Bolivia has joined us this week. Hello to you and a very
warm welcome. China Germany Australia Canada US UK Sweden India and Israel are
just some of the countries here today. Really great to see you here in my house
of madness an yet sometimes complete sanity but not oftern. I hope you have
enjoyed reading about my journey to France? I’m still on a high with it. I can’t
concentrate I know I should be working but can’t. How on earth my Husband can
do his work is beyond me. My heart and head is still in the south of France. I
still taste the French breads, pastries olives and cheeses not to mention the
wine? Well, something had to wash down that delightful food? And the wine by
far was cheaper than the juice.
Oh how much I wish we could return there with those
wonderful children of ours. It was so sad to say goodbye to the girls. I really
had to stop myself from bursting out crying on the train. My poor Husband had a
very heavy heart as he described. But we can do that again. I just don’t and
wont’ ever understand how those I love are always away from me. It stems from boarding
school. I would love to see more of the girls. But sadly life won’t allow that.
They are so busy. And this is good for them. I was lucky; my Son came home with
us. The girls left for their Mothers house. The day my Husband left his girls
was the worst day of his life and yet he reflects the happiest as he and I began
to live together. Our new life had started. I didn’t know how to take care of
him during the suffering he went through after leaving the girls. Obviously I had
never been through that myself. But our souls were made as one when we were
born and ripped apart when we were twelve. Thank our maker we were reunited
again many years later. We were magnets and my Husband said if we had not has
met, he doesn’t know where he would be right now, as for me? Well, for sure not
where I was way back. For the first time in our lives, we were selfish. I cared
for my ex and still there is a bit of me that does, just he has made it
impossible for me to show him this. But through our Son, there is a part that
will love him thanks to Teen.
As for our girls, and I do see them as our girls. Though of
course they are the birth daughters of their Mum who has brought them up from
the age of ten and twelve. And they are super young ladies now, their Mum
should be proud. But how much love can kids have? Not ever enough. So our love
for them will continue. The best thing about that holiday was the closeness
that we all shared. My Son really thinks of his little step sister as his
Sister and he said he should be there to look after her. Well, thank God he’s
not, as he would be so strict. He would drive the little one crazy at the same time;
it’s so lovely to see that connection. He is very close to the eldest girl too
but in time I’m sure she will be his sister as for now, she is like a best
friend. For me? Oh I love her. I for the first time can see her and I being
really close as we both grow older. She is the daughter I never had.
I just wish we could see more of them. I really do. When it’s
time for my Son to leave the nest my heart will die. Unless he moves in with a
girl I can love and respect. Then I will be so happy but my Son tends to go for
very odd girls. There was no more of an odd girl than the last. I just hope the
salted waters of France have washed her right out of his hair. Though I am sure
that she will keep at him, to date him again. I know she will not let him go as
she batted well above her net with teen. No way will she get better. And she
will learn of this soon. They will meet up next month as they are going to a
festival not together but she will make sure she meets with him as she can’t
leave him alone. As regards to our eldest daughter? I hope she will find
someone who loves her for what she is. She doesn’t know her value. Our little
one, well, she is feisty. No one will walk over her for sure.
Kids, this is not a
good age. I don’t like parenting children in their late teens. Our daughter had
her 16th birthday when we were on holiday. Sweet sixteen. So now all
old enough to marry. Scary. I can tell you this and it shocked my eldest
daughter, I for the first time in my life agree with arranged marriages’ want
to bite my fingers for even thinking this, but after what I have seen over the
past few years?
My heart melted when Hub and I were kids. He stole my heart
and placed butterflies in my stomach. So if someone had told us we were not
allowed to marry? Oh I would have been finished. The funny thing is Hubs Mum told
my Mum when we were about eleven. We would marry. My Mum smiled and asked me if
this were true? My head was screaming yes. My shy exterior walked away from
such a personal question.
He was my dream. His Mum knew something that no one else but
us two knew. So what if she had been allowed to arrange our marriage? Well God
love her and may the angels be looking after her now, as in a way, when Hub and
I got together, she helped so much with our final plans. Hub and I or I should
say me, but with Hubs money, as he was abroad working, I planned everything but
our Mum did all of our flowers cake and fine details. My dress and Hubs suit
was bought our choice and it was so liberating to be able to do this on our own
without anyone telling us what should be done. It was difficult don’t get me wrong;
to organise the event the colours the food the entertainment and honeymoon, but
we did it. I truly don’t know of any other blind couple who get by with no help
from sighted people. I just want to tell you it is possible. And when you do it
for the first time? How free you will feel it’s a great feeling. You take that steering
wheel and drive that car letting no one take over.
So today? Teen working again as he did yesterday. Yesterday,
and the day before. As for yesterday? It was Olga from Russia birthday. A year
has passed since she was in England and how much changed that year. I thought
of her all day. With deep sadness as I wanted things to be the way they used to
be but no, not possible. I just pray she is happy and hope she will find her
own identity? Whatever that may be. It’s been almost a year since I last heard
from her. After our friendship of over twenty years but sadly I was to learn my
friendship to her meant something totally different to her than what it meant
to me. I do miss her Son though. D was the sweetest little lad when young. I
never thought I would see a day when we didn’t communicate but a lot of water
has gone under that bridge.
Times move on and life can start anew. What a new life I
have. Slowly that wheel of fortunes not in monetary talk, but in values and
style of life is turning for me.
I feel like a book. Someone is reading me turning the pages
ever so slowly. Now I awaite for vision. Vision. Yes please let me have some of
that?
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