seem to be opened more often more footsteps. I am more active when my Husband or Son are home. Sometimes a girl will be here and then more verbal’s as we girls like to talk.

 

If my Son is home, he normally has either his TV or Music blasting, his hairdryer or he is in the shower, or running up and down stairs getting food from the kitchen so the oven has been on and our new cooker well, oven is like a bus engine. Smile.

 

So, tonight I’m on my own. My dog is in her bed. No TV on, I never watch the television on my own. No music. Just the spooky creaking of the heating and the gentle clock ticking. It’s so quiet, I have chills. My imagination is open to suggestions. Shadows follow me and dimly lit rooms don’t help me as without sight, lights only are there for the sighted and those who can’t see to use their imagination.

 

I’m in a big shell with no close, or I should say attached neighbours. No houses behind my walls which leads onto the main road which by day is full of life pollution and sounds but by night one could find themselves thinking they have stepped back in time before fuel and fury, and the night air is still, ever so still! It’s time now for the ghosts to play and the humans to sleep.

 

Suddenly, it’s become cool in here. Goosebumps shiver and the haunted night.

 I turn the key in the door. Who’s on the other side? Closing curtains keeping the outside at the right side of my rooms. Hurry evening bring fast the much-desired dawn?

 

© Fiona Cummings